difficult child 1st visit to Juvenile Detention

[amazeofgrace]

My difficult child I turns 17 next week, in 2006 he was caught for grafitti and got his 1st/last warning. Sat. he was charged with breaking and entering and burglary. He was sent to JV last night. I am not too upset, I expected it and also told them I was not taking him home (tough love). He is there until 2morrow's court hearing at 9am.

My parents are driving me nuts because I "allowed" this to happen. I also did not go out and get an attorney, nor did I sit there while he was questioned. He told me he did it, he told them he did it. He left prints, yadda yadda yadda. He needed to be alone, he was alone when he committed the crime!

My Dad is also worried they'll try him as an adult. This is his 2nd run in with the law. The 1st he went before the juvenille conference committee and got his hand slapped and I got the bill for restitiution (go figure).

I am not sure what happens at JV and I am alittle worried about his well being, he's a small scrawny kid. I also am ?ing myself now if I should be worried about court 2morrow???

 

[amazeofgrace]

all this and he's not even on drugs!

 

[KTMom91]

Stay strong! And try not to worry too much. Maybe some time in Juvenile Hall will be an eye-opener for him. Sending hugs.

 

[Star*]

My sons first run in with the law was as a look out while 2 other boys (already on probation) broke into 2 houses in broad daylight and a 3rd one at night. In Sc - the hand of one is the hand of all.

My son was the ONLY one who cooperated with the cops. He never went in the houses. No one cared.

He is now a convicted felon, pays 40 a month to probation officer, pays 70 a month to restitution for the victims, pays 45 a month for court costs because there is NO such thing as a free public defender in the US after Feb 2008. It will cost him $500.00 an attorney for the same thing started at $25,000.

In the end he got 95 days in jail, the above fines, and 3 years of probation. If he even sniffed into the wind of trouble and violated his probation - it's 6 years in adult prison, not county jail - PRISON. And since he was 16 at the time - they tried him as an adult.

He's currently facing 'trumped up" charges for attempted burglary of a building that the cop said he SAW difficult child trying to break into. Okay - if you SAW HIM - and there was 1 way in and 1 way out - why didn't you arrest him? WHY didn't they check his buddy's back pack? Nope - they got the other illiterate child to sign a statement prepared BY the police that points the fingers at difficult child and now he's looking at 15 years. IN ADULT prison.

If this is your son's second run in - I think he had better start taking this seriously. Judges are tired of dealing with kids in gangs and ours who have problems get lumped into the same category and all looked at like thugs.

I hope your day in court went well - We still have ours to face and I'm praying it just gets thrown out but at this point the prosecutor wants 15 years. Nothing less.

 

[DammitJanet]

I hope this scares the bejeebers out of him but nothing seems to have scared mine.

 

[susiestar]

Iam so sorry. I hope this scares him, lets him know that his behavior is just NOT going to be tolerated by the police, judges, and rest of society.

I think letting him handle it is problem the best thing you could do. But we have had little interaction with the court, so it is just a guess.

hugs and prayers,

Susie

 

[gottaloveem]

I also hopes it scares him straight. He will be safe in juvy. He also will have his own cell(at least they do in my county). The violent kids are kept separate from the non violent kids.

If he's not on drugs, that is half the battle.

I'll keep my fingers crossed that he comes out a changed young man.

 

[Ephchap]

I too hope that this is enough to scare him straight.

I don't have any experience with Juvy. My son was arrested two weeks after his 17th birthday, and here in Michigan, they consider that an adult. He was put in the county jail, and although we were told he would be kept separate as Gotta mentioned, they didn't. He was in with 10 other adults. He was also in adult court and it's on his adult record.

Hopefully since your son is still considered a juvenille, he will realize that this is small potatoes compared to the adult court and jail system.

Hugs to you. I know how hard this is on your mommy heart.

Deb

 

[So Tired]

I don't have any experience with juvy -- just wanted to say not to let your parents guilt trip you! Stay strong! Sounds like you are doing the right things and letting his consequences remain his.

