difficult child just took a giant step back toward GFGness....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Andy, Aug 13, 2010.

  1. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    I am soooooo angry!!! I get home and diva puppy is at the edge of the driveway where I want to back up. I asked difficult child to take both dogs into the yard so I can see them before I back up. What does he do? Guess......

    Yep, comes over, moves diva puppy 2 inches off the pavement, sits down, holds on to both dogs (they are now all three out of sight) and says, "O.K., you can back up now!" They are all in my blind spot on the passenger side of the van right where my van is heading.

    I had to get out of the van after telling him three times, "NO!! GET THEM TO THE FRONT YARD" to get him to obey me. "But mom, I told you it was o.k. - we were out of the way. You need to trust me!" "And how do you know I wasn't planning on parking the van on the grass where you were sitting???"

    I am still so worked up about it! He honestly believes it is o.k. for me to back up knowing that he and the dogs are somewhere back there but just out of sight.
  2. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I hate to tell you this, but that could be any 13-yr-old know-it-all. Or husband, for that matter (Marg's man and a few others excluded. :) )
    VERY frustrating, I agree.
    G'sFg do not understand the whys of why we do things. They cannot see things from another's point of view. You have to explain it step-by-step.
    "Move the dogs to the yard because my mirrors do not show where you are sitting. I know you want me to trust you but this is a big van and I have to make sure it goes in the right direction."
    Of course, we don't think of those things until later.
    In the meantime, {{hugs}}.
    And be thankful they are all safe and sound.
  3. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    It didn't help any that he spent several hours push mowing the lawn and was just as tired and cranky as I was. I am glad husband finished the yard for difficult child. The back yard was extra long since it missed the last mowing chance between wet yards in the mornings, too hot in the afternoon, and rain all the other times. difficult child struggled to get the entire lawn mowed today (his idea, he never needs to be asked to mow but has taken it upon himself to do so). He has placed himself into the "I will tell mom what to do" mode tonight which of course does not go over well.
  4. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Well, at least he cuts the grass. ;)
    If he can tell you what to do, you think that means he can tell you what he's cooking for dinner, when you can go to bed, and whether you need a drink? One can always hope.

    Mostly, I hope that everyone gets a good night's sleep, a clean shower, and wakes up to a better day tomorrow.

    P.S. I've had similar instances, with-and with-o difficult child to rein in the dogs. I have occasionally resorted to taking the dogs inside the car so I know where they are !!! I'me paranoid about that kind of thing.
  5. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    :) Thank you Terry! That is helping me to calm down. I do get nervous about my blind spots when driving. We are running a garage sale and he has been very good with helping me set up tables and take down/reset up between rain showers. I did get a "Good Night - I love you!" so he must be calmed down too! :)
  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Proof positive that these kids don't have a clue in regard to how long-lasting their antics are, and how their own behavior is just a blip on the screen.
    We had lots of rain today, on and off. Mostly cloud bursts, then sun. Made it difficult to cut grass. go for walks, do anything besides run errands or pay bills. NOT a typical Saturday.

    What sort of migraine variant does he have? (I was wondering about your profile/signature)
  7. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Andy, it does sound to me like he thought he was doing the right thing. He needs to hear this:

    "Son, I do trust you. But it's me I have to trust in this. I love you all, and was scared I might still hit you because even though you could see you were out of the way, you weren't the ones driving the car, and if I can't see you, any of you, I worry about hurting you."

    Then put one of his favourite bright-coloured toys right where he was sitting, and get him to sit in the driving seat and see what you couldn't see. And also, you were right to say - "I might have wanted to park on the grass!"

    They need to see it from their own egocentric point of view. But they also need to see that your annoyance and anxiety is for them, not in spite of them.

    One annoying possiblility with my above suggestion - he could turn out later on to be a very competent, capable and meticulous driver, able to back the car up without worrying about blind spots. At which point he will say, "I can do it - why can't you?"
    We're currently at the stage where difficult child 3 is learning to drive (in Australia, our kids begin driving lessons at age 16 at the earliest). And the brat has been playing so many driving-related computer games (Grand Theft Auto especially) that he is actually already very skilled. So we try to explain safety concerns such as "be careful when cornering, brake before a corner then accelerate as you come out of the corner," and he's already good at it. Things that still bother us about driving, he's already supremely confident about handling.

    Oh well... all you can do when this happens is say, "It's all very well for you, but it's not like that for everyone."

    Andy, it's just one more Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-like feature of your son.

  8. ML

    ML Guest

    What Marg said.

    Manster also does this stuff and gets all upset when I don't "trust him". This could mean anything from the situation you describe to going into the kitchen between meals and I ask him what he's doing. "Just getting a glass of water, geez mom, you don't even trust me not to get food". (thinking to myself, not by a long shot). Chin up, he sounds like he is basically doing great. HE's MOWING the LAWN!!
  9. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Andy ~ the old teenager "I can never be hurt" "I'm always right" attitude is rearing it's ugly head. Unfortunately, with difficult children that attitude is magnified way out of proportion.

    I'm glad that difficult child is making good choices & such in other areas. He needs to understand that when it comes to health/safety YOU & husband are the ones who call the shots. Marg's idea is a good one ~ I myself will use it when kt is ready to drive.

    I hope you're feeling better; that you poured yourself a cool lemonade & are enjoying the afternoon.