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Can you forgive him forever?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 742474" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Copa yes. I loved my mother as a child and remember telling my first therapists that my mother was a great Mom but I had been a bad kid. This was in my early 20s. I was a mess in my 20s and early 30s. I believed this for a long time. I thought it was normal for my family to treat me like I was the black sheep. Slowly I learned the disease of my FOO and, although for a long time it lingered only in the back of my mind, I came to resent my brother who could do no wrong, my sister who treated me like my mother did, a horrible uncle who called me "the brat" and was narcicistic and of course my mother. But I still fought with thinking their treatment of me was my fault because I was "bad."</p><p></p><p>I know better now and my mother, long deceased, is forgiven but not a part of my heart. I would never put her photo on my FB page on her birthday, for example. It would be a farce and I dont miss her. By the time she passed I hadnt seen her for years (her choice) and I did not grieve her passing.</p><p></p><p>I also dont identify with her or really many of my FOO. I am very different in my opinion from all of them. Thank God! The trauma is over. I feel no more attachment to them other than certain memories, not good.</p><p></p><p>It was a relief after my dad passed to finally decide to say goodbye to all of the deceased who had abused me and the two still alive somewhere doing whatever they do. This is morbid but I have already decided my obituary will be only two from my FOO and all of my delightful family of choice. No mother or, sister or brother mention because they are not a part of me. I divorce them all. And I will never have to talk to them again on this earth. My choice. In the end, the decision was my own.</p><p></p><p>It still probably puzzles my sister who called the cops on me all the time. She honestly thinks she was a good sister lol. Too bad. So sad.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 742474, member: 1550"] Copa yes. I loved my mother as a child and remember telling my first therapists that my mother was a great Mom but I had been a bad kid. This was in my early 20s. I was a mess in my 20s and early 30s. I believed this for a long time. I thought it was normal for my family to treat me like I was the black sheep. Slowly I learned the disease of my FOO and, although for a long time it lingered only in the back of my mind, I came to resent my brother who could do no wrong, my sister who treated me like my mother did, a horrible uncle who called me "the brat" and was narcicistic and of course my mother. But I still fought with thinking their treatment of me was my fault because I was "bad." I know better now and my mother, long deceased, is forgiven but not a part of my heart. I would never put her photo on my FB page on her birthday, for example. It would be a farce and I dont miss her. By the time she passed I hadnt seen her for years (her choice) and I did not grieve her passing. I also dont identify with her or really many of my FOO. I am very different in my opinion from all of them. Thank God! The trauma is over. I feel no more attachment to them other than certain memories, not good. It was a relief after my dad passed to finally decide to say goodbye to all of the deceased who had abused me and the two still alive somewhere doing whatever they do. This is morbid but I have already decided my obituary will be only two from my FOO and all of my delightful family of choice. No mother or, sister or brother mention because they are not a part of me. I divorce them all. And I will never have to talk to them again on this earth. My choice. In the end, the decision was my own. It still probably puzzles my sister who called the cops on me all the time. She honestly thinks she was a good sister lol. Too bad. So sad. [/QUOTE]
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