Blindsided again, any experience or suggestions?

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Blindsided, Sep 23, 2019.

  1. Blindsided

    Blindsided Face the Sun

    I am in LA visiting my son and his wife, trying to hold on to some normalcy.

    First, when my plane landed I got a text from my step sister. My 92 y/o dad had to go back 5th time for bloody urine and same day my step mom admitted to hospital with masses all over her kidney. My dad and I were estranged for 30 years and reconnected 25 years ago. It is a different dynamic. Their ability to live independently is about to change. My 5 siblings,1/2 and step, were raised together. A bit of emotional stress to kick off my visit.

    Then day before yesterday May texts me. (May, alias, is my conduct disorder child. I unknowingly enabled her close to 20 years. She is highly manipulative).

    "Hey mom, would you be able to loan me some money if I send you the title to my car? I would rather pay you interest on a loan then a title max company. Please let me know. Thanks. "

    My last real interaction with her in late spring ended like this:

    Me
    "I feel you are lashing out because you are scared. I am scared for you. But, you dont get back with me. I am still waiting to hear what doctor said about your liver tests. What is this test?"

    May

    "You really NEVER cease to amaze me with your selfish ways. Really? Liver test or colonoscopy, endoscopy, fibroscan, lactose malabsorption test... You're so smart but thank GOD Aunt S has been there for me therefore if something very bad about comes up you will be informed and that's all I want is for you to be informed.
    Do NOT cry for me because you DO NOT deserve to cry. I love you. You're my mom. You should have been there for me and you never have been.
    Sad."

    I havent answered this last plea for money. My son, his wife, my sis, and my husband all say not to. They are sick of her wrath toward me. I have told her there will be no more money, that was in 2016. It's not going to change, unless she gets help and makes positive choices and then there will not be a hand to hand exchange.

    I dont want her to feel isolated, but I dont want to listen to her abuse either.

    I havent a clue how to respond.
     
  2. WiseChoices

    WiseChoices Active Member

    My response to this text would be "No". And that's it. Her last text to you was rude and has never been resolved, you still don't know what is going on with her health, and you set a boundary and said no more money some time ago, so I would stick to that showing self respect.

    As far as the other news is concerned that you received upon landing, there is very little you can do, and I think I would try to enjoy my visit with my son and his wife.
     
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  3. Blindsided

    Blindsided Face the Sun

    thank you, so much. We are having a really good time. They are treating me like a queen. I did for them too as young adults, but for them it was really helping so they could get over a hump. Now they show their gratitude. They are totally perplexed as to my daughters delusions.

    Headed out to do a photo shoot. It is wonderful to have a daughter in law who loves photography like I do.
     
  4. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    I agree with your family and with wise above. Write "no."

    Guard your strength. Cherish your serenity and security, and the support you have from loving family and friends.

    Your daughter has to solve her own life, meet her own challenges. It's time. So does my son.
     
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