as someone said about leading a horse to water....

Sunlight

Active Member
DDD I appreciate any and all insight and am trying to decipher what is best for me in this situation. I am new at this dating thing. I did not choose the breakup of the one week duration we had. perhaps he should not have told his daughters we took a break until he was sure. that was 6 wks ago. he said the only reason I am not included is that the older girl has asked that they get time without partners of parents. even her lil sister's live in boyfriend is excluded I understand. I wish this girl would find a boyfriend fast. she is too controlling. she has had men but scares them off with her bossiness. she broke up with her college boyfriend of 7 yrs on valentine's day last year. this after his family paid for a mediterranean cruise with his family/she cancelled just two weeks before costing them her trip.

last October when the older girl cut me out of the Colorado trip we had been living together a long time already with no talk of break up. this girl asked me to email her dates so she could pick when we were to go, she asked me 6 months in advance, I took off work based on that, she then told her dad to go without me on a week she knew dang well I was NOT able to go, since she used my info on the dates. so that is no excuse. and to his stupidity...he didnt tell me about it til a week before and only after I kept saying we needed to get our tix bought. It still angers me to think of it all. you would think that even would have broken us up but he promised to let the girls know we are a couple...if they didnt notice. I also know this is all new to them so a precedent must be set.

the older girl told their mom they want her to visit without her partner as well. (this guy has been living with the mom for 4 yrs about in the house they purchased together.) he is wealthy, has spent a ton on the girls including a trip to Calif for two weeks last spring, at Christmas he took them on a very expensive date with their mom to the nutcracker and dinner before drinks after etc. he is very good to them and they have no reason to exclude him either.

it is not that they do not like us, it is that the older girl cannot share her parents. period.

I have movies too and have only shown boyfriend once briefly so he could see my son who died---only after he asked to see him. I would never bore him with history he is not part of. his sister makes us bring out the crate of movies each time she comes and we watch them time and again. they watch the same ones over and over. then they get out board games and fight over them like school kids. the older girl is so competitive she gets angry at playing Yahtzee. she is the YAHTZEE NAZI. she tells everyone what they should roll for etc. we play scrabble and she gets behind her sister and hmms and shakes her head no if the sister picks up the wrong letter..she whispers in her ear what she should do each turn. AAAAAAAAHHHHH it is crazy. I dont know. I think my friends who know both boyfriend and I think he should have included me or at least told me or asked me because it affects me too. one gal who has known us all along told me to go find a new guy while he is gone.

meanwhile I am going out with my widowed neighbor...my age..to the Tiki Room tonight (an big outside adult sandbox bar/restaurant. )
pray for my knight in shining armour to ride up on his horse and take me away. now to go comb my flowing locks...lol
 

DDD

Well-Known Member
:smile: That does it! :rolleyes: I can NOT....absolutely can not! abide anyone who
would interfere with my Scrabble game. Ditch the kid, Janet!
Somethings are just TOO rotten to cope with!

PS...I haven't played Yahtzee in years so that doesn't get my
dander up! LOL!

Even my "evil" step-daughter plays backgammon with class! :smile: DDD
 

donna723

Well-Known Member
Does it not sound a little "odd" that this older daughter gets to decide everything! Who died and made her "Goddess Of The Family"? SHE gets to decide where they go, when they go, and who gets to go along?
:bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :princess:
If their mother has a live-in, has she not objected to him being excluded? So who ends up being "allowed" to go on this trip? Just "Mommy", "Daddy" and the two "kids"? Just like back in the good ol' days? If this were a child, it would sound like it was a clumsy, very obvious, very blatant attempt to get "Mommy" and "Daddy" back together again! Or did I read that wrong?
 

Stella Johnson

Active Member
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: donna723</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Does it not sound a little "odd" that this older daughter gets to decide everything! Who died and made her "Goddess Of The Family"? SHE gets to decide where they go, when they go, and who gets to go along?
:bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :princess:
If their mother has a live-in, has she not objected to him being excluded? So who ends up being "allowed" to go on this trip? Just "Mommy", "Daddy" and the two "kids"? Just like back in the good ol' days? If this were a child, it would sound like it was a clumsy, very obvious, very blatant attempt to get "Mommy" and "Daddy" back together again! Or did I read that wrong?

</div></div>


Sounds like it to me too.

steph
 

Sunlight

Active Member
so funny!!!
she doesnt want her mommy and daddy together again. mommy is happy and wealthy. however she does want them each to herself.

mommy and daddy are kept very seperate. my boyfriend has not spoken to or seen his ex in almost three years. mommy's live in may or may not object...who knows?? I never met her mother or her mom's boyfriend.

all I know is she is the boss and has always been so.

hmmmm
 

Sunlight

Active Member
I went to the Tiki bar. what an eye-opener! the crowd is late 20 to 30 something. a few men who are 50 something were trying to hit on young women. we saw:

a woman in a bright yellow tight top revealing her store bought boobs. her small :censored2: had on tight short shorts. her face was wrinkly and long coal black dyed hair. I do think the men were oogling her legs and high heeled sandals as she tried to walk thru the sand. my neighbor and I laughed.

one man who approached me was very cute. I was smiling as he came over cause I knew he was about to ask me something. I also knew I was old enough to be his mom. in fact when he came up and said HI I told him so. he laughed so hard and said "now dont be sure about that" I told him my first child was born in 1971. he folded in half laughing while holding his bottle of beer. I asked him his age. he said 36. LOL I then talked motherly to him and pointed him to some nice girls his age. sheesh I am not raising any more sons.

