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ksm

Well-Known Member
Wow... I don't know what to say. I would feel overwhelmed. Are you still needing to help her financislly? Has she notified the father? Will he step up financially? Of course, after his wife finds out, he may be paying her child support, leaving less for her child.

I just can't grasp having a child at that age. Hope this turns out ok... ksm
 

Copabanana

Well-Known Member
This is not your challenge to handle or fix. It’s your daughter’s life. The only solace for you is to remember you can’t control it, you didn’t cause it and you can’t fix it. She will do what she will do, just like she always has..

Your challenge is to stay focused on your well being not hers.
 

BusynMember1

Well-Known Member
Hi there.

If she is 50, you can't be young. I am not either. Both of us deserve a relaxed, good rest of our lives. Our adult children are not young anymore and whatever they do they do. You need not trouble yourself with this. She needs to deal with the father and any monetary issues. This is not your business. We don't give our daughter. money anymore and she is totally allowed to be a grown up and solve her own issues. We can't be alive forever to pick them up.

I sent love and prayers. I have a highly difficult daughter and have learned to give her well being over to God. You can too. Both of us deserve peace in our golden years. Maybe take up new interests and just enjoy your life! Try something new. Don't focus on anyone but you. You deserve putting yourself first.

God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I can not change,
The Courage to change the things I can,
And the Wisdom to know the difference.
 
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Mamacat

Active Member
I’m 76. I’ve been dealing with her bad decisions for years. She has told the man who impregnated her but she says she doesn’t want to do anything to harm his marriage. I’m sure I’ll be helping her financially. I don’t know how she could possibly survive with the cost of childcare etc. I would rather send money than have her living near me. I told her I can’t be a babysitter. Too old and too tired I’m just flabbergasted and overwhelmed. Trying to be calm, pray, and stay focused on myself. I feel very bad for my granddaughters. They are less than happy about the situation. They’ve had a lifetime of their mother’s irresponsible behavior.
 

BusynMember1

Well-Known Member
Your granddaughters will grow into independent adults. Their mothers decisions will not be their problem either.

Many.kids who grow up fine have less than perfect mothers. Often it makes them determined not to be the same and to be stronger.

I hope you don't send more money than you can afford. She us capable of getting childcare assistance. It's not a choice between you and your money. There are other choices.. she could also consider adoption.

Love and prayers.
 

Mamacat

Active Member
Thank you for your thoughts. I also realize my granddaughters could grow up fine taking what they have learned and using it in a positive way. I doubt she would consider adoption. I wondered about childcare assistance. There’sa lot of help out there so maybe that will be available. I’m trying not to worry and just taking one day at a time. She doesn’t really take advantage of my financial help other than making bad decisions that put her in a spot financially.
 

Crayola13

Well-Known Member
She probably thought she couldn’t get pregnant at fifty, and I wouldn’t have thought so, either. There is a strong chance she will miscarry because of her age. There is also the increased risk of having a special needs child. She needs to prepare herself for these possibilities. Even for parents whose finances are in order, providing for a special needs child is expensive. Some aspects of certain conditions aren’t covered by insurance. Maybe finding a couple who can afford to give the child the resources she or he needs would be best for the child’s life. Then, she will be coming to you for financial assistance. You need to be prepared for that part. Hopefully, the baby will be fine, but statistics don’t show a rosy outlook. I’m sorry to sound so bleak, and I really hope all this goes well.

Regardless, she will need someone to turn to during all of this. If you don’t feel like you can be that support system, you’ll have to maintain firm boundaries. I’m hoping she can find a support group or a friend who has been in a similar situation.

I understand why she doesn’t want the father involved, but if there is a condition that is very costly, she should reconsider getting child support from him,
 
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