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Failure to Thrive
Don’t want to be B’s mom anymore
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 739449" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Look. S. The first thing that needs to happen is you need to lay off--yourself. Every mother. Every single one. Would feel exactly as do you, if they told the truth. </p><p></p><p>Every. single. thing. you write. Any mother would feel. In your circumstances. </p><p></p><p>By judging yourself so harshly, you make it that much harder for yourself. So stop. And breathe.</p><p></p><p>All of this, has to stop:</p><p></p><p>This is cruel to you. And it is unfair. No human being wants to be abused. Or oppressed. Especially by their child. This is a special kind of tyranny. It is bad enough. But to gang up on yourself makes it worse.</p><p></p><p>All of this is really clear and it makes absolute sense:</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>This is absolutely true, too. You are the one who is being sacrificed. That is not right.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>You are very, very strong. And you are a loving mother and a loving person--who is in an impossible and difficult situation. </p><p></p><p></p><p>Others will be around later. It is a Sunday and always slow. People will show up tomorrow morning about 6 am PDT. </p><p></p><p>I want to make a few suggestions. First, as I said, you have to get on your own side, and stop being your own enemy by invalidating what you feel and what you know to be true. The way I have organized the post may help. The first part is untrue, wrong things. The second part is true things, real things, valid things, and things every single loving mother would feel. </p><p></p><p>There will be a time, probably soon, when it would be best to communicate to your husband and tell him you are in trouble and you need his help. But I would think about getting a counselor, or a pastor, somebody who is not involved. Because you need real support here. I might even consider showing him this post, at some point. But first you need to believe you deserve to have every single thing you voice here in this thread. </p><p></p><p>Right now you feel like there is a gun to your head and you are walking the plank. Who could do this?</p><p></p><p>You may choose to do it. You may decide to do it. But nobody could or should do it with a gun to their head, feeling they will be destroyed. </p><p></p><p>There are things you can do, but a plan needs to be in place, for you...first.</p><p></p><p>I would think about insisting he stay longer at the facility...that to support him...you need a support plan for you. Which includes respite...and help...</p><p></p><p>Is the school district involved? Does he need an IEP? Are you certain about the diagnoses? I went to Children's Hospital Child Development center for comprehensive neuropsychiatric evaluation by a team. Your child may have a developmental disorder that has not been diagnosed. IIs the regional center involved? Can you go back to work and your husband stay home? Or both of you work part time? That is just for a start. There are many, many things that can be done.</p><p></p><p>I went to a free legal service called Disability Rights. We got a free attorney, You may benefit from an attorney.</p><p></p><p>I will take a stand here. Your son cannot come home until you feel you can do it. And you cannot do it all. </p><p></p><p>I am glad you found us. You will find support here. There are a number of mothers who have gone through similar. They will be here, soon, to help you.</p><p></p><p>But first, please stop being so unkind to yourself. Please. What you are feeling is normal in a horrible situation.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 739449, member: 18958"] Look. S. The first thing that needs to happen is you need to lay off--yourself. Every mother. Every single one. Would feel exactly as do you, if they told the truth. Every. single. thing. you write. Any mother would feel. In your circumstances. By judging yourself so harshly, you make it that much harder for yourself. So stop. And breathe. All of this, has to stop: This is cruel to you. And it is unfair. No human being wants to be abused. Or oppressed. Especially by their child. This is a special kind of tyranny. It is bad enough. But to gang up on yourself makes it worse. All of this is really clear and it makes absolute sense: This is absolutely true, too. You are the one who is being sacrificed. That is not right. You are very, very strong. And you are a loving mother and a loving person--who is in an impossible and difficult situation. Others will be around later. It is a Sunday and always slow. People will show up tomorrow morning about 6 am PDT. I want to make a few suggestions. First, as I said, you have to get on your own side, and stop being your own enemy by invalidating what you feel and what you know to be true. The way I have organized the post may help. The first part is untrue, wrong things. The second part is true things, real things, valid things, and things every single loving mother would feel. There will be a time, probably soon, when it would be best to communicate to your husband and tell him you are in trouble and you need his help. But I would think about getting a counselor, or a pastor, somebody who is not involved. Because you need real support here. I might even consider showing him this post, at some point. But first you need to believe you deserve to have every single thing you voice here in this thread. Right now you feel like there is a gun to your head and you are walking the plank. Who could do this? You may choose to do it. You may decide to do it. But nobody could or should do it with a gun to their head, feeling they will be destroyed. There are things you can do, but a plan needs to be in place, for you...first. I would think about insisting he stay longer at the facility...that to support him...you need a support plan for you. Which includes respite...and help... Is the school district involved? Does he need an IEP? Are you certain about the diagnoses? I went to Children's Hospital Child Development center for comprehensive neuropsychiatric evaluation by a team. Your child may have a developmental disorder that has not been diagnosed. IIs the regional center involved? Can you go back to work and your husband stay home? Or both of you work part time? That is just for a start. There are many, many things that can be done. I went to a free legal service called Disability Rights. We got a free attorney, You may benefit from an attorney. I will take a stand here. Your son cannot come home until you feel you can do it. And you cannot do it all. I am glad you found us. You will find support here. There are a number of mothers who have gone through similar. They will be here, soon, to help you. But first, please stop being so unkind to yourself. Please. What you are feeling is normal in a horrible situation. [/QUOTE]
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