Custody evaluation was not the nightmare it sounds like.
OK... Best advice here? LISTEN to your kids. If they act like something's wrong or weird... Or SAY anything... Listen. That is the BEST thing you can do for them. Even if they lie - Onyxx lied for attention.
As for the evaluation. We did psychological, psychologist basically said BM and husband were severe narcissists, I was a doormat and Jett was "retarded" (I kid you not, this was in her report), but that husband was possibly a better choice (this is the woman who, when our lawyer read her report, he said - WOW - GLOWING recommendation - apparently she doesn't like dads having their kids). Child advocate leaned HEAVILY toward husband having custody "if conflict continues" - said BM was creating drama and it was hurting the kids. Judge ignored this. ONE MONTH LATER, the kids' half sister died (age 7 months); coroner reported "asphyxiation due to co sleeping with an adult". So we mustered resources and tried again. Somehow got the same child advocate from the county (I think she may have requested the case, not sure) and a GAL who was extremely abrasive... To husband and I, until he started going through the 2" binder full of documentation we provided... Child advocate said husband needed custody, GAL said same - because BM's documentation proved husband's points (as did ours), living conditions/schools much better with us, child death was very suspicious, etc. etc. etc. ...And husband got residential, still shared parenting. One more year, and guess what? Found out BM's boyfriend was molesting Onyxx. It took 6 1/2 years of being in the trenches, documenting right and left, her getting protective order after protective order (and in some cases, just trying), that were all ultimately thrown out because as one magistrate (in a different county) put it, she "seemed to have a serious problem determining the truth and staying with one story"... Both the kids being abused, not just physically (actually the emotional abuse is much worse, especially after BM told Onyxx she was a liar and married the man who hurt her daughter). husband has lost a lot of time with both kids because of the games that have been played - and the judge blew it off and said BM was upset because husband was behind in child support (about $300 at the time; she's more than $2K behind now, but we do not play these games). The judge actually jailed husband for 3 days last summer - and when the order came out, it was because Jett had visited BM on Mother's Day. (HUH?) He went so far as to sentence him to 60 more days, suspended, for not FORCING Onyxx to visit BM. Um - kid is 15 (was 14 then), and is as big as I am - FORCE her? I think not. That's DV. Especially as violent as this kid gets.
Fact is - the custody evaluation wasn't too bad. Getting the judge to listen to his own experts was the hard part. And it took that long, the death of an infant and sexual abuse, to get the kids to a safe environment. And we're going back to court in 2 weeks because BM is complaining she missed ONE VISIT with Jett, and she wants husband in JAIL for it. (She filed a contempt 3 weeks after the visit in question was made up... And we successfully filed a complaint and got a visiting judge - who as it turns out has a history of not putting up with a lot of koi from any parent.)
After I've said all this... IT'S WORTH IT FOR YOUR KIDS!!!
