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<blockquote data-quote="cocomad" data-source="post: 761433" data-attributes="member: 28139"><p>My son A is 37, married in Jan 2021 and is expecting his first child in Mar 2022. In September, my husband and I offered to help he & his wife with the remodel of their bathroom and change doorways, configuring the water heater & moving washer & dryer to the garage of the ranch style house.( to get the home ready for the baby)</p><p>My husband goes over there and they work together for about 7 days then the explosion happens. Our son begins yelling about all his issues with his father as I was not there I am not sure of all the nasty accusations. His wife was there that day and being pregnant was very upset. My son is furious and has not spoken or texted since. About a week after the incident, I wrote both my son & wife an apology text saying how sorry I was, I was the one who offered to get hubby over there. I know they could do it but my son is in school with 16 units till he graduates with BS & wife works as a nurse. Not sure if this was meddling in their business or being a helpful parent. Hopefully the storm will pass</p><p>No Thanksgiving visit but a text with a sonagram picture. I wrote a text "Hey, have not heard from you in a while. Is everything ok?" He called me and began raging saying his dad is not to come to his house and wants no contact with him. He said he was through feeling anxious around him, listening to him use the "father" card (always being right) and condescending. He raged on for an hour saying he was abused by him, kicked like a dog up the stairs, hurtful things.</p><p></p><p>September, prior to the "remodel" all this we got a call from our younger son B is an addict living on the streets. He came to our house 8 years ago and said he had a problem. Tried to get off drugs & back on the right path. Relapse, jail, doing ok working, Then once off probation doing drugs. He was asked to leave our house when he relapsed and have not heard from him in 1.5 years. We found where he was and tried to get his trust to get him some help....really sad the way this disease takes over.</p><p></p><p>Son A says some really horrid accusations to me. Son B is the way he is because of his dad treatment of him. All dad ever cared about was $ never about them. </p><p>I talked to my husband after the call. He says (A) needs to grow up, is upset because he has been wasting his time jumping around from one profession to another. He has no job, wife working, baby on the way, brother so ill. Running late & stressed out about responsibilities. </p><p></p><p>Son A ghosted us about 10 years ago after a fight we had ....he was 4th year collage not enough units to graduate...said we paid for 4 years you can finish the rest...he dropped out then made no contact for 4 years. He also said he doesn't have enough time to get help(therapy) with all the things he has to do especially after all his angst is from his dad </p><p>This situation is deeply troubling. I encouraged my husband to get some help....he says he doesn't need to change. </p><p>For me...I have been to Nar-Anon online since Sept , doing Coda online and got a counselor to help me live with this. </p><p>No Christmas gathering, guess I have to drop off the presents I got them. It's hard to be happy but I'm trying.... </p><p>Cloud over the house again. Thanks for reading</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="cocomad, post: 761433, member: 28139"] My son A is 37, married in Jan 2021 and is expecting his first child in Mar 2022. In September, my husband and I offered to help he & his wife with the remodel of their bathroom and change doorways, configuring the water heater & moving washer & dryer to the garage of the ranch style house.( to get the home ready for the baby) My husband goes over there and they work together for about 7 days then the explosion happens. Our son begins yelling about all his issues with his father as I was not there I am not sure of all the nasty accusations. His wife was there that day and being pregnant was very upset. My son is furious and has not spoken or texted since. About a week after the incident, I wrote both my son & wife an apology text saying how sorry I was, I was the one who offered to get hubby over there. I know they could do it but my son is in school with 16 units till he graduates with BS & wife works as a nurse. Not sure if this was meddling in their business or being a helpful parent. Hopefully the storm will pass No Thanksgiving visit but a text with a sonagram picture. I wrote a text "Hey, have not heard from you in a while. Is everything ok?" He called me and began raging saying his dad is not to come to his house and wants no contact with him. He said he was through feeling anxious around him, listening to him use the "father" card (always being right) and condescending. He raged on for an hour saying he was abused by him, kicked like a dog up the stairs, hurtful things. September, prior to the "remodel" all this we got a call from our younger son B is an addict living on the streets. He came to our house 8 years ago and said he had a problem. Tried to get off drugs & back on the right path. Relapse, jail, doing ok working, Then once off probation doing drugs. He was asked to leave our house when he relapsed and have not heard from him in 1.5 years. We found where he was and tried to get his trust to get him some help....really sad the way this disease takes over. Son A says some really horrid accusations to me. Son B is the way he is because of his dad treatment of him. All dad ever cared about was $ never about them. I talked to my husband after the call. He says (A) needs to grow up, is upset because he has been wasting his time jumping around from one profession to another. He has no job, wife working, baby on the way, brother so ill. Running late & stressed out about responsibilities. Son A ghosted us about 10 years ago after a fight we had ....he was 4th year collage not enough units to graduate...said we paid for 4 years you can finish the rest...he dropped out then made no contact for 4 years. He also said he doesn't have enough time to get help(therapy) with all the things he has to do especially after all his angst is from his dad This situation is deeply troubling. I encouraged my husband to get some help....he says he doesn't need to change. For me...I have been to Nar-Anon online since Sept , doing Coda online and got a counselor to help me live with this. No Christmas gathering, guess I have to drop off the presents I got them. It's hard to be happy but I'm trying.... Cloud over the house again. Thanks for reading . [/QUOTE]
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