Back Again

Mamacat

Active Member
It’s hard to believe that 4 1/2 years later, I’m back again. It’s my almost 50 year old daughter. I’ve helped her so much financially through the years as she made one bad decision after another. She moved to Colorado. Can’t keep a job. Is again asking for help with either signing for a house or helping too but a motor home for her to live in. I don’t want to do either. I will help her get back to Texas, have offered a place to stay until she can get on her feet. None of that is to her liking. I’m done. No more. It hurts but I’m almost 76 years old and tired.
 

BusynMember

Well-Known Member
Hi there. I am sorry your daughter continues to be on a difficult path. However you have the right to enjoy your golden years knowing you went above and beyond the call of duty and that it's up to your daughter to do better. We can't live forever

Please do not let her steal your peace any longer.

Love and hugs.
 

Mamacat

Active Member
Hi there. I am sorry your daughter continues to be on a difficult path. However you have the right to enjoy your golden years knowing you went above and beyond the call of duty and that it's up to your daughter to do better. We can't live forever

Please do not let her steal your peace any longer.

Love and hugs.
Thank you so much for those words of encouragement. I was just coming back to write how I’m struggling this morning and found your post. Thank you. She’s cut off contract with me and I could probably find a way to talk to her, but I really don’t want to. I can’t handle any more situations with her. I’ve been through abusing husbands, jobs that she’s left, and then issues with my oldest granddaughter. I just can’t take anymore. I’ve been her sounding board for too long. I’ll keep praying. I so much appreciate your writing.
 

BusynMember

Well-Known Member
I am very sorry but her life is on her now. She is no kid and you just can't take care of her anymore. Do you have other family or friends? Interest? Church? Do positive things.

My daughter cut me out too. She is horrible and abusive to me and I don't care if I ever talk to her again. I focus on and am grateful for what is good in my life. I have no power to make my daughter be a good person.
 

Mamacat

Active Member
I do have a son, a husband and several good friends. I live in a beautiful place in the country and enjoy the nature around me. I have lots to keep me busy and happy. Your last sentence spoke to me. I have no power to make her a good person. I see little tidbits of a good person from time to time with statements like “I love you “ and”I miss you “ but then there’s all the abuse that comes when she doesn’t get her way. I don’t like using that word but I can’t think of another one. My husband and I drove almost a thousand miles to see her and grandkids, stayed in a motel for 8 days and saw very little of her. There was always some catastrophe happening. We actually had a good time anyway. I appreciate your reply.
 

BusynMember

Well-Known Member
You have more than a lot of people ❤️. I am not so young anymore and have decided that I only want kind souls around me. Selfish? Maybe. But I am a caregiver and put so much into my daughter that I never got back. She even has her son now in the legal care of my other, nice daughter. She never checks on him and lives 3,000 miles away in an old motorhome. She won't work. Her sometimes abusive husband works in a pizza joint not making enough I'm sure to afford a place in AZ where they are. I had helped her and him with housing for ten years. We were going broke. She seems to not mind homelessness. I don't read her social media but a cousin keeps in touch and tells me she seems to like her "adventure." Certainly she won't work to better their situation and is not yet on a waiting list for Section 8. They do get some benefits. I believe she can work, but she is claiming she is disabled. Maybe she is. That isn't horrible but her being very mean is and I'm done being around that.

I give my daughter to God. He can take care of her. I can't. We tried very hard.

Love and hugs.
 
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Mamacat

Active Member
No
You have more than a lot of people ❤️. I am not so young anymore and have decided that I only want kind souls around me. Selfish? Maybe. But I am a caregiver and put so much into my daughter that I never got back. She even has her son now in the legal care of my other, nice daughter. She never checks on him and lives 3,000 miles away in an old motorhome. She won't work. Her sometimes abusive husband works in a pizza joint not making enough I'm sure to afford a place in AZ where they are. I had helped her and him with housing for ten years. We were going broke. She seems to not mind homelessness. I don't read her social media but a cousin keeps in touch and tells me she seems to like her "adventure." Certainly she won't work to better their situation and is not yet on a waiting list for Section 8. They do get some benefits. I believe she can work, but she is claiming she is disabled. Maybe she is. That isn't horrible but her being very mean is and I'm done being around that.

I give my daughter to God. He can take care of her. I can't. We tried very hard.

Love and hugs.
some of your story sounds very familiar. I just added up what I had sent through Venmo in the last 2 years. Unbelievable! That’s just the last two years! This started about 13 years ago. I wish I had that money back, but oh well! She stopped talking to me about 3 days ago. She wanted me to sign for a house or help her buy a motor home. I didn’t respond in the way she would have liked and that was the end. I don’t want to talk to her. I feel like I’ve reached my limit. She’s college educated but can’t seem to keep a job. I’m getting older too. I want peace in my life. You’re so kind to respond. I appreciate the support of this group
 

Mamacat

Active Member
I heard from my daughter today. Like nothing happened. She didn’t ask for anything. Thinking she wants to move. Had reconnected with a college boyfriend. Having trouble with my 12 year old granddaughter. I remained friendly, listened, and that was about it it was good to hear from her but I have no interest in getting sucked into anything.
 

Mamacat

Active Member
After a few friendly exchanges by texting, I sent a picture of a travel trailer we have and told my daughter she was welcome to stay here until she can get on her feet and find housing. She asked me if we could bring it to Tulsa Oklahoma f or her and my granddaughters to live in until she finds housing there. We live in central texas. Tulsa is almost 500 miles. My husband is 78 and there’s no way I would consider hauling this old trailer that far on interstate highways. My response was that the trailer doesn’t make long trips anymore. So now I’m blocked on her phone.
 

BusynMember

Well-Known Member
She is just using you. Mine does too

Shame on her for expecting her 78 year old dad to bring it to her! Who ARE these adults of ours.