we got to talking to two younger girls by us. one asked me if I saw the woman in the yellow top. we laughed. these girls were late 20's and gorgeous. they said they cant find any good men. my neighbor and I told them "try it at 50 something" we had a lot of girl talk.

no knight came along. we decided to go to where a band was playing down the road. the band members were about tony's age and were singing paul simon songs and stuff I knew in high school. that was a trip!

we ended up at a local restaurant on the way home for wings. my neighbor has been out there dating for 22 yrs. she is a widow. my age. she said she is discouraged with the lack of decent men. we ended up giggling about every dang thing. it was a good night.

boyfriend had said he would call to tell me goodnight. I hoped he had called while I was out but he hadnt.

tonight I will make some kind of plans too. I am working on it. this morning I talked to boyfriend and he said they had gotten in too late to call me. he asked what I was doing today. I didnt answer that. I could hear his girls in the background. I told him I am going to let him go now so I dont interfere with his time with the girls and said goodbye.

I am a whole and complete person with or without him. I want him to be my prince, but I may have to kiss a few more frogs to find that.
 

jbrain

Member
Hi,
glad you had fun last night--I bet you are having more fun than boyfriend is with those bratty girls of his. I want to go on record as saying I have changed my mind now that I know more background to this, Ant's Mom. That oldest girl is so manipulative it astounds me--well, what astounds me is that her parents allow it and go along with her. I understand better why you are so upset over this situation. But it sounds like you are handling things so well!!!! You are having fun!! Yay!!
Hugs,
Jane
 

SunnyFlorida

Active Member
What a crazy mixed up situation to be in.

Those girls do sound a bit whacked in my humble opinion.

Funny though, isn't there a saying that husbands and wives come and go but children stay with you forever?

There have been time that I felt like I was being put into a situation where I had to choose, either my husband or my children. Granted, adult children are different, but adult difficult child's are still the same 'ole difficult child's....just bigger.

Your boyfriend Janet may not be able to be your "prince" or "treat you like a queen", he may be able to only offer you equality, compatibility, togetherness, and friendship/love. Is that enough?

Personally, I don't think anyone should be put on a pedastal be it either woman or man. Compatibility and the willingness to do things/discuss things is more important to me. I guess that means I treasure a "soul mate" one who completes me. I'd like to continue to travel this road next to someone and fight along side.

At present though, I need to catch up as I'm a bit slow lately.
 

hearthope

New Member
:thumb:Glad you went out and laughed!!!!!

I was worried that you might stay in and have a horrible weekend alone ~ so glad to here you had fun!


Yes, sometimes we have to kiss several toads before we find our prince! I know I did.
 

Sunlight

Active Member
sunny I do not want on a pedestal I do not want at the bottom of the feeding chain either...lol
boyfriend must offer:
honesty
loyalty
trustworthiness
then I will be more open to the other stuff he has baggage of.
 

Sunlight

Active Member
update:
just got off the phone with him. he said he is not having a good time. his daughters are a pain, one living with her boyfriend and he is staying there and not happy . he cannot wait to come home. he misses me, loves me and is leaving as early as possible.

YES!!! he has learned what life is like without me. maybe it will increase his appreciation. I also told him I know I have other options out there. and....I learned that I am complete with or without him. he was quiet and I could tell he knew he made a bad choice.

it was a sign and an invitation from God to learn more about myself. thanks!
Janet
 

jbrain

Member
Whoopee, Janet!!!! I just knew you were having a better time than he was! This is great and I am especially pleased that you told him you learned you are complete with or without him! That is so cool....Have a great day!
Jane
 

donna723

Well-Known Member
What is the old saying about "Living well is the best revenge"?

:smile:

And if you forego the chance to make a passing comment to boyfriend about your 36-year-old admirer ... well, then you'd be a better person than I am because I couldn't resist that one! Maybe not enough to rub his nose in it - but just mention it in passing. Then you could get this wistful expression on your face, walk around with a little smile like you've got a secret, giggle a few times and shake your head. If he asks you what's funny, just say, "Oh, nothing", then smile again! You'll drive him crazy! And I guarantee you, he will think more than twice before he leaves you all alone again!

:rofl:
 

Sunlight

Active Member
donna, LMAO I have not mentioned the 36 yr old but he already asked me if I went out. I just said yes and didnt give him details....yet.
I still giggle when I think about that event. boyfriend is three yrs younger than me and very handsome. then again sometimes I think I need some one older and more MATURE! next boyfriend will be that.
 

SunnyFlorida

Active Member
Janet, sounds like he's finding out firsthand that the grass is not always greener on the other side. Sounds also like he's a little envious that you can detach, find happiness and peace while he's still stuck.

Glad he called and said he missed you. Now lets see if he "walks the walk"
 

donna723

Well-Known Member
He needs to realize that someday he may be left old and alone with nobody but those two sneaky, manipulating, selfish, spoiled rotten "children" of his!

:nonono:

These two don't have a step-sister named "Cinderella", do they? :wink:
 

DDD

Well-Known Member
Donna's got a thought. Why not buy a spare slipper at Payless
and see who it fits??????? LOL! DDD
 
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