Devine Interverion

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Littleboylost, Nov 20, 2017.

  1. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    what a 24 hours oh my my.

    First I was 100% correct my sons lawyer has wings. I am certain of it. She called me this morning and I told her about cop mom. She dropped a few F Bombs (shocking very out of character). She said shut that nut case down and keep her away from E.

    I was suspicious she was putting over sons case until the drug detox was over. And I was right. She met and spoke with him today. Explained she was happy to let him plea and informed him the Crown is asking for PRISON time. Mandatory minimum on all open counts 4 years. The best she would do is ask for 2 and most likely get 3. This would mean he would go to a Federal Penitentiary not a provincial correctional jail.

    She had a major intervention with him. Explained that bail was a non issue why bother. Better get comfy because it would only get worse from here....unless...and it would be a long shot...she could convince the Crown to hear his plea for rehab and stay his charges until after rehab.....have I told you this woman is an Angel :angel: she explained he would have to have strong parental support behind him for this to fly.

    To this son wept and wept came clean about all the details of the theft and that we haven’t been to visit him. Knows he has a drug problem and is scared to death of a long haul in Prison. She left him called me filled me in while letting him stew in his own juices for a bit.

    We will have to house him on house arrest until his rehab bed is available. I am working on this furiously. However his long term rehab application remained open for another week and as long as he is not in jail we can move forward. The intake coordinator is off sight today. Ghaa! If that is not a go it is Teen Challenge.

    She told me we could clear him in court today but suggested we follow through with a bit more thinking time for him. I agreed so we are going to see him this evening. We will assess his sincerity for rehab and if all goes well we will be at court Wednesday receiving house arrest orders and prepping for long term inpatient rehab.

    Once the deal is struck there is no going back. If he leaves rehab he goes straight to remand and goes to prison for his full sentence.

    He can finish high school in rehab and get on a good path.

    To have a public defender this dedicated and a crown willing to participate in the intervention is truly amazing. It is a Devine Intervention!

    The Crown told the lawyer “I see these parents, this kid hads a fighting chance, he is one of the lucky ones”.
    The Crown could have taken the easy route and asked for probation and turfed the kid and moved on. They played their cards right. The punishment had to be the worst option.
    Now he has to go to rehab and he has to stay. Or

    He will still be a slippery fish on house arrest and if I have to hire security to manage him I will. There will be zero tolerance for any disrespect or back talk. He will Do his time waiting and processing for rehab respectfully or it won’t happen.

    There is a good chance after Rehab that his charges will be dismissed. He will never know that. He thinks he will get some form of probation.
    And the rehab journey begins. I am sooo tired. :confused:.
    • Winner Winner x 7
    • Optimistic Optimistic x 1
    • List
  2. Sam3

    Sam3 Active Member

    What a blessing.

    I’m tearing up just thinking about what it must feel like to have someone join your team of two, with real power to get him into treatment

    I’m thrilled for your family
  3. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    My brother had a similar thing happen for him. It wasn't with a public defender though. And his rehab cost my parents a pretty penny. It was worth it though. My brother had multiple felonies that would stay with him for life if he messed up. If he went through rehab and stayed clean for 5 years with no problems with the law, he could have his record expunge. That would mean he would get his record clean as though the felonies never happened. He would get his civil rights back. It was a big deal.

    I hope your son is willing to do what he needs to do. I hope they don't give him chance after chance. Be tough on him. Don't let him have access to every area of the house. Put locks on doors if you need to. Don't be afraid to let him know he hurt you. He did. He needs to work hard to earn trust and to earn this chance he has been given. He will think he can abracadabra his way through this opportunity, but you need to be hard on him and not take him at his word. Make him prove everything he tells you.

    I wish you the best of luck with this. I really hope he is terrified and that he understands what a gift he is being offered.

