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<blockquote data-quote="RN0441" data-source="post: 759158" data-attributes="member: 15032"><p>Wash, rinse, repeat.</p><p></p><p>I'm so sorry that you are having to deal with his bad choices once again. This is so typical of what we go through with these boys though when they are not ready to really make a change.</p><p></p><p>I would definitely tell him to leave in January. If he can stay sober and work and do what he is supposed to then he can live with you but otherwise not happening. We sent our son away at 20 and that was the best decision we ever made for us and for him. My son did not straighten up for a few more years after that sadly. I really thought we may end up burying him because he was not interested in doing the right thing yet wanted to be with his "family". Nope. </p><p></p><p>My good friend did not get tough with her son and his prolonged drugging led to heroin use and when he finally did get sober for 9 months, he used and died from an overdose. I then knew that my tough stance was the right thing to do.</p><p></p><p>However this puts you in the position of being an FBI agent. It's crazy the lengths I'd go to to figure out what my son was doing and it was exhausting and it did not help him. I did not have two younger children to care for though or I could not have done it. It took over my every thought and my life.</p><p></p><p>When I was really done enabling my son I knew it. You will know it too. No one will need to tell you because it will just be a strong feeling. We all have to get there in our own time. I just wanted him to "go away" at that point. I did not like him. Your son obviously thinks that you are supposed to be okay with the fact that he tried to get drugs but didn't. He has had enough chances and I fear that he will think that he can do as he wishes while he is in your home. Our son would do SO good for months and then start up again. I'd get my hopes up and then he'd crush my heart again and again. We were truly his victims for many years.</p><p></p><p>I know you don't want your husband to know this about your son but that probably isn't wise. If you give him this one pass I would let him know that you are watching his every move and that next time you will tell your husband. If you stay quiet your son could see that as condoning his behavior or that you're on his "side". I would not let him come between your marriage. It is not going to help your son if you do that, but only put you in a horrible situation.</p><p></p><p>Stay strong with whatever your decision is. You have us here for support.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="RN0441, post: 759158, member: 15032"] Wash, rinse, repeat. I'm so sorry that you are having to deal with his bad choices once again. This is so typical of what we go through with these boys though when they are not ready to really make a change. I would definitely tell him to leave in January. If he can stay sober and work and do what he is supposed to then he can live with you but otherwise not happening. We sent our son away at 20 and that was the best decision we ever made for us and for him. My son did not straighten up for a few more years after that sadly. I really thought we may end up burying him because he was not interested in doing the right thing yet wanted to be with his "family". Nope. My good friend did not get tough with her son and his prolonged drugging led to heroin use and when he finally did get sober for 9 months, he used and died from an overdose. I then knew that my tough stance was the right thing to do. However this puts you in the position of being an FBI agent. It's crazy the lengths I'd go to to figure out what my son was doing and it was exhausting and it did not help him. I did not have two younger children to care for though or I could not have done it. It took over my every thought and my life. When I was really done enabling my son I knew it. You will know it too. No one will need to tell you because it will just be a strong feeling. We all have to get there in our own time. I just wanted him to "go away" at that point. I did not like him. Your son obviously thinks that you are supposed to be okay with the fact that he tried to get drugs but didn't. He has had enough chances and I fear that he will think that he can do as he wishes while he is in your home. Our son would do SO good for months and then start up again. I'd get my hopes up and then he'd crush my heart again and again. We were truly his victims for many years. I know you don't want your husband to know this about your son but that probably isn't wise. If you give him this one pass I would let him know that you are watching his every move and that next time you will tell your husband. If you stay quiet your son could see that as condoning his behavior or that you're on his "side". I would not let him come between your marriage. It is not going to help your son if you do that, but only put you in a horrible situation. Stay strong with whatever your decision is. You have us here for support. [/QUOTE]
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