I would not lose sleep, if you can manage not to. Your daughter is close to being a senior citizen and knows how to behave. She just isn't nice. Neither is mine.

Our no contact has worked for us.

Please be peaceful and.pray. Hugs?
 

Mamacat

Active Member
Your responses have meant so much to me. I’ve gone back and read them again. I never thought our relationship would come to this, but the signs were there all along. I just choose to ignore them and take the little tidbits of love that I got mostly in response to giving money. That’s enough! I’m staying focused on those who care about me and enjoying the life I have. I loved your line “she’s close to being a senior citizen.” That’s true! Never thought of it like that. I won’t be here forever. No contract is not so bad. One could get used to this. Thanks again for caring!
 

Crayola13

Well-Known Member
It was generous enough for you to offer the trailer without driving it to another state. I'm 47 and couldn't drive one to another state. I don't blame you. My dad is 74, and I wouldn't expect him to, either.
 

Mamacat

Active Member
I sat down yesterday and added up how much money I’ve sent since August of 2019. The total blew my mind. That was through venmo. Before that I’d go to Walmart. That is after years of sending money through Walmart. And two cars and God knows what else. It’s been 12 years of this. It was a rude awakening. So I’m done! I don’t know what will happen to her but it’s in Gods hands. I plan to take y’all’s advise and enjoy my golden years.
 

BusynMember

Well-Known Member
If she can't take care of herself by 50, it won't happen.

We bought Kay a house, a mobile home, three cars, paid her rent etc. We became her bank. If not for the things we gave her we barely saw her or she was rude. When we told her no more at all, she cut us off and ran away to the other side of the country. No phone calls, not even to her son whom she gave to her sister to raise, a blessing for him. And us.

We have a small savings because we spent so much on Kay. The rest goes to my other kids when I am gone. They deserve the rest. We all try so hard with no guarantees.

Hugs.
 

Mamacat

Active Member
If she can't take care of herself by 50, it won't happen.

We bought Kay a house, a mobile home, three cars, paid her rent etc. We became her bank. If not for the things we gave her we barely saw her or she was rude. When we told her no more at all, she cut us off and ran away to the other side of the country. No phone calls, not even to her son whom she gave to her sister to raise, a blessing for him. And us.

We have a small savings because we spent so much on Kay. The rest goes to my other kids when I am gone. They deserve the rest. We all try so hard with no guarantees.

Hugs.
We’re ok financially but we live very frugally. My husband doesn’t know about money I’ve been sending her. We’re a second marriage.
 

BusynMember

Well-Known Member
That's fine. you and I did what we thought would help. For us we found a time to say no more. It took a decade but we did it.

Interestingly , our daughter and her husband are surviving, not thriving, without us, but they did what we begged them to do in the past and they would never act upon.

Kay (,Lee too) is on Disability, which she refused to explore as long as we rescued her. With Disability she gets Medicare and their low income qualifies them for Medicaid as well plus a food card. At least she has these resources. I am relieved.

If Lee and Kay get sick of living in a dodgy camper they qualify for Section 8 too. I never thought these things would bring me joy but it's a weight off my shoulders.

I can't control Kay and how she insists on living PLUS I could not buy her love, which I think we both tried to do as she rejected us unless we offered her money and other things. We wanted her to love us the way we loved her and by rescuing her we thought she would love us. It was a mess, really. It just made her entitled and yes meaner.

Eventually we admitted to ourselves that the only time she contacted us was to ask for favors. And boy did she let us have it if we said no.

It was very hard but we are on the way up. Very much we are.

Prayers to you.
 
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Mamacat

Active Member
Good morning and thank you. My story is a little different but not much. My daughter has food stamps. She, I think, wants better for herself and granddaughters, but can’t keep a job. The only one she seems to do ok with is house cleaning. Working for anyone else, forget it. Something happens that displeases her and she literally walks off the job. Just doesn’t go back. No phone call, no nothing! I’m surprised she continued to find jobs in this small town she lives in. I just pray lots of blessings for her. She gets help from abused women places. She’s a great talker. She can talk like she really cares about me and even shed tears, but then can cut off contact with me if I don’t rescue her. I never had trouble sending money but didn’t want to consign for anything or “lend” large amounts of money or drive a travel trailer 600 miles to another location. Just couldn’t do those.
I’m glad your daughter has managed on her own. How old is she? Mine will manage also! You’re right. We won’t always be here. Have a good day. I appreciate so much your input.
 

BusynMember

Well-Known Member
34 and the Bank of Dad and Mom is permanently shut down. I do mind helping her now....I have others to think about and I can't live forever to help any of them. THEY have to do it. Plus my other loved ones need me, although thankfully my younger two kids are doing very well. They never ask for anything and even ask us if they can do this or that for us. Do you have other, gentler loved ones? I hope so.

Your grandkids will make it. Or not. Like mine. Like everyone. We make it because we try hard and get help if we need it and don't abuse drugs. If we don't make it, it's on us. Mom, your daughter and her kids are not yours to fix....I can't fix mine either. We both gave it our all. Didn't we? It's hard because all the money and gifts does not help them.

Love and prayers always.
 

Mamacat

Active Member
I have a son who lives with my husband and I. He was a drug user for several years and bottomed out and ended up in jail for a month. He is doing good. Of drugs and attended a community college studying American Sign Language. My husband is a good guy. He’s been through the mill with my two kids. His are ok and take care of themselves. I have no siblings but have a 88 year old cousin that I’m very close to. And one or two good friends. So I’m good with having kind people in my life. I’m realizing my granddaughters will be ok to. Whatever their life is, it’s theirs and they will learn their lessons to. I’ll always be here for them. Have a good evening.
 
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