owendavidj
New Member
fyi doing this from my smart phone, do please forgive mispellings. Just looking for some advice, encouragement, or whatever you got.
Quick background on my brother-in-law: he is 37 years old, married to my sister. he has an old history of drug addiction from before they met. About 2 years ago he started using again. It was pretty obvious s his behavior changed, he was always moody, very anti social with family, and the biggest sign, he just couldn't hold on to money. Advised my sister to confront him about it in which he denied all. Then he started stealing from her. After she had left him, a few months go by and he called out of the blue and admitted his addiction,finally, to coke. I tried to help him, he seemed to straighten out, moved back in with my sister and within 3 months she was drained of everything cashable to her name, and slowly got her in -500 in her checking account as well, she left him again (moved in with me), and we combined him to go to rehab, which he participated in the full program of 90 days, and before allowing him to come home (to my house now) spoke with his counselors and dr's st the rehab who spoke highly of his progress, and gave some advice for his return into society. The edited version of this advice is that basically i have him on lock down. He I'd not allowed a set of house keys, he is not allowed to drive without permission (we hold his car keys), he is not allowed guests, his phone is tracked so we can see all texts and phone calls, and i monitor it daily. Etc,etc.
This is what's going on. Within a week home he was caught red handed stealing checks from his brothers checkbook st his brothers house (he was allowed to visit under his brothers supervision). My other roommates rent money disappeared on due day. He lost 2 jobs in 2weeks (one of which was bc of money missing from a register), and has been unableto find a job in the last 6weeks, not even a minimum wage job. I've administered 2 random drug tests, once when the roommates rent disappeared, and once again 3 days later, he passed both drug tests.
before rehab, when he would steal or use, he would always get really guilty and admit what he did soonish after. But now with all these recent shenanigans he's striking back (getting upset or "hurt" at the accusations) and denying till he's blue in the face. To the point where I've even gently confronted my other roommate about things, bc he actually had me believing for a second that maybe she stole her own rent money back so he would get blamed. It's insane.
Now I'm finding $120 cash missing out of night table. This if the last straw, i confront him, and he tells me about 3 individual accounts where my roommate had company over and there was s brief period on time the company was home without the roommate present in the house. I mean, he's always got an answer, always an excuse, always a scape goat.
I can't afford to keep popping random drug tests, but he did pass the 2 right after a large chunk of money went missing.
I told him tonight that were having a house meeting tomorrow and if he admits to everything he's denied in the last couple months, in detail, including where the money went, and return what's left of it if any, that i will give him 1 more chance. I did already tell him 1 more chance after the rent money disappeared, which he still denies of course.
I'm a recovering alcoholic, sober 5 years, so i have a soft door for trying to help him, but how many last chances can i give the guy. And it makes it so much harder that i don't really have concrete evidence of anything other than the fact he's a dead beat, i feel like an if i put him out on the street.
Quick background on my brother-in-law: he is 37 years old, married to my sister. he has an old history of drug addiction from before they met. About 2 years ago he started using again. It was pretty obvious s his behavior changed, he was always moody, very anti social with family, and the biggest sign, he just couldn't hold on to money. Advised my sister to confront him about it in which he denied all. Then he started stealing from her. After she had left him, a few months go by and he called out of the blue and admitted his addiction,finally, to coke. I tried to help him, he seemed to straighten out, moved back in with my sister and within 3 months she was drained of everything cashable to her name, and slowly got her in -500 in her checking account as well, she left him again (moved in with me), and we combined him to go to rehab, which he participated in the full program of 90 days, and before allowing him to come home (to my house now) spoke with his counselors and dr's st the rehab who spoke highly of his progress, and gave some advice for his return into society. The edited version of this advice is that basically i have him on lock down. He I'd not allowed a set of house keys, he is not allowed to drive without permission (we hold his car keys), he is not allowed guests, his phone is tracked so we can see all texts and phone calls, and i monitor it daily. Etc,etc.
This is what's going on. Within a week home he was caught red handed stealing checks from his brothers checkbook st his brothers house (he was allowed to visit under his brothers supervision). My other roommates rent money disappeared on due day. He lost 2 jobs in 2weeks (one of which was bc of money missing from a register), and has been unableto find a job in the last 6weeks, not even a minimum wage job. I've administered 2 random drug tests, once when the roommates rent disappeared, and once again 3 days later, he passed both drug tests.
before rehab, when he would steal or use, he would always get really guilty and admit what he did soonish after. But now with all these recent shenanigans he's striking back (getting upset or "hurt" at the accusations) and denying till he's blue in the face. To the point where I've even gently confronted my other roommate about things, bc he actually had me believing for a second that maybe she stole her own rent money back so he would get blamed. It's insane.
Now I'm finding $120 cash missing out of night table. This if the last straw, i confront him, and he tells me about 3 individual accounts where my roommate had company over and there was s brief period on time the company was home without the roommate present in the house. I mean, he's always got an answer, always an excuse, always a scape goat.
I can't afford to keep popping random drug tests, but he did pass the 2 right after a large chunk of money went missing.
I told him tonight that were having a house meeting tomorrow and if he admits to everything he's denied in the last couple months, in detail, including where the money went, and return what's left of it if any, that i will give him 1 more chance. I did already tell him 1 more chance after the rent money disappeared, which he still denies of course.
I'm a recovering alcoholic, sober 5 years, so i have a soft door for trying to help him, but how many last chances can i give the guy. And it makes it so much harder that i don't really have concrete evidence of anything other than the fact he's a dead beat, i feel like an if i put him out on the street.