    • Like Like x 2
    • Winner Winner x 1
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
    • List
  4. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Yes yes yes. This is no Welcome home! We have an agreement in place any breech and he goes to prison for his full term no breaks. He has agreed to all the conditions. Heard from his lawyer at 6:35 the deal is all good.

    We will be in court on Wednesday to be before the Judge. He is on lock down he is not home and he knows it. If he dares to push the boundaries he knows. I have called the police on him twice and pulled his bail bond once in 6 months. I will not hesitate to do it again!
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • Winner Winner x 1
    • List
  5. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Wow, what a turn of events! Your son is one lucky son-of-a-gun! I hope someday he really gets how much you've done for him, how much you love him.

    You've been a remarkable force of nature LBL, if we had a Parent Academy Award here on the forum, you would get it......

    I'm sending big hugs for you.......

    Once your son leaves on his Rehab adventure, my heartfelt suggestion is for you and your husband to take a little vacation, just the two of you, to rest, relax and have some FUN. OMG, you sure deserve a break.
    • Agree Agree x 2
    • Winner Winner x 2
    • List
  6. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Wow, just wow. Now, I hope your son will be true to the agreement. Please guard your heart and continue to build your toolbox. I am hoping that this stint in jail will scare the bejabbers out of him and set him on the straight and narrow.
    I agree.

    Me too.

    • Agree Agree x 1
    • Winner Winner x 1
    • List
  7. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    lbl. i am just seeing this. i am thrilled!

    my gosh. what a happy day! you have the courage, heart and strength of a lioness. how is your husband doing? how is he with the plan?

    what about when you are at work? do you think you need somebody there with him?
  8. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    So TBH we have a trip booked. In December and we certainly are not saying a word about it to son.

    Copa good question. He will NOT be left alone no way! If I have to hire security I will. I have reached to 2 Friends. Once has been in jail and the other has had 2 sons who have been in jail and are RAs. They will help where they can and I am praying a bed is available sooner than later.

    Honestly Leafy and all. I think the more he detoxes the more frightened he is. And as bad as I feel that he is in jail for 2 more days. I need the time to adjust to having him home on House arrest. This is not Welcome home by any means.
    He will not be allowed out
    No smoking
    No drugs
    No attitude be respectful of this is not going to work.
    No phone
    No visitors
    No internet
    Has to turn over all the money he has left (we know where he opened his bank account, they really aren’t too bright). Mandatory daily, yes daily drug testing.
    This is not a long term sustainable model.
    If we can not get him into a bed in the next 2 weeks we are putting him into a 30 day program while we wait for the long term bed. That will be costly as it will be a private pay. I am hopeful so hopeful he will get a bed in long term rehab soon.
  9. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Copa I forgot husband is on board and it is the first time he has suggested he needs to be in court bs me suggesting or demanding it.

    We are both on high alert we know this is all up to him now. Now safety nets left in this circus act. No shine left for the Abracadabra.

    I have never been around someone who is freshly detoxed and I am a little concerned about that. I am looking for support. Nor have we been with anyone who has suffered the trauma of incarceration. We have friends who do guide us through that.

    My fear is his anger, he better be able to keep it in check as I am sure he resents and blames us still.
  10. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Leafy if he does not comply he is looking at non negotiable jail time. I do hope that is enough to scare him.

    I do wish I was a fly on the wall in the holding cells when his lawyer told him no chance of probation only jail time. He must have pooped his drawers. Cop mom probably filled his head with BS and he felt he was going to walk with a slap on the wrist and probation. All be it with a criminal record. The addict only wants out.
    She let him chew on that morsel for a bit before enacting the intervention and proposing rehab, Crown (our version of DA saying parents had to support it). This is where she said he really broke down. He felt there was no way we would come through. She let him dwell on the why of that fact and impressed upon him how fortunate he was to have two loving parents.

