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Parent Emeritus
Drawing boundaries and not being ruled by sadness and guilt
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<blockquote data-quote="JayPee" data-source="post: 754012" data-attributes="member: 23405"><p>Welcome Kris</p><p></p><p>For myself I have two adult sons that have been homeless off and on for a few years. I have enabled them their whole lives and by the grace of God have been able to see that this was not going to change them or help them achieve the stable, safe life I always hoped for them. </p><p>Like many here I paid rent, bills, food, bought cars etc. alway thinking that this next thing they needed was going to seal the deal and they’d finally be able to function in society and take cares of themselves once and for all. </p><p></p><p>I am so thankful I woke up from “my dream”. It still hurts because for various reasons I have chosen to stay detached with love from them right now. I know I still have to get stronger in order to be around them. I am too weak still and know that my years and years of enabling are my own problem. I am not quite there yet after all it took me a long time to get this way so I have to remember I’m not going to be healed over night. This enabling stuff starts to become part of our DNA I feel. So I continue prayer, therapy, this forum, Al anon and good books to help grow into a stronger well-balanced person. </p><p></p><p>I try to get through the holidays by thinking things might change for them too someday and that we may share happy times again someday. I try to not write the ending of the story. </p><p></p><p>Sending prayers</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="JayPee, post: 754012, member: 23405"] Welcome Kris For myself I have two adult sons that have been homeless off and on for a few years. I have enabled them their whole lives and by the grace of God have been able to see that this was not going to change them or help them achieve the stable, safe life I always hoped for them. Like many here I paid rent, bills, food, bought cars etc. alway thinking that this next thing they needed was going to seal the deal and they’d finally be able to function in society and take cares of themselves once and for all. I am so thankful I woke up from “my dream”. It still hurts because for various reasons I have chosen to stay detached with love from them right now. I know I still have to get stronger in order to be around them. I am too weak still and know that my years and years of enabling are my own problem. I am not quite there yet after all it took me a long time to get this way so I have to remember I’m not going to be healed over night. This enabling stuff starts to become part of our DNA I feel. So I continue prayer, therapy, this forum, Al anon and good books to help grow into a stronger well-balanced person. I try to get through the holidays by thinking things might change for them too someday and that we may share happy times again someday. I try to not write the ending of the story. Sending prayers [/QUOTE]
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Drawing boundaries and not being ruled by sadness and guilt
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