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Can you forgive him forever?
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 742489" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I would do anything to stop those envelopes from coming.</p><p style="text-align: left"></p><p>I would change my address. I would write to the prison and put a block on his mail, so as to not receive mail from him. (It is frequent that prisoners harass their victims. There is a mechanism to stop this. It is not hard.)</p><p></p><p>I feel guilt about putting up a strong boundary with my son. He chooses to not understand or take responsibility for what were his responsibilities, that he committed to. To him, it was I wanted more money; or I wouldn't support him enough organizing his money. It is always what more I could do. And never about him. </p><p></p><p>The reason for this detour is I wonder if you would feel bad that you might hurt his feelings, to stop son's ability to send mail to you. You see. I would. And it would be wrong. Our sons, not us, are responsible for what they do and do not do and responsible to figure out that it is wrong and there are consequences.</p><p></p><p>Right now I am sad because my son has not responded to either texts or a phone call. I guess he will not meet me on Saturday to try to work things out. I wonder, too, if he is trying to hurt me. I need to not go there and stay centered in myself. I have a much fuller life than he. In fact, he is a drain and a worry, and not choosing to be much of a joy right now. But other people are a joy. There is joy. I may not be able to control my feelings in my sleep but I sure can during the day if I do things for me, that I enjoy.</p><p></p><p>By calling my son last week I opened back up the dynamic that he can have power over me, by resisting or withholding. But I choose whether or not I take the bait. I choose not to.</p><p>I would hate to have this concept because we would never be free.</p><p>Exactly.</p><p></p><p></p><p>In prison people cannot remove themselves from harassment. They are stuck dealing with it. Only a few people are strong enough to fight everybody, but some do this. Others have to find mental or behavioral ways to respond to conflict or to maltreatment. And they do.</p><p></p><p>I recall a prisoner I liked very much who was in a group I gave. It was Anger Management. He said that when he got angry, felt belittled or hurt or even de-humanized by somebody, he reminded himself that if he had had the life that person had had, in every particular, he would see things like they did, and behave as they did. This way he could let it go. (I admired his process; I didn't necessarily agree with the reasoning; but it worked for him. He could find empathy but most of all he could let go the bad feelings of being angry, victimized, targeted, etc. that would propel him to act out (and either hurt himself or get in trouble.)</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 742489, member: 18958"] I would do anything to stop those envelopes from coming. [LEFT][COLOR=rgb(20, 20, 20)][/COLOR][/LEFT] I would change my address. I would write to the prison and put a block on his mail, so as to not receive mail from him. (It is frequent that prisoners harass their victims. There is a mechanism to stop this. It is not hard.) I feel guilt about putting up a strong boundary with my son. He chooses to not understand or take responsibility for what were his responsibilities, that he committed to. To him, it was I wanted more money; or I wouldn't support him enough organizing his money. It is always what more I could do. And never about him. The reason for this detour is I wonder if you would feel bad that you might hurt his feelings, to stop son's ability to send mail to you. You see. I would. And it would be wrong. Our sons, not us, are responsible for what they do and do not do and responsible to figure out that it is wrong and there are consequences. Right now I am sad because my son has not responded to either texts or a phone call. I guess he will not meet me on Saturday to try to work things out. I wonder, too, if he is trying to hurt me. I need to not go there and stay centered in myself. I have a much fuller life than he. In fact, he is a drain and a worry, and not choosing to be much of a joy right now. But other people are a joy. There is joy. I may not be able to control my feelings in my sleep but I sure can during the day if I do things for me, that I enjoy. By calling my son last week I opened back up the dynamic that he can have power over me, by resisting or withholding. But I choose whether or not I take the bait. I choose not to. I would hate to have this concept because we would never be free. Exactly. In prison people cannot remove themselves from harassment. They are stuck dealing with it. Only a few people are strong enough to fight everybody, but some do this. Others have to find mental or behavioral ways to respond to conflict or to maltreatment. And they do. I recall a prisoner I liked very much who was in a group I gave. It was Anger Management. He said that when he got angry, felt belittled or hurt or even de-humanized by somebody, he reminded himself that if he had had the life that person had had, in every particular, he would see things like they did, and behave as they did. This way he could let it go. (I admired his process; I didn't necessarily agree with the reasoning; but it worked for him. He could find empathy but most of all he could let go the bad feelings of being angry, victimized, targeted, etc. that would propel him to act out (and either hurt himself or get in trouble.) [/QUOTE]
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Can you forgive him forever?
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