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Substance Abuse
Anxiety creeping in before the "visit"
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<blockquote data-quote="lovemysons" data-source="post: 7264" data-attributes="member: 3305"><p>Thank you ladies. </p><p></p><p>I did go to a really good meeting. I see there before me one who has lost more than "I" have...that's one quick way to get my gratitude list in order and to stop feeling sorry for myself or my sons. I think yall are right, probibly should know where one of those meetings is down near the prison. </p><p></p><p>I thought too what a big baby I sound like regarding my mom. Fact of the matter is, she takes really good care of number one and I'd be wise someday to implement some of that for myself and stop thinking of it as "selfish" or just denial. She's a survivor and I'm glad I don't have to go alone to visit my son.</p><p></p><p>DDD, oh you know I still put money on that kids "books". I don't write him as often as I did in the beginning (which was like journaling everyday). I even constructed Suduko games for him...which he never played (I picked up all his belongings, including mail before they sent him to the prison rehab). He did use his NA book though, and I saw some of the things he underlined and questioned. I know he's "in there" somewhere. </p><p></p><p>Karen, lol, if I could drink wine (like the rest of yall, or those who do) I would. But I am what they call a "double winner". It would behoove me to stay away from alcohol, pills, etc. Doesn't work, never did for me. I didn't drink for over 13 years, but I was very much dependent on my sons for my survival...it really seems they became my main drug of choice. I lived through them and anyone else I thought I could "save, fix, control, love the pain away, etc). </p><p>I went back to drinking last year and my plan was to "sleep the next 5 years away". I was also taking up to 10 klonopin and unisom to stay "asleep". </p><p>I have reclaimed my own life...with help. </p><p></p><p>On another note, unbenounced to all of us until it happend. My high functioning alcoholic mother in law, resumed drinking this past April (after nearly 5 years of sobriety and no support system). She died within 6 weeks. She was 58 years old. </p><p>Oldest difficult child in jail for Meth and stealing for it. He missed his grandmother's funeral, he missed his birthday, thanksgiving, christmas time now, etc. </p><p>He IS alive. </p><p>We are all hoping he will want to live life on life's terms in the future. </p><p>As you know, we can't do it for them and it is too draining too damaging to go "with" them. </p><p></p><p>Thank you for the support and encouragement regarding handling young difficult child. He's so much easier to see through than my oldest difficult child addict. Young difficult child is "what you see is what you get" he doesn't do the con thing all that well. He's the "genuine article", lol. I find I can be tougher on him I think because we are more similarly made. </p><p></p><p></p><p>oh, DDD, I DIDN'T go visit young difficult child when we had him picked up last Oct (I think it was) and sent him to juvie for tearing up his room. </p><p>We left him there a month with no visits and no thanksgiving. I did take his calls but didn't let him "beat me up". </p><p></p><p>Thanks Yall...I will let you know how it goes too!</p><p>lovemysons</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="lovemysons, post: 7264, member: 3305"] Thank you ladies. I did go to a really good meeting. I see there before me one who has lost more than "I" have...that's one quick way to get my gratitude list in order and to stop feeling sorry for myself or my sons. I think yall are right, probibly should know where one of those meetings is down near the prison. I thought too what a big baby I sound like regarding my mom. Fact of the matter is, she takes really good care of number one and I'd be wise someday to implement some of that for myself and stop thinking of it as "selfish" or just denial. She's a survivor and I'm glad I don't have to go alone to visit my son. DDD, oh you know I still put money on that kids "books". I don't write him as often as I did in the beginning (which was like journaling everyday). I even constructed Suduko games for him...which he never played (I picked up all his belongings, including mail before they sent him to the prison rehab). He did use his NA book though, and I saw some of the things he underlined and questioned. I know he's "in there" somewhere. Karen, lol, if I could drink wine (like the rest of yall, or those who do) I would. But I am what they call a "double winner". It would behoove me to stay away from alcohol, pills, etc. Doesn't work, never did for me. I didn't drink for over 13 years, but I was very much dependent on my sons for my survival...it really seems they became my main drug of choice. I lived through them and anyone else I thought I could "save, fix, control, love the pain away, etc). I went back to drinking last year and my plan was to "sleep the next 5 years away". I was also taking up to 10 klonopin and unisom to stay "asleep". I have reclaimed my own life...with help. On another note, unbenounced to all of us until it happend. My high functioning alcoholic mother in law, resumed drinking this past April (after nearly 5 years of sobriety and no support system). She died within 6 weeks. She was 58 years old. Oldest difficult child in jail for Meth and stealing for it. He missed his grandmother's funeral, he missed his birthday, thanksgiving, christmas time now, etc. He IS alive. We are all hoping he will want to live life on life's terms in the future. As you know, we can't do it for them and it is too draining too damaging to go "with" them. Thank you for the support and encouragement regarding handling young difficult child. He's so much easier to see through than my oldest difficult child addict. Young difficult child is "what you see is what you get" he doesn't do the con thing all that well. He's the "genuine article", lol. I find I can be tougher on him I think because we are more similarly made. oh, DDD, I DIDN'T go visit young difficult child when we had him picked up last Oct (I think it was) and sent him to juvie for tearing up his room. We left him there a month with no visits and no thanksgiving. I did take his calls but didn't let him "beat me up". Thanks Yall...I will let you know how it goes too! lovemysons [/QUOTE]
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