    He was in the first wagon over to the holding cells at the court and in the last wagon out. They are in the basement cold, damp no windows. Over crowded, you get pulled out and chained to a metal desk in a separate room when you have to speak with your lawyer. He wasn’t even on the court docket today. His chances of getting a spot in the courts even if he chose to plea was probably slim to none.

    It makes me sad this this is what it takes to wake this boy up! It is what it is and this too shall pass.

    I thanked his lawyer for being so invested in our Son and said we were meeting with him prior to court on Wed. To ensure he understands our position. She sent another message tonight. How amazing is she! She said;

    “Perfect. He is ready to do rehab. He will abide by all your conditions. Stay strong my friend I am here for you and E. Let’s get him better so you can have your little E back.”

    No nonsense deal, no fluffy oopsie I did it again is waiting for him this time. And he knows it.

    It perplexes me so that they can be so hijacked by the drugs. I can honestly say I will never understand it. It is our reality yet is is a horror beyond Stephen Kings imagination.
    • Agree Agree x 2
    • Winner Winner x 1
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
    • List
  11. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    look. i worked prisons over 25 years. thousands of mostly men. 8 prisons.

    you can do this.

    but you must remember. this may not be it. every day i would try to factor in the possibility this could go haywire again.

    there is a great freedom that can come from this way of living on the cusp. call it what you want. freedom. eternity.

    e has learned a great deal in his short life.

    what i am trying to say is that there is no result here that is in your control. just each volley as it comes at you. and the infinite grace that comes from being present and in touch with your great love and responsibility. not for e specifically. but to do the best you can. to do right as a human being and a mother. because that is who you are. who you choose to be.

    we cannot be attached to any one result. because we live in the great unknown. e will do what he does. he is a good boy. he will be a good man. but the road will be his. as ours are ours.

    good, good job.

    i keep thinking of the prayer. if i die before i wake...because i am intensely aware of my own mortality lately. i do not take living for granted. because i am way closer to the end than the beginning. that's part of it.

    but i believe all of us as we live are a heartbeat away from eternity. you have an opportunity now to turn your focus to you. and e has the great gift of becoming who he is meant to be. the person.
    Last edited: Nov 20, 2017
  12. Sam3

    Sam3 Active Member

    Fuel for your soul.

    My son has been working a little for a friend’s parents — who have a dog walking business. The mom sent me a picture today of him, surrounded by dogs, looking happy playing with them.

    She is a minor angel. When he showed up at “work” without sleep, still twisted on Xanax and with a bleeding lip from the night of horror, she made him eat, shower and let him sleep all day.

    She called me to ask what I thought would be best for him next. She sympthized and said I was doing a good job making all these hard decisions to get him better. She said how hard this must be for us. She says she hopes my son will overcome this.

    I thanked her for her kindness to my son

    I didn’t say this but I know she could have fired him on the spot. And maybe that would be another thing that helped him to bottom out. But This job is his first. He’s finally getting to feel what it means to have someone rely on you. He’s having the unconditional love of dogs. His boss is wise to his issues and wants him to succeed.

    So far, it has been abling, not enabling, support. And for that I am grateful.
    • Winner Winner x 2
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
    • Optimistic Optimistic x 1
    • List
    Last edited: Nov 20, 2017
  13. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    sam. this lady sounds like a good person. everything she told you is true. i love that son is with dogs. this is a very good developmemt i think. i love the picture. him happy. the dogs happy.

    this is very like lbl's son. that others see their hearts. their worth. my son is like this too. an inner sweetness that was calloused over.

    sam. where is he living, your son?
    • Winner Winner x 1
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
    • List
    Last edited: Nov 21, 2017
  14. Sam3

    Sam3 Active Member

    He is in an Airbnb studio within walking distance of that job. For now.

    He’s working with his old inpatient therapist and house manager who started a kind of sober life coaching gig.

    More permanent housing will be conditioned on abstaining from hard drugs, reduced use of pot/alcohol, and some level of productivity, to begin with, which they will verify. They are going to help him set goals etc.

