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Can you forgive him forever?
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<blockquote data-quote="Elsi" data-source="post: 742340" data-attributes="member: 23349"><p>Smithmom, that’s a tough question. I know I came to a point with my ex husband where I had no more forgiveness left to give. I probably forgave way to much for way too long. Could I come to the same place with one of my kids? I don’t know. </p><p></p><p>I guess I see two separate things. The act of forgiveness within our hearts, which allows us to move on and find peace. I think I could alway do that. But reestablishing trust and opening myself up to further hurt is something else entirely. I could see a point where I could not do that again. For forever? I don’t know. Forever is a long time. I don’t like to close doors permanently. But I don’t think you’re a bad person for wanting to protect yourself from further hurt. </p><p></p><p>The truth is I’m already wearing a lot of armor with my two difficult ones. I have no real expectations for them anymore. That limits my ability to be hurt By them. I don’t trust them enough to have them stay with me. I have no particular expectations that they will contact me (except when they want something), zero expectations that I will ever be able to lean on them for any kind of support, no expectation that they will remember my birthday or otherwise do anything for me. I know they lie to me, to get things from me or to avoid my disappointment. But they don’t realize I am beyond the ability to be disappointed, because I have no expectations to disappoint. What is is. Is this unconditional love and forgiveness? Or just giving up? I think maybe the latter. We have reached a point where forgiveness is irrelevant. </p><p></p><p>I love my kids and always will. If there are things within my power to do for them that I think have a snowball’s Chance in hell of helping, I will continue to do them. But my heart is guarded from them now. It’s one more piece of my sadness. There is a distance between us that I don’t know how to close.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Elsi, post: 742340, member: 23349"] Smithmom, that’s a tough question. I know I came to a point with my ex husband where I had no more forgiveness left to give. I probably forgave way to much for way too long. Could I come to the same place with one of my kids? I don’t know. I guess I see two separate things. The act of forgiveness within our hearts, which allows us to move on and find peace. I think I could alway do that. But reestablishing trust and opening myself up to further hurt is something else entirely. I could see a point where I could not do that again. For forever? I don’t know. Forever is a long time. I don’t like to close doors permanently. But I don’t think you’re a bad person for wanting to protect yourself from further hurt. The truth is I’m already wearing a lot of armor with my two difficult ones. I have no real expectations for them anymore. That limits my ability to be hurt By them. I don’t trust them enough to have them stay with me. I have no particular expectations that they will contact me (except when they want something), zero expectations that I will ever be able to lean on them for any kind of support, no expectation that they will remember my birthday or otherwise do anything for me. I know they lie to me, to get things from me or to avoid my disappointment. But they don’t realize I am beyond the ability to be disappointed, because I have no expectations to disappoint. What is is. Is this unconditional love and forgiveness? Or just giving up? I think maybe the latter. We have reached a point where forgiveness is irrelevant. I love my kids and always will. If there are things within my power to do for them that I think have a snowball’s Chance in hell of helping, I will continue to do them. But my heart is guarded from them now. It’s one more piece of my sadness. There is a distance between us that I don’t know how to close. [/QUOTE]
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Can you forgive him forever?
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