at my end


Active Member
Hi all. I used to be here, a few years ago.
My son. He is 23. He has schizophrenia and I believe developmental delay. He is smart, but is childish and really can’t manage himself. At all. No concept of money, self-conscious in public, anxious, defiant, and very easy to take advantage of.
His dad moved 40 minutes away.
I have been taking him every 2 months for his shot so he doesn’t end up back in adult crisis. He needs to go to the doctor, the dentist. I haven’t taken him.
He lives with his dad, who is 75 years old. Dad does nothing. Just lets him live there.
We are in California. Recently, I got him signed up for In Home Support Services. I think he got like 45 hours a month. I am/was hoping for hours to pay for me to do all this driving.
But now, he has managed to lose his social security. He didn’t fill out this paperwork. I tried. I said Let’s do it together by zoom. He didn’t want to .
Then he lost his SS and had to reapply. He got denied.
And, he didn’t care. He thinks he can make his own money, even though he pretty much can’t leave the house.
I am just tired. I hate driving all that way. My car is old, and I am scared driving on highways. He and his dad are both kind of - honestly, not very nice people. Dad is very charming, I think that might be why he got so many IHSS hours. More than I got for my daughter.
I want to cry.
My older daughter thinks I should let the county and his dad worry about him.
I don’t want to be a bad person and abandon him.
In a few hours, I have to make the drive, and I feel I can’t face it.
I don’t think I have great boundaries, but at the same time, he is my son. My obligation.
I don’t know what to do. I am tired. I want to be a good mom, but I just want to cry.
Today, I am planning to go into the doctor’s office with him, and telling her he got denied, and I can’t do this anymore, and if I can’t, how does he get his shot?
Last week, I told him he had to get himself there, and he said Fine, I’ll take Uber. But he didn’t. Of course not.


Well-Known Member
If he was never officially diagnosed with a learning delay or in Special Education, he’s probably too old now to be tested for that part of the problem. If he really does have a learning disability, he definitely will need various types of assistance and maybe some financial coaching classes. You can’t force him to go or to apply for these services. He has to want it badly enough for himself. At this point, you want it more than he does, and things may not change if he stays in that mindset.

Is he medication compliant when it comes to the schizophrenia?


Well-Known Member
You are getting older. Somebody else will have to look after him eventually. Have you thought of going to court to get him a guardian? Schizophrenia is very serious and impacts cognitive abilities. He could probably use a guardian appointed by the can not take care of him forever. Best to get services now, if you can. Somebody needs to make sure he stays on his SS and gets his shots! He probably won't be able to do these things himself. He is not being difficult. This is what Schizophrenia does to those it affects...they cant take care of their needs if they are not very stable on medication. And if they start getting sick, they will go off their medication...they may believe it is poisen. Schizophrenia is a very serious brain disorder. Many can end up homeless and vulnerable. Plan if you can.

Prayers and love.
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