Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Failure to Thrive
Don’t want to be B’s mom anymore
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="B’smom" data-source="post: 739453" data-attributes="member: 23359"><p>Copabana, thank you for the reply. I’ve felt, no I have been so alone for so long. I used to be the person that was never home. In high school, I didn’t just have one group of friends. I hung out with everyone, every crowd. I don’t have a single friend left. B’s behaviours got too much, for everyone. We stopped going out, stopped getting invites. Life kept going and we just stopped. We don’t even go out as a family anymore. Either B goes or the other children go.</p><p></p><p>When we had B, things were great until he changed. He got a high fever for 3 days shortly after 12 months and then it was like my son was replaced with a changeling. He stopped everything. He stopped talking, stopped making eye contact, sat in a corner and hoarded toys. Screamed and cried all the time, nothing made him happy anymore. Sensory became a huge issue and he even stopped eating. I have an educational background in children and youth, I knew exactly what the regression most likely meant- autism.</p><p></p><p>So we made an appointment and that doctor sent us to another agency. We waited years for an assessment (4 when he was diagnosed) and we were told he didn’t have autism. Which I was shocked, because I had worked with many children with that diagnosis, B was just like them. No we were told he had an intellectual dosability, ODD and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). When we was 8, he was diagnosed with CAS- childhood apraxia of speech, depression and his IQ was reassessed. He did not have an intellectual delay anymore- it was normal (minus verbal comprehension- 1%).</p><p></p><p>Since then, we’ve been passed from doctor to doctor, each one gives a new diagnosis, a new behaviour plan. But nothing really helps, or helps for long. His Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) becomes an issue and the reward becomes an obsession.</p><p></p><p>The residential placement he’s at, is currently reassessing him, ruling out his current diagnosis and I’ve asked them to evaluate the possibility of him being on the spectrum. I still believe he’s on the spectrum. </p><p></p><p>Their motto is “children do well if they can” by doctor Ross Greene. Everything is about collaborative problem solving (CPS). I know it works, I used it at work all the time (I’m currently working since B is gone). But being called a “selfish f****** b****” from clients vs your own child- affects me so much differently. It breaks me more and more each time.</p><p></p><p>The school is decently great. I’m not a fan of the principal but they work hard for B. They also use CPS with him. He has an IEP and is identified on an IPRC. (I’m in Canada). I don’t think there’s much they can add. But I often get calls to pick him up because he’s become aggressive towards peers and teachers. </p><p></p><p>As far as my husband goes- he’s a wonderful man, he really is. He’s kind and patient, if I needed to get away, he’d pay the hotel room. But that’s mostly where it ends. He unfortunately makes more than I would ever be able too and financially speaking, it wouldn’t make sense for him to give up his job vs me. This is why I ended up where I am. And according to him, because of my background in this.... it’s easier for me to go to appointments because I “understand”. But I doubt he’s ever read a report from the doctor. He can’t even tell you our children’s teachers names by June.</p><p> We’ve spoken about how I feel, typically every six months I have to have a breakdown, tell him I need help and then threaten to leave. So he’ll put down his phone for about a month. He’ll play with the kids and help with the household chores... and then slowly he goes back to his phone and his world. And I’m left alone, trying to manage everything. </p><p>The threat of leaving is empty though, B goes berserk if either of us leave, even for a day or two. My husband left for a week in July, for a vacation. B spent the entire week having meltdown after meltdown. Calling me every name in the book and told me he was going to burn the house down with everyone in it. I didn’t sleep the rest of the week. I was terrified. B’s younger brother is often his punching bag, I take showers while he’s using the washroom so I know everyone is safe. In January, B tried to kick him down a full flight of stairs.</p><p>The agencies in our area turn us away, either because of his behaviours or lack of intellectual diagnosis. We’re stuck in limbo and no one wants/can help us.</p><p></p><p>I can’t do this anymore, I don’t want to do this anymore. I’ve somehow managed to become my mother. Only instead of marrying an absuive alcoholic man, my son is the one abusing me. If this was a marriage, I’d have had a divorce. Sorry I’m rambling.