I have thought long and hard about posting, but I’ve become desperate for answers and advice. Mine is a long story, but I will try to make it concise. My son, J, was the absolute brightest, most talented, and kindest person you could ever meet. He excelled at everything he tried, was voted most likely to succeed in high school, was class president all his years in school and ran for president of his university. While at the university he joined a band made up of equally accomplished students who ended up writing for Disney and often performed on television. I was always so proud of him and couldn’t wait to see the things he would accomplish in the future. I tell you all this to give some background on him. After he graduated from college 14 years ago, when he was 22, things took a drastic change. He was living with us. He confided in us that he had been smoking marijuana since 11th grade, and he was relieved to have that “burden” lifted from his shoulders. He was always such a great kid that he felt guilty lying to us. We assured him it was no big deal and that he should just move on from it. He started to become very anxious and even very argumentative, which was a total change in his personality. His friends and two sisters also noticed a dramatic change. He has lost contact with most of them. We also discovered he was eating psychedelic seeds (Morning Glory), which he believes are good for him. He’s doing no other drugs. He has become delusional and has been involuntarily hospitalized twice for his bizarre behavior and thought processes. He was diagnosed as bipolar with psychosis at the latest hospital. To make a very long story short, he lived with us on and off for the past 14 years. At some points he lived on our dime in NYC, Nashville, Miami (for grad school which he didn’t finish), all the while accruing student financial debts and finally debts to friends for crashing on their couches. He would live with us in between his couch surfing until it became very difficult due to his verbal and emotional abuse. We would leave the house at noon and come back at 6 pm to avoid having confrontations. I walked on egg shells and believe the stress was literally killing me. We told him unless he would stop eating the seeds and get some therapy, he couldn’t live with us. He would promise to abide by those rules and then he wouldn’t follow through. Last year we told him he could no longer live with us. Since that time he has been homeless and is currently living in a tent in someone’s backyard (He won’t tell us where he is). He still loves his family so much and reaches out to his sisters and niece/nephew. He never forgets a birthday and loves the holidays like he did when he was a kid. It would be easier if he didn’t. We managed to get him to apply for Medicaid which has helped, but he will not go for any other assistance. He doesn’t believe he has a mental illness. The guilt I feel for “abandoning” him is so tremendous that I can hardly breathe. How can I abandon my mentally ill son? I cry everyday. He has stopped contacting me. My husband doesn’t want any interaction at this point and I can’t live with that. I just want to know he’s ok. There’s so much more to the story, but I just need advice from people who have been through something similar. I’ve read the article on detachment, but does it apply to the mentally ill? I’ve read all kinds of books and have been going to therapy for the past several years. I’ve also taken classes at NAMI. Nothing seems to help. I still love him so very much, and I want to help him but don’t know how. Any suggestions or advice would be greatly appreciated.