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Can you forgive him forever?
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<blockquote data-quote="Smithmom" data-source="post: 742349" data-attributes="member: 23371"><p>You're right in a lot of ways. </p><p></p><p>Fundamentally I'm not collapsing. I'm not giving him the name. I don't think he sees it as making him happy. I think he sees her as someone he wants to blame. If he hadn't been drug exposed in utero.... Thus the anger he wants to vent at her and consequences to her be darned...He doesn't care. If he destroys her life and her relationships with her kids and family so what? He doesn't see that I don't want him to burn that bridge. I want him to be more mature. He won't listen to me explain her position he's not going to listen to her. So turn the anger on me. Am I supposed to accept this assignment of anger for where his life is and has been? For how long? </p><p></p><p>I do believe he knows how mean this is and how much it hurts me. Unlike others here I have opened up my emotions to him when he has had periods of sobriety (in jail). That's part of why we're so close. But it means he knows how to really hurt me. That's not easy to do given all I've been through. But he took the next step too which is to try to alienate my middle son from me. He's successfully doing that. He can't get at my youngest, my autistic one. But I have no doubt he'd try if he could.get at him. </p><p></p><p>But yes, I feel that I want to escalate it. Because I want to end the pain. Every day with no contact is pain. If I end it then I can grieve and end the pain. It can't come back day after day. I'm not waiting for the contact in one, two or 5 years. Not waiting for the release date when he calls and says I need help and oh yea I'm sorry.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Smithmom, post: 742349, member: 23371"] You're right in a lot of ways. Fundamentally I'm not collapsing. I'm not giving him the name. I don't think he sees it as making him happy. I think he sees her as someone he wants to blame. If he hadn't been drug exposed in utero.... Thus the anger he wants to vent at her and consequences to her be darned...He doesn't care. If he destroys her life and her relationships with her kids and family so what? He doesn't see that I don't want him to burn that bridge. I want him to be more mature. He won't listen to me explain her position he's not going to listen to her. So turn the anger on me. Am I supposed to accept this assignment of anger for where his life is and has been? For how long? I do believe he knows how mean this is and how much it hurts me. Unlike others here I have opened up my emotions to him when he has had periods of sobriety (in jail). That's part of why we're so close. But it means he knows how to really hurt me. That's not easy to do given all I've been through. But he took the next step too which is to try to alienate my middle son from me. He's successfully doing that. He can't get at my youngest, my autistic one. But I have no doubt he'd try if he could.get at him. But yes, I feel that I want to escalate it. Because I want to end the pain. Every day with no contact is pain. If I end it then I can grieve and end the pain. It can't come back day after day. I'm not waiting for the contact in one, two or 5 years. Not waiting for the release date when he calls and says I need help and oh yea I'm sorry. [/QUOTE]
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Can you forgive him forever?
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