Been a while

LauraH

Well-Known Member
Hello to anyone here who already knows me, and to anyone who's joined the forum since I was last here. Just checking in with some updates and a question. The update, my son is still in Chicago and as far as I'm aware is working on recovery, going to therapy, meetings, etc. I'll get an occasional red flag but I've reached the point of don't ask/don't tell. If something else is going on with him, he'll tell me when and if he's ready, because it's his journey, not mine. Ignorance is bliss, as they say.

But here's the question. The other day we were talking about life insurance and he told me that he has decided to take out a policy on me with himself as the beneficiary. (I did some research and there are limitations and caveats so he may not be able to...at least not legally) I did read that I would have to give my consent for him to take out a policy in my name. Yesterday he called to inform me that he had talked to an insurer (not sure which company) and that I needed to be on the phone with him and the insurer, and he wanted to make the call right then and there. Now, I don't have a problem with this per se, but I did tell him that I needed to give this a lot of thought and consideration, maybe even seek legal advice, before I agreed to consent to his plan. At which point he blew up, started yelling at me, and then hung up on me when I calmly told him to not raise his voice to me.

So here's the thing. Why the urgency, why would he need to take out life insurance on me RIGHT NOW? This is the type of decision that any rational adult would need to think over and not just jump into without weighing all the pros and cons. My husband said it made him wonder if my son has something up his sleeve. And while I can't believe, or don't want to believe, that he could be hatching something nefarious, I don't really know his situation. If it's desperate enough, well....anything might be possible. I even considered the possibility that he might try to somehow get a friend to pose as me on the phone and/or forge my signature or falsify the application some way and I might never know about it (which of course would be insurance fraud)

Thoughts, anyone? by the way I have not talked to him since he hung up on me, nor will I answer the phone today if he calls. I normally go 2 or 3 days of not taking his calls when he's hung up on me, but if he calls tomorrow I will, since it's Thanksgiving. Maybe.
 

ksm

Well-Known Member
Hugs. I can see why you would be concerned. Maybe instead of a life insurance policy on you, he should invest in long term investments as a plan for the future. Where do you think he got this idea? Do you have other children? Is it reasonable that you expect him to receive some type of inheritance once you and hubby pass?

I have no clue how to advise you on tnis... it just sounds strange, especially his anger, ksm
 

LauraH

Well-Known Member
Hugs. I can see why you would be concerned. Maybe instead of a life insurance policy on you, he should invest in long term investments as a plan for the future. Where do you think he got this idea? Do you have other children? Is it reasonable that you expect him to receive some type of inheritance once you and hubby pass?

I have no clue how to advise you on tnis... it just sounds strange, especially his anger, ksm
Yes, even my husband said it sounds bizarre, and I agree. He's my only child (but he's not my husband's son). Not sure where he got the idea from, but I find it unsettling that it looks like he wants to "cash in" after my death. There might be a small inheritance, if I outlive my husband, but it's nothing really significant, maybe $10 - $15K. But to an addict, even a recovering addict, that's a major windfall. The laughable thing is that my son, who is 32, can't manage his money, has a hard time paying his bills, and owes money all over the place. How he can pay the premiums on a life insurance policy is beyond me, unless he has the money to pay for a year upfront, which I have a hard time believing.

I have not decided to agree to this or not, but rest assured, if I do not and he takes out a fraudulent claim on me and I find out about it, I won't hesitate to report him to the authorities, only child or not. When he was a teenager he used one of my credit cards without my knowledge and when I went to dispute the charges I was told that to remove the charges they would need to prosecute my son. I wasn't willing to do that at that time but I emphatically told him that if it happened again I would. He knew I meant it and he never used my card(s) again. Same concept applies here, only there would be no "if it happens again". One and done, should it come to that.
 

RN0441

100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
Hell no.

I do not like the sound of this at all and I would in no way participate. It is just plain weird and creepy.

I know how much you love your son. I know we all love our children but that has nothing to do with this.

I am sorry he is doing this to you. I would not like it one bit. He is not ready to be the son that you deserve so I'd keep my distance. I know that it hurts you and I'm sorry but just no.

:notalone:
 

LauraH

Well-Known Member
Hell no.

I do not like the sound of this at all and I would in no way participate. It is just plain weird and creepy.

I know how much you love your son. I know we all love our children but that has nothing to do with this.

I am sorry he is doing this to you. I would not like it one bit. He is not ready to be the son that you deserve so I'd keep my distance. I know that it hurts you and I'm sorry but just no.

