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Substance Abuse
And the begging starts
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<blockquote data-quote="BloodiedButUnbowed" data-source="post: 758625" data-attributes="member: 13303"><p>I have, perhaps, a unique perspective to share. I am the stepparent of not just one, but two troubled young men. Last year I was faced with the difficult choice of either accepting my violent, drug-addicted and felony-convicted stepson, who was then 19, into the home my wife and I share, or potentially leaving either the household, or my marriage, if my wife and I could not come to an agreement.</p><p></p><p>In the end my wife and I agreed on contract language for my stepson (DS) and he did move in with us. He recently moved out of his own volition, but if he had not, my wife and I were once again on the cusp of a difficult conversation. (DS relapsed and refused to return to rehab, which was one of the conditions in the contract. I was adamant that he would have to go if he refused to abide by the contract; wife - his bio mom - would have been willing to negotiate terms of him continuing to stay with us. Thankfully he did choose to leave and we were spared this decision.)</p><p></p><p>Most of his year with us was okay, to wonderful. I have to admit my worst fears, for the most part, never came true. He had a violent history with my wife and that was my worst fear. He never raised a hand to person, pet or property while he was here. The worst that actually occurred, were a couple of heated arguments where he used profanity and screamed at us, the last of which occasioned him leaving our house and choosing to try living on his own. He is now out of our home and is not communicating with either his mother or myself, for the time being anyway. He is on probation for another year and a half, and relapse might well send him back to jail, let alone homelessness or whatever other condition he may encounter. He is now 20 and it is up to him.</p><p></p><p>In the future, and my wife knows this, while I am on board with providing time-limited assistance such as funds for a room or something of that nature, I do not want him living under our roof again. He is disrespectful, arrogant, and not someone who can live productively and harmoniously in a family setting. He either needs to be in an institutional setting with a great deal of structure, or living independently. Sadly, he is very difficult (hence his nickname in my signature) and nobody can get along with him for long unless the person agrees with him on everything and never has a differing opinion.</p><p></p><p>Please understand there is a middle ground between enabling an adult child and shutting the door on her/him. My wife and I were able to (mostly) find that middle ground. We will see what the next chapter with him and his brother will be. For now we are good and my stepson is in the care of his Higher Power.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BloodiedButUnbowed, post: 758625, member: 13303"] I have, perhaps, a unique perspective to share. I am the stepparent of not just one, but two troubled young men. Last year I was faced with the difficult choice of either accepting my violent, drug-addicted and felony-convicted stepson, who was then 19, into the home my wife and I share, or potentially leaving either the household, or my marriage, if my wife and I could not come to an agreement. In the end my wife and I agreed on contract language for my stepson (DS) and he did move in with us. He recently moved out of his own volition, but if he had not, my wife and I were once again on the cusp of a difficult conversation. (DS relapsed and refused to return to rehab, which was one of the conditions in the contract. I was adamant that he would have to go if he refused to abide by the contract; wife - his bio mom - would have been willing to negotiate terms of him continuing to stay with us. Thankfully he did choose to leave and we were spared this decision.) Most of his year with us was okay, to wonderful. I have to admit my worst fears, for the most part, never came true. He had a violent history with my wife and that was my worst fear. He never raised a hand to person, pet or property while he was here. The worst that actually occurred, were a couple of heated arguments where he used profanity and screamed at us, the last of which occasioned him leaving our house and choosing to try living on his own. He is now out of our home and is not communicating with either his mother or myself, for the time being anyway. He is on probation for another year and a half, and relapse might well send him back to jail, let alone homelessness or whatever other condition he may encounter. He is now 20 and it is up to him. In the future, and my wife knows this, while I am on board with providing time-limited assistance such as funds for a room or something of that nature, I do not want him living under our roof again. He is disrespectful, arrogant, and not someone who can live productively and harmoniously in a family setting. He either needs to be in an institutional setting with a great deal of structure, or living independently. Sadly, he is very difficult (hence his nickname in my signature) and nobody can get along with him for long unless the person agrees with him on everything and never has a differing opinion. Please understand there is a middle ground between enabling an adult child and shutting the door on her/him. My wife and I were able to (mostly) find that middle ground. We will see what the next chapter with him and his brother will be. For now we are good and my stepson is in the care of his Higher Power. [/QUOTE]
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