 

[amazeofgrace]

Thank you all, I am praying he is not tried as an adult, being he will be 17 2morrow, court is 9am Friday, Monday's hearing determined he had to stay in JV until Friday. I called the rehab where my S2BX is to speak to his case worker about this, I guess I feel it's unfair he doesn't have to know or deal with this. But in his "fragile" condition, i am sure they will not want to tell him. But he will know when he gets out and difficult child I is still in JV!

 

[BusynMember]

Are you parents willing to house your difficult child and pay for his legal bills when he gets into trouble?
Don't let them guilt trip you. They aren't in charge of your child.

 

[amazeofgrace]

he is home now on house arrest for the next 60 days, LOL, so they're definatley "housing" him LOL.

He is not a happy camper either. I stripped his room of alot of luxury items including his ghetto apparel. And he has no communication with his network of homeboys whatsoever.

Sadly he wants to be back at JV, which will not help him want to not break probation!

 

[standswithcourage]

How do you keep his homeboys away fromhim? that would be hard if my difficult child was home on house arrest to know if the homeboys came over when we were not there? How do you know? My difficult child thinks house arrest would be wonderful - is it?

 

[amazeofgrace]

my dad is home on disability, and we have all agreed he will not be left home alone ever, if possible

 

[Charmedpea]

Back in summer last year. difficult child 13yrs Daughter was in JV for the whole weekend. The only peace of mind I had was that she was safe.

she was arrested for hitting husband right infront of the cops. they picked her up because we reported her as a runaway. she never came home that night, they spotted her the next day. The cops brought her home and told her to get out of the car. She said no, they called their sargent to the scene, and he got her out of the car, then they looked at hubby and said take her in the house. He asked can I pick her up as soon as he did she started kicking and hitting him. Cops said that is all we need. Took her away in hand cuffs. I didnt see any of this I was on my way home from work.

We got infront of the magestrat i think that is what they are called. They told her she has 3 months to stay out of trouble if she is behaved for those three months they will drop all charges and their will be nothing on her record. she made it past that point and said she never wants to go back their.

She knows we will send her their again if their is another problem. but when she gets into her mood, she doesnt give a dam. So here is hoping the intense therapy she is going to start getting on monday will set the pace for the rest of her life.

Good Luck.. My prayers are with you and your family.
Charmed

 

[froglevel]

i am a 40 year old single mom of 2 teenaged daughters. the oldest is 17. She is addicted to prescription medications. After having been arrested for shoplifting 2 times and 2 stays in rehab i sent her to live with her dad. she was there until about 3 weeks ago when she decided to move in with a friend from whom she stole and behaved beligerently when she was high. she then went to her last remaining friend and stayed with her and her father for 3 days when he called and told me to come and get her or he would have her arrested. she had been getting high and coming in his house at 3am, eating all his food, passing out until late afternoon and then off to get high again. she has not been allowed in my house since the end of march but i did offer to take her to her dads but she cursed me and said no. at present i dont know where she is but we have had these issues for about 3 years. at 15 she ran off with her boyfriend who was 20 and a convicted felon to new orleans for 6 weeks. she has been admitted for psychiatric twice and taken to the county hospital psychiatric ward by the police on one occassion. she is bipolar doesnt take her medications, she uses crack, pot, meth, ectasy, and has huffed freon and done heroin as well. i am at the point now that i am having to let go. i have done everything i know to do and she chooses to live in a drug induced stupor sleeping with one boy after another and never stays in the same place for more than a few nights. it was the hardest thing i ever had to do when i told her she couldnt come back home. pray for my little girl. it is like sitting in the room with her, watching her put the gun to her head and not being able to help...

my youngest daughter is almost 16. she was just as bad or worse. she got involved with gangs and even stole my car for a week one time. in jan she went to juvenile for 2 weeks and when she got out she was a different kid. she has been clean ever since and is the kid i knew before the drugs...although, she is pregnant now...but she is turning around..i like to think it is possible for the oldest as well but my hope is fading fast..i am tired...any words of wisdom would be appreciated and prayers would be even better.

i guess i thought these kinds of things happened to poor people or people with low moral character and my snobbery is being challenged. i raised my kids well. in fact, i think they are very spoiled and that is my fault. however, i have never used drugs and do not understand it well...