Desperate Mom

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by BeBy, Jul 11, 2017.

  1. BeBy

    BeBy New Member

    I'm a mom to 2 boys and 1 stepdaughter. I've been in her life since she was 2, she's now 14. She has been living full time with us for 3 years, with no contact from her mom. Her mom is an addict and chooses to be out of the picture. She has always been "mean" to me, but it was okay when she was only here every other weekend. Through these past 3 years, I've taken her to 4 different therapist. 1 said she has borderline personality disorder, 1 said depression, 1 said ADHD and the other 1, she didn't see but 2 times. Last year she tried to burn our house down. She cried and said it was an accident. Even though she was 13 and knew better, my husband believed her. From this point on I never let her be here alone! This past school year is when her "problems" started to show at school and he could no longer turn a blind eye to it (he works on the road). Stealing and constant lying and when confronted all she does is cry. Anytime she wouldn't get her way she would threaten to kill herself. Finally, in May, she made an accusation against 1 of her male teachers. The police had to be called by the Principal, he had no choice. After reviewing the tapes and interviews, she admitted she had lied about it. At that point, she threaten to kill herself again, so my husband had her committed to a State Hospital. Her main Doctor diagnosed her with Manic Depression and has put her on Celexa. During the 4th of July weekend, she had an overnight pass. We went to our Towns festival. We only lasted an hour before she started drama and made a scene. Being fed up I grabbed our 7 year old son and left! I went to 1 more therapy session last week with her, even though I'm so over this. She was pissy the whole time!

    After she left the session, the Dr. told us to be prepared to pick her up in a 48 hour notice, as our insurance is no longer willing to pay for in treatment. My husband agrees that it isn't safe for her to come home, yet. We have 2 other children, work and she needs to be watched 24/7. What are people like us suppose to do?! We can't afford to send her to a girls home and don't qualify for Medicaid. How can an insurance person say she needs to be released when the Doctor says she doesn't? This is what's wrong with our society. Mental Health is just pushed to the side! I'm terrified she will hurt herself, someone else or burn our house down. It isn't much, but it's ours! Since she has been gone, it has been so peaceful here.

    Sorry, for such a long post. This is the 1st time sharing my story...with anyone! Thank you for reading and any advice is appreciated.
  2. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    If you are in the United States check into SED waiver. It's possible she can qualify for medical card based on her emotional and behavioral needs and not your income. The SED waiver can be a secondary policy to your regular health insurance.

    The SED waiver also covers the cost of a case manager and respite care for some children and the co-pays that you normally be paying on your regular insurance.


    Just google the sate you are in and SED waiver. The local mental health facility should be able to help with the process.
  3. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    I have gone into detail about my horrible experience so many times I dont feel I can do it again. Your step probably had chaos and neglect in her early years, which left her unable to care about other people. It is most common in older adopted kids but happens with any kid who had nobody stable to bond with in infancy to age three. This diagnosis is not that well known and often misdiagnosed. Bipolar people are not dangerous in this way. I am guessing the doctors, like OUR doctors, missed the boat completely. Celexa doesnt help bipolar anyway... but keep an open mind that psychiatry is not an exact science and often people are misdiadnosed.

    Here is what I suggest.

    1. Put ATTACHMENT DISORDER in your preferred search engine. Read EVERYTHING that pops up. The fire starting is a big clue. These kids also tend to pee/poop in inappropriate places and are often cruel to animals, often only in private. Sometimes theyact like tjey love animals in front of us, then torture or kill them in private. Many act out sexually in various ways too and act out on younger kids. You have younger kids.

    2. Think about whether she is safe in your house to the younger kids. It sounds like she may not be. Call CPS if you have to for out of home options like foster care and maybe residential treatment on their dime. They helped us with this. They could be your only option. Use them.

    3. Never leave her alone with younger kids or in house alone. Ever. Lock younger kid"s doors at night every night so she has no access to them when you are sleeping.

    Doing nothing or band-aid solutions should not be sn option. This is deep seated and dangerous...the child starts to have no conscience toward others due to early neglect or abuse. They can act like sociopaths and you have younger kids. She could molest them or harm them in other ways.

    Im so sorry. We adopted a boy who behaved much like your daughter. He had to leave. He was molesting our younger kids and other things. Girls are more apt to cry fslse sbuse charges on men like your husband. You could lose all your kids while they investigate. Hub could end up in jail even if he didnt do it. Beware. Chaos surrounds these people.

    I know this is so painful. Please please save yourself and younger kids. If necessary leave with younger kids and any pets until this child is somewhere else. Its too risky to let her be with the kids. Oh, yeah. Unattached kids are great liars and great actors and can be very charming to people not living in the house. Very convincing in their lies.

    Take care please!
    Last edited: Jul 12, 2017
  4. BeBy

    BeBy New Member

    I thought at 1st, she was suffering from abandonment (from her mom), but it's so much more. Her mom was actually a really good mom up until about 4 yrs ago. Pain pills for a surgery lead her to oxy and so on. Her mom use to tell us things about my step when she lived with her, which we didn't see when she was here every other weekend. Of course, step would say her mom is lying. If I ever see her again, I owe her an apology!

    Step doesn't seem to have any empathy for others. I'm not an easy person to intimidate and she knows I use to kickbox, so she has never attempted to come at me (physically), but no doubt in my mind she would do something to my little to get at me. We've had him sleeping in our room ever since she caught her room on fire. She is a danger to our safety.

    So, I can call CPS and tell them our story and someone there will help us? We live in a small county in TX, when I called the Human & Health Services, they said since we don't qualify to call MHMR. I called and they told me they don't take private insurance. I'm going to research a SED waiver. Thank you both for your response!

    I've already made up my mind and informed my husband, if she comes back here I will call the cops on her. No more sweeping it under the rug!
  5. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    Call CPS, tell them about the fire, and that you are worried about your little. They will likely do something. It may be removing her from the house. May not be that drastic. The police will call CPS so when you call the police on a minor, you get CPS. It has to be reported to CPS by the police.

    She has already shown that she will lie about sexual abuse of a man...your husband is in a bad place with her there. If she gets mad at him she can pull it on him too.CPS takes sexual abuse allegations VERY seriously. Lives can be ruined.

    Step does not sound like a normal kid with normal teenage problems. Please keep everyone safe.
  6. BeBy

    BeBy New Member

    That is 1 of my biggest fears! I also have a 20 year old. He works on the railroad, so he isn't here everynight, usually just once a week. I ordered cameras to have installed in our home. My other fear, about CPS, could they make me take our little and leave? The only place we would have to go to is 2 hours away. I work at his school and don't want either 1 of us to have to leave it.
  7. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    In TX they have several waivers... I read, and it looks like many have a waiting list. But get on at 13 you have 5 more years...

  8. BeBy

    BeBy New Member

    I was reading about a YES waiver. I'm going to start calling in the morning.