:notalone:
Agree, it is creepy, unsettling, and troubling. He called twice today and I didn't pick up. Later I did return the call and he started out apologizing for his behavior last night. He then asked me if I had made a decision and I said not yet. I then told him that after his behavior last night I would not discuss this with him...at all, period...until I had reached a decision. He proceeded to try to argue about it and try to pull me into a discussion, to which I reiterated that I would not discuss it at this time. He said, Well I guess I'll just talk to you later then, good by, and hung up. Gotta love those heartfelt sincere apologies, huh? lol

The best part of all this is that because of this group, Nar-Anon, and my own resolve to reclaim my live and peace of mind, his current behavior doesn't rattle me like would have in the past. (Although now I'm wondering if he's relapsing again, but that's not really my concern. And if he is, that's just one more reason for me not to go along with his scheme.)
 

RN0441

100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
Honestly if someone wanted to take out a life insurance policy on me other than my husband which we both have the same one on each other, I'd think they were planning to do me in.

There is no other reason and him focusing on this is just not mentally healthy. It's like he's trying to figure out how NOT to be productive and wait around for his inheritance. Nope.

I'd not even tell him I'm thinking about it. I'd tell him never to even mention that to me again! I wouldn't even entertain this for anyone that asked me that.

Sorry but I'm just being honest.
 

Copabanana

Well-Known Member
I agree with everybody x 10. He’s got a plan. Whether nefarious or sinister or nutty ( it’s something bad—my gut tells me so) I would run and hide. He’s got no business speculating on your eventual death.
 
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BusynMember

Well-Known Member
If any of my kids, especially my troubled one but ANY of them asked me that I would say NO first then wonder about why later. I'm sorry but I have seen too many true crime shows and taking out.life insurance on somebody is never a good thing. I have never heard of a child taking out a policy on Mom. How much is it?

The fact is your son is troubled. He is requesting a very bizarre thing and is pushing it hard. Why? You can't know why. Please take care of yourself and say NO first. Don't even tell him you spoke to a lawyer even if you do. It's probably legal to do. That doesn't mean it's smart to do or safe or that your son has good intentions.

One last time: JUST SAY NO!
 
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Acacia

Well-Known Member
I just want to say that I am sorry you are having to deal with this situation. I agree that your son wanting to do this isn't appropriate and his urgency is unsettling. It may be possible that he's hoping for some money in the future, but either way, you need to protect yourself and listen to your gut.
 

newstart

Well-Known Member
Hello to anyone here who already knows me, and to anyone who's joined the forum since I was last here. Just checking in with some updates and a question. The update, my son is still in Chicago and as far as I'm aware is working on recovery, going to therapy, meetings, etc. I'll get an occasional red flag but I've reached the point of don't ask/don't tell. If something else is going on with him, he'll tell me when and if he's ready, because it's his journey, not mine. Ignorance is bliss, as they say.

But here's the question. The other day we were talking about life insurance and he told me that he has decided to take out a policy on me with himself as the beneficiary. (I did some research and there are limitations and caveats so he may not be able to...at least not legally) I did read that I would have to give my consent for him to take out a policy in my name. Yesterday he called to inform me that he had talked to an insurer (not sure which company) and that I needed to be on the phone with him and the insurer, and he wanted to make the call right then and there. Now, I don't have a problem with this per se, but I did tell him that I needed to give this a lot of thought and consideration, maybe even seek legal advice, before I agreed to consent to his plan. At which point he blew up, started yelling at me, and then hung up on me when I calmly told him to not raise his voice to me.

So here's the thing. Why the urgency, why would he need to take out life insurance on me RIGHT NOW? This is the type of decision that any rational adult would need to think over and not just jump into without weighing all the pros and cons. My husband said it made him wonder if my son has something up his sleeve. And while I can't believe, or don't want to believe, that he could be hatching something nefarious, I don't really know his situation. If it's desperate enough, well....anything might be possible. I even considered the possibility that he might try to somehow get a friend to pose as me on the phone and/or forge my signature or falsify the application some way and I might never know about it (which of course would be insurance fraud)

Thoughts, anyone? by the way I have not talked to him since he hung up on me, nor will I answer the phone today if he calls. I normally go 2 or 3 days of not taking his calls when he's hung up on me, but if he calls tomorrow I will, since it's Thanksgiving. Maybe.
Hi Laura, I was happy to see that you posted but so sad about the request from your son.
There are times during my daughter's mania that I feel and sense she wants me gone and would like to have her inheritance now.
It is one of the creepiest deep down feelings that a mother can experience. I would not agree to do this for your son. It sounds wrong.
It is wonderful that you have found a way to feel balanced with such imbalance in your life.
 
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