Back again

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by lost and need help, Apr 12, 2019.

  1. lost and need help

    lost and need help New Member

    I used to lurk here years and years ago when I first began to suspect there was something majorly wrong with my daughter. She is now 14 years old and her temper tantrums are still that of a 2 year old except now she punches, kicks, throws anything within reach, punches holes in walls, destroys property, punches me while driving, kicked out my windshield , suicidal, self-harming, disrespectful, truant, threatens to kill family members, etc.

    History: I never even drank caffeine during my pregnancy with her, so no smoking, drugs, alcohol etc. I took very good care of my self during pregnancy with her except I was sick the whole 9 months. Very complicated delivery resulting in a short NICU stay. Very fussy as a baby, every time she was vaccinated she would scream high pitched screeching for about a month after and had poor eating. I brought this up to the pediatrician many times and was told it was normal. As a toddler she was diagnosis FTT due to poor eating and had swallow study and speech therapy but was told nothing wrong with her. She continued to eat puree until she was about 4 years old with the exception of certain things she liked such as candy/cookies/chips. I later found out she had a severe texture aversion and to this day has a very restrictive diet. Other sensory issues showed at this time, problems with clothing, tags, textures, noises and lights. Again, whenever I brought this up to professionals at the Dr.'s office or the school. I was told, "oh that's normal" or "kids are weird".

    Around 8 years old bean self harming by hitting herself in the face and head and saying she's stupid and wants to die. She began counseling and has seen numerous counselors to date. She has had two short-term hospitilizations in the past year and has several diagnoses, depending on who you talk to. Depression, anxiety, mood dysregulation disorder, eating disorder, ODD, borderline traits, possibly bi-polar, and most recently Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD).

    She is currently in the juvenile system and still refuses requests which she will most likely start getting in trouble for. The court ordered a neuro-psychiatric evaluation which is set up for the near future. So, she is very stubborn and defiant, she is on homebound for school and refuses to work with her teacher or work on her own. She barely leaves the house and only interacts with friends through the internet (of which she is banned frequently and for lenhths of time). She doesn't go into grocery stores or restaurants due to panic attacks and prefers to sit in the vehicle. She is chronically constipated since 2 years old and is frequently impacted and refuses to take her medicine (has been threatened by her dr. to be hospitalized because of the severity). She has also urinated in her clothes in school for fear of asking a teacher to use the bathroom (even though she had a pass to use the bathroom anytime because of her medical issues).

    There is mental health and addiction issues with close and extended family members on both sides of the family, including her father who has mental health and addiction issues. She was also subject to his ranting and raving and emotional abuse of me for many years before I divorced him. Also, she has recently told me that he beat her on several occasions when he was "babysitting" her. She has not seen him in over a year but talks to him through text occasionally. Sometimes when she talks to him she screams for me upset and crying and begging me to make him stop or if she's mad at me she tells me her dad's right about me and what a big pile of :censored2: I am, so whichever suits her in the moment he is the devil or he is a saint.

    At this point I feel like I just can't take it anymore. We live in a warzone, all prisoners to her moods. She changes on a dime, sees aggression towards her where none exists, hears sarcasm where none exists and she lashes out accordingly.Otherwise we are all subject to her constant rantings and circular conversations. She takes up the majority of the entire family's time and energy and I fear the damage it is doing to my other kids.

    I have looked into Residential Treatment Center (RTC) but they're all prohibitively expensive. We are even willing to move somewhere to get resources for her. Please, if anyone has any ideas at all. Ideas for a treatment place, ideas on diagnosis that sounds close to their own child. Anything???

    Thanks, sorry so long.
  2. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    I'm unable to comment upon diagnoses but I believe you are making the right move to get her a neuropsychological exam, preferably at the Child Development Center of a major Children's hospital or University Medical School. When you have the report you will be in a good position to request an emergency IEP at school. If your daughter has issues that are qualifying for special education status (she does) the school is responsible to pay for whatever it costs to educate her in the setting she requires, and to transport her there. *(The school district would be responsible to cover a good portion of the costs, I believe. Your insurance should pay the rest.
    I don't know where you live but it sounds like your daughter has either a developmental disorder or mental illness, and treatment for both of these should be covered by your health insurance, including residential treatment.

    I would take her to a Children's Hospital, if you can. And to see a pediatric neurologist, too, to rule out neurological causation, too. Is there a history that you know about either in your family or her father's of these kinds of behaviors or sensory issues? I would not rule out some kind of genetic influence. Genetic testing should be available through your insurance. A good doctor will leave no stone unturned.

    This is why I would consider going to a regional Children's hospital or University medical school or both. These are the people who have the training and experience to ferret out correct diagnoses so that she and you will be helped.

    Maybe your insurance, once she is diagnosed properly, will pay for a behavioral specialist to train you to deal with her outbursts and her behavioral issues by behavioral modification methods. Maybe there would be funding for respite. The key here is to get her diagnosed so that you know what you're dealing with and can access services.

    I am very sorry it's so hard, and that this has been going on so long.

    • Agree Agree x 1
    • Winner Winner x 1
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
    • List
    Last edited: Apr 14, 2019
  3. lost and need help

    lost and need help New Member

    In all my years of researching and doctors and psychiatrists, it's never been suggested nor have I thought to look into something like this. Thank you for the idea. Yes, she definitely heavily takes after her father from everything to personality, sensitivities, build, etc. He has the same sensory issues, restricted diet, hair trigger, abusive mean streak, impulsivity, constantly screaming and ranting. I tried to figure him out for years and he was diagnosed at one point with bipolar but then had the diagnosis removed. I am unsure of current diagnosis/diagnoses as last I heard he was living in his vehicle awaiting trial for felonious assault and on heroin/meth or both.

    There is bipolar, schizophrenia, PD, alcoholism/addiction running rampant through both her father's side of the family as well as mine. I think she got the worst of it all.

    I also wanted to add, i will call a childrens hospital on Monday. I have literally exhausted every resource available to us where we live. Thank you very much for your suggestions.
    Last edited: Apr 13, 2019