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Parent Emeritus
Drawing boundaries and not being ruled by sadness and guilt
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 753942" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Hi Kris22</p><p>Welcome to the forum. I am so sorry for your aching Mommas heart and what you have been through and are going through. It is a hard road to travel. You have come to a place where folks understand the grief of it. I have two off the rails adult children. It has been a long time dealing with the many phases of grieving over their choices, the loss felt, the brief glimpses of them as youngsters and wishing things were different. It got to the point where my only chance of having a life was to give them over to my higher power. I had come to realize after many years in the midst of their train wrecks, that I did not have the magic potion to fix them. I get through the holidays with lots of prayer, exercise and focus on living my best life. It is what we wish for our kids, that they would learn self care and self love. Who better to show them than us? Living in guilt and sadness does nothing to help them, and ruins our lives. It is a process to set boundaries and make healthy decisions. Therapy helped me as well as writing here. It has become a sort of journal that speaks back. Lots of folks here have traveled this journey and have much to share. Some are at different points along the way. Please know you are not alone. Holidays can bring out some very big feelings.</p><p>I have three well adult children who I focus on. It has been years of trying to help my waywards when all along I had loving children who deserved my attention too. Finding our balance takes time and understanding that some things we just can’t fix. The only person you can control is yourself. Learning strategies to control your reactions, to calm the ever swirling emotions, to step back from the rabbit hole. That’s key in surviving the chaos of it. You have come to a good place to start.</p><p>There is a good article on detachment in the PE forum. I prefer the word disentanglement. I view addiction and mental illness as a web that can tie us up from living our own potential. That is a loss in of itself.</p><p>More will come along shortly. I’m sure many of us are busy preparing for tomorrow’s festivities.</p><p>I hope you stick around and keep sharing. It has really helped me in my journey to write out my feelings and get feedback and reassurance. It helps to write to others in a similar situation, I find that I am talking to myself as well, finding ways to unwrap the many sticky layers that can keep us stuck in a rut. There is hope for you and your son. The end of the story is not yet written. Drawing boundaries is a good place to start.</p><p>Welcome.</p><p>Take good care of yourself dear, it is a hard journey we are all on.</p><p>(((Hugs)))</p><p>New Leaf</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 753942, member: 19522"] Hi Kris22 Welcome to the forum. I am so sorry for your aching Mommas heart and what you have been through and are going through. It is a hard road to travel. You have come to a place where folks understand the grief of it. I have two off the rails adult children. It has been a long time dealing with the many phases of grieving over their choices, the loss felt, the brief glimpses of them as youngsters and wishing things were different. It got to the point where my only chance of having a life was to give them over to my higher power. I had come to realize after many years in the midst of their train wrecks, that I did not have the magic potion to fix them. I get through the holidays with lots of prayer, exercise and focus on living my best life. It is what we wish for our kids, that they would learn self care and self love. Who better to show them than us? Living in guilt and sadness does nothing to help them, and ruins our lives. It is a process to set boundaries and make healthy decisions. Therapy helped me as well as writing here. It has become a sort of journal that speaks back. Lots of folks here have traveled this journey and have much to share. Some are at different points along the way. Please know you are not alone. Holidays can bring out some very big feelings. I have three well adult children who I focus on. It has been years of trying to help my waywards when all along I had loving children who deserved my attention too. Finding our balance takes time and understanding that some things we just can’t fix. The only person you can control is yourself. Learning strategies to control your reactions, to calm the ever swirling emotions, to step back from the rabbit hole. That’s key in surviving the chaos of it. You have come to a good place to start. There is a good article on detachment in the PE forum. I prefer the word disentanglement. I view addiction and mental illness as a web that can tie us up from living our own potential. That is a loss in of itself. More will come along shortly. I’m sure many of us are busy preparing for tomorrow’s festivities. I hope you stick around and keep sharing. It has really helped me in my journey to write out my feelings and get feedback and reassurance. It helps to write to others in a similar situation, I find that I am talking to myself as well, finding ways to unwrap the many sticky layers that can keep us stuck in a rut. There is hope for you and your son. The end of the story is not yet written. Drawing boundaries is a good place to start. Welcome. Take good care of yourself dear, it is a hard journey we are all on. (((Hugs))) New Leaf [/QUOTE]
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Drawing boundaries and not being ruled by sadness and guilt
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