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="B’smom, post: 739453, member: 23359"] Copabana, thank you for the reply. I’ve felt, no I have been so alone for so long. I used to be the person that was never home. In high school, I didn’t just have one group of friends. I hung out with everyone, every crowd. I don’t have a single friend left. B’s behaviours got too much, for everyone. We stopped going out, stopped getting invites. Life kept going and we just stopped. We don’t even go out as a family anymore. Either B goes or the other children go. When we had B, things were great until he changed. He got a high fever for 3 days shortly after 12 months and then it was like my son was replaced with a changeling. He stopped everything. He stopped talking, stopped making eye contact, sat in a corner and hoarded toys. Screamed and cried all the time, nothing made him happy anymore. Sensory became a huge issue and he even stopped eating. I have an educational background in children and youth, I knew exactly what the regression most likely meant- autism. So we made an appointment and that doctor sent us to another agency. We waited years for an assessment (4 when he was diagnosed) and we were told he didn’t have autism. Which I was shocked, because I had worked with many children with that diagnosis, B was just like them. No we were told he had an intellectual dosability, ODD and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). When we was 8, he was diagnosed with CAS- childhood apraxia of speech, depression and his IQ was reassessed. He did not have an intellectual delay anymore- it was normal (minus verbal comprehension- 1%). Since then, we’ve been passed from doctor to doctor, each one gives a new diagnosis, a new behaviour plan. But nothing really helps, or helps for long. His Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) becomes an issue and the reward becomes an obsession. The residential placement he’s at, is currently reassessing him, ruling out his current diagnosis and I’ve asked them to evaluate the possibility of him being on the spectrum. I still believe he’s on the spectrum. Their motto is “children do well if they can” by doctor Ross Greene. Everything is about collaborative problem solving (CPS). I know it works, I used it at work all the time (I’m currently working since B is gone). But being called a “selfish f****** b****” from clients vs your own child- affects me so much differently. It breaks me more and more each time. The school is decently great. I’m not a fan of the principal but they work hard for B. They also use CPS with him. He has an IEP and is identified on an IPRC. (I’m in Canada). I don’t think there’s much they can add. But I often get calls to pick him up because he’s become aggressive towards peers and teachers. As far as my husband goes- he’s a wonderful man, he really is. He’s kind and patient, if I needed to get away, he’d pay the hotel room. But that’s mostly where it ends. He unfortunately makes more than I would ever be able too and financially speaking, it wouldn’t make sense for him to give up his job vs me. This is why I ended up where I am. And according to him, because of my background in this.... it’s easier for me to go to appointments because I “understand”. But I doubt he’s ever read a report from the doctor. He can’t even tell you our children’s teachers names by June. We’ve spoken about how I feel, typically every six months I have to have a breakdown, tell him I need help and then threaten to leave. So he’ll put down his phone for about a month. He’ll play with the kids and help with the household chores... and then slowly he goes back to his phone and his world. And I’m left alone, trying to manage everything. The threat of leaving is empty though, B goes berserk if either of us leave, even for a day or two. My husband left for a week in July, for a vacation. B spent the entire week having meltdown after meltdown. Calling me every name in the book and told me he was going to burn the house down with everyone in it. I didn’t sleep the rest of the week. I was terrified. B’s younger brother is often his punching bag, I take showers while he’s using the washroom so I know everyone is safe. In January, B tried to kick him down a full flight of stairs. The agencies in our area turn us away, either because of his behaviours or lack of intellectual diagnosis. We’re stuck in limbo and no one wants/can help us. I can’t do this anymore, I don’t want to do this anymore. I’ve somehow managed to become my mother. Only instead of marrying an absuive alcoholic man, my son is the one abusing me. If this was a marriage, I’d have had a divorce. Sorry I’m rambling. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Failure to Thrive
Don’t want to be B’s mom anymore
Top