Did I speak too soon?

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Dsmom, Feb 14, 2019.

  1. Dsmom

    Dsmom New Member

    As I posted before, my 43 year old homeless son will be coming back to California within a few days. He has 3 wolf dogs. He has a place to go to...with one dog. Our texted conversation yesterday:
    D: What are the chances of you adopting Boo, she’s super sweet good dog and deserves a good home with comforts. Which is something I will never have for her. I can accept myself never having those things. Gonna give Keshwolf to Rindo. I hopefully can keep Little by my side.
    Me: let me talk to J. I would do it with the understanding that once you have home she can home to you. She will miss you terribly. How would she be with Emma? (My 15 yr old cat)
    Me: Emma is an old arthritic girl who has never been around dogs.
    D: she has owned her own cats. You just gotta tell her to leave the cat alone. I know she will miss me. I’m crying just thinking about it. I just don’t stand a chance with three dogs. Little has the chance to be the best dog I ever had. Boo can’t go on hikes with me anymore, not far enough for me to walk anywhere. And Kesh is too dog aggressive, so I must say my options are pretty limited. Makes me feel like a complete failure for even thinking about it.
    Me: Remember for yourself: 99% of what happens to you is attitude. Dan/family gave you somewhere to be when you had nothing; friends are coming to get you; friend is offering place for you to start over. You are blessed because of your heart. I know from your place it can look bleak...but is your glass half empty or half full?
    Me: Try to be excited and positive about this opportunity you have...it truly is contagious.
    Me: no, son...not a failure. It is reality. And I am glad you are taking this opportunity to reflect and hone in on your options. At this particular point in time, three dogs are not feasible for you. It is a harsh lesson, but again it is reality. You will make this succeed. I have no doubt. I am sending hugs.
    D: Mom when you can’t take care of the ones you love, can’t keep your family together it is a failure.
    Me: Only if you want to see it that way. Actually I think it is the most positive action you have taken in a while. You fully recognize your limitations and are attempting to do something about it. Glass HALF FULL, son. HALF FULL
    D: At this point I accept the failure that has been my life. I so hope Peter (his 9/yr old son who’s other grandma has custody of...D hasn’t seen him for 6 years.) gets a better run at life, at least he won’t have to aim high to surpasse me.
    D: A son wasn’t feasible for me either, and I’m not giving up all my dogs. They are the only reason I haven’t checked out of this life already. I’m keeping Little. He’s my rock at the moment. Kesh knows Rondo. It will be a rough life for him but it always has been. He will be a good guard dog for my “brother “. (Rondo lives on an Indian reservation.) I only bred Kesh to keep the bloodline alive. He exceeded my expectations with Little. Little I will keep in hopes that one day Peter will know Shadows bloodline., as these dogs are the best thing I have had in this life. (He has this bloodline of wolves since the late ‘90s.)
    Me: You and Regina were not feasible with the mixture of drugs and alcohol. You can, and I know you will, succeed. You are right that three dogs are not feasible right now. I appreciate you wanting her to come here. We will make it work somehow. But I still need to talk to J about it. He is in precarious health right now. Buck up, son. You can do this...
    D: There are many people who would take Boo, but I really want her to go to someone I will maintain a relationship with just so I stand a chance of seeing her again.
    Me: I was just looking online and there is a program called Crossroads specifically for Sadi/ssi recipients. If you are serious, they will assist you in finding work and housing. They are in all northern CA counties. Something to keep in mind. You might surprise yourself. :). You can do this.

    Later, after I had talked to husband ( who really is not happy with this) I also spoke with my boss ( I work two hours a day at a veterinarian...I am bookkeeper), who said it would be fine for me to bring Boo with me to work. I explained that to D...but I have heard no more from him.

    Thoughts, please, would be welcomed....
     
  2. beebz

    beebz New Member

    Me and you and a dog named "Boo"
    I just named my new love/Boxer BippityBoppity"Boo" from watching Cinderella with my grand daughters.

    I am thinking of you. I cannot offer anything but thoughts and prayers as my son was rescued by me last night delirious and freezing, and hubby and I don't want him here, yet here he is and I don't know what to do so I couldn't say anything to you other than my heart is with you.
    Barb
     
  3. Dsmom

    Dsmom New Member

    Thank you for that...positive thoughts going to you and your husband.
     
  4. Kalahou

    Kalahou Active Member

    Following along. Thoughts are with you. You sound strong and supportive, yet know and keep your boundaries. Your son also sounds like he has a good deal of clarity about his limitations and what he can and needs to do. Best Wishes.
    Take care, and stay with us here.
     
  5. Tired out

    Tired out Active Member

    As an animal lover I feel your son's pain. I hope it works out and you can help him with one of his pals while he keeps Little with him. I hope the disposition of the one you are thinking of fostering is good and your hubby decides he is ok to stay. It is so nice that th vet you work for is willing to help. After all it isn't the wolf/dog fault it is in this predicament. we have 2 rescue cats and 1 (hubby calls her designer) cat. The rescues were in their positions due to no fault of their own. We gave them good lives and don't regret it for a minute.
    I also hope you son finds his way and is ok.
     
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  6. Dsmom

    Dsmom New Member

    I do so appreciate the words of encouragement. They provide an inner strength that I so sorely need right now. He should be leaving Arizona this afternoon. Praying that this incredible storm that is pummeling California will be gentle on their (he and his friends) travel. Worried about what I have no control over. I find myself in this position frequently. My husband is resigned to Boo coming to stay with us. I worry about my cat...she is stretched out in front of the wood stove, and I worry about how she will deal with a large dog usurping her place. I worry about how Boo will deal with being separated from her family. I worry about how D will deal with the issues confronting him. But....I am going to tell myself to “Let go, and let God”. At this particular moment in time, there is nothing for me to do, but be grateful for this moment. And I truly am grateful for this website where I can voice my fears and despair and know that I am not being judged, but understood. Thank you all for that.
     
  7. Tired out

    Tired out Active Member

    Dsmom, I know you worry about your cat (I would too) I think I would get her a high perch so she can lay in her normal room but up away from wolf/dog. Generally cats like to be higher than everyone/thing else so that way she can watch what is going on. Our old lady cat is fine with other animals entering her habitat as long as she is above them and out of reach.
     
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  8. Dsmom

    Dsmom New Member

    The problem with that is she is arthritic. I have positioned stools that she can getup on and then use them to elevate herself onto the bed and sofa.
     
  9. Tired out

    Tired out Active Member

    my old lady cat has arthritis in her hind legs. I bought a 3 tier cat tree at Petsmart and she just climbs from 1 level to the next to get to the top. The top tier is about 5 feet high! She doesn't need to go up there to get away from anything she just LIKES it up there!!
     
  10. Dsmom

    Dsmom New Member

    Thank you! That is good to know. I will see if I can find online. (We live in a rural are, and Petsmart is a good 60 miles from here!)