    Which is something. He had been loudly and consistently denouncing his treatment experience, and nearly all the professionals associated with it.

    It feels like the right thing to do, right now.
    • Winner Winner x 2
    • Optimistic Optimistic x 1
    • List
  15. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Oh Sam this is completely abling. That is a vision that makes my soul feel so good.

    I learned something about bottom today. I know we all say they must reach there bottom. And I have said before my sons bottom has a basement and he likes to dwell there.

    Today what I heard from his lawyer was that he reached a breaking point. It was his emotional bottom that he hit. Not mental or physical. But emotional. Zap Pow epiphany. It was not really anything he has not been through before. But to know his way out was to have family and we were not there and he felt we would never be again suddenly the flood gates opened. He saw with his spiritual eye the damage he had done and owned it. Drug free and owned it.

    Will it hold who knows. When I read stories and the RA says what turned them around many say something different. I was so tired, it was how the woman looked at me when she gave me the blanket. Often the same simple or traumatic gestures that have happened time and time again.

    Different each time for each one. That’s is why where their is life there is hope. To love and detach. To not enable. To understand the difference between abling and loving vs enabling. Each step brings them to a realization one day at a time.

    We only hope we do not lose them in the process.

    How brave that woman is to stare in that face of addiction and see through it, see what you see, see what we all see when we look at our AC.

    It is that spiritual and emotional bottom I believe that this is what turns them around.

    Putting all the positive energy out to the universe, may your son find his way. May all of our AC find their way.

    We make a difference each day, each action one by one Saving our little starfish that others simply see as hopeless trapped creatures.
    starfish printable stoey - Google Search:
    • Winner Winner x 3
    • Optimistic Optimistic x 1
    • List
    Last edited: Nov 20, 2017
  16. Sam3

    Sam3 Active Member

    I wanted to give your comment the rainbow, heart, check, thumbs up, ... the Lucky Charms of ratings

    The wise people here seem to know that the kids are where they are, and need what they need. I think these little higher power moments, we need to stay in it — to give them the best chance to win it, if and when they want to.
    • Winner Winner x 1
    • Optimistic Optimistic x 1
    • List
    Last edited: Nov 20, 2017
  17. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Sam I found this it is more apropos

    .."On a point of land, I found the star thrower...I spoke once briefly. "I understand," I said. "Call me another thrower." Only then I allowed myself to think, He is not alone any longer. After us, there will be others...Perhaps far outward on the rim of space a genuine star was similarly seized and flung...For a moment, we cast on an infinite beach together beside an unknown hurler of suns... We had lost our way, I thought, but we had kept, some of us, the memory of the perfect circle of compassion from life to death and back to life again." (The Star Thrower, p.181)

    We are starthrowes! Sometimes we come across a few who know and understand our secret and they join us, they are star throwers too, your friend, my sons lawyer, so many more.
    Last edited: Nov 20, 2017
  18. Albatross

    Albatross Well-Known Member

    He is one lucky young man to have been given this chance! I'm hoping he remembers this and turns it around.
  19. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    we are traveling today and i cannot post at length.

    sam. these are very, very good developments with your son. he is trying.

    lbl. starthrowers. yes

    be well. i did not know until recently that the human body has stardust as a component.
    • Optimistic Optimistic x 1
    • List
    Last edited: Nov 21, 2017
  20. ColleenB

    ColleenB Active Member

    Wow.... just wow!

    I am so glad this turn of events has brought you here and your son to his own epiphany that he needs to change or suffer the natural consequences .

    You have been so so strong and brave and because of that you have given your son the chance to change and to heal.

    You need to do some self care once he is in rehab, and make sure that you find some way to heal also. I cant imagine how you must be feeling with so much happening and the urgency of the situation.

    I will say it again.... wow!
    • Friendly Friendly x 2
    • Like Like x 1
    • Winner Winner x 1
    • List