Dum Dee Dum Dum.....

[Hound dog]

Ok. I'm being just the ever so hopeful Mom here. But I swear I am just standing on the sidelines, keeping my mouth shut, and hoping for the best.

Nichole is having trouble in the EMT program. Not for lack of effort. She's great in the clinicals, but having trouble with the bookwork due to the dyslexia. It's a real struggle for her.

So, there is this guy in her class who is making straight A's. Nichole asked him to tutor her. First tutoring session I tagged along as it was Nichole's day to drive us to school.

The guy is 28, no major looker, but sweet and kind. And I dunno, just strikes me as the typical geeky good guy. He helped Nichole get a 95 on her last test which brought her average up to a 76 which keeps her in the class.

He lives in another small town nearby but told her that his Dad just bought a house on our street last summer. Turns out his Dad is our next door neighbor. lol AND this guy was at his Dad's today and came over to say hi to Nichole. They visited on the front porch while Aubrey played outside.

And boyfriend is being as big an arse as ever, worse actually.

I'm not necessarily hoping Nichole and this guy hook up. But I am hoping she can see there are plenty of decent good guys out there who think she's a great person and would be interested. Right now they're just friends and classmates.

I think there are two huge reasons Nichole is still with boyfriend. 1. She's afraid to fly the nest and support Aubrey alone. And 2. she believes no other good guy is going to be interested since she has a child.

I had to chuckle after she told me he came over today. His Dad is married to a woman who is only a year old than he is. I haven't seen him over there all summer. And suddenly today........Well, lol. You get the idea. I think he may be a leetle sweet on Nichole.

Fingers crossed some good will come from this friendship on more than one front.

 

[witzend]

I hope she will see that there is a better life out there for her, and that there are chances to be with someone who will allow her to be all that she can be. Or at least that she doesn't have to lower herself to boyfriend's level.

 

[susiestar]

Fingers crossed that she can see that there are good guys out there who treat women well AND are very very interested in a smart, funny, hard-working, caring single mom like herself. She has overcome so much, learned and grown so much, and I hope she will see her true worth as it is reflected from the people who know her best (her MOM esp) and see the lies about her worth for what they are when they reflect in Aubrey's dad's eyes. Maybe the tutor and classmate will help her see clearly.

 

[Suz]

Well, as the resident hopeful romantic, you know I'm also rooting for a new beginning for Nichole. One has to wonder about the adage, "there are no coincidences..." so fingers crossed this is good FATE showing up next door.

Suz

 

[Hound dog]

Yeah, Suz. I was thinking about the same thing when we learned his Dad had just moved in next door. lol What are the odds?? I'm not good on figuring odds.

I like this guy so far. He reminds me of the manly man, big ol teddy bear type. So totally the opposite of the boyfriend it's unreal.

Oh.......And I was sooooooo proud of Nichole. Her car drinks oil. She's known it since she bought it. And she keeps a close eye on it. Well.....thurs night after class she checked her oil. It was really low. It was cold outside and dark as pitch. So since she didn't want to add the oil herself in the dark.........

She went all damsel in distress and suddenly found herself surrounded by male classmates clammering to help. Nichole was shocked at the response. (Mom wasn't lol)

Ha ha. My daughter is finally learning the "perks" to being female.

 

[KTMom91]

Tell Nichole to keep that geeky good guy around! My Hubby is one of those types, and he was a great friend first. It never hurts to have guy friends...at the very least, it keeps you from putting your own oil in! Hopefully this guy will be a good friend to her, and help her to realize her own worth.

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

Whether she ends up liking this guy or not, the fact that she spends any amount of time with her will show her that there is a better way out there. I'm crossing my fingers!

 

[Star*]

Here's what I am hoping for my future EMT niece.

See.....I'm going to go out on a limb - mostly because it's where I live and because I care a lot about the people and their children here. Also because if I can't speak what's in my mind vs. my heart I have no real advice to offer. So here goes.

I hope they do NOT hook up. Not yet anyway (ducks ugly glares) Okay well here it is.

If Nicole feels at her young age and being so beautiful that she can not do any better than current "abusive" boyfriend, and because she has a child - hooking up with a nice guy is NOT EVER going to change her opinion of her self worth. She'll be treated better, but possibly always wonder WHY he treats her so nice when all the others treated her like poop.

Women ALWAYS (self included) wonder why they pick looser boys or men. Why they get out of one carpy relationship and seem to be nearly drawn into the next one. - You can have tons of self confidance, but little to no self esteem. This is why you see on occasion very successful women with LOOSER L7 boyfriends or fiances - they exude TONS of self-confinence in their careers, looks but lack the self esteem we all should have to KNOW they deserve the best life has to offer. OR they may feel they can "fix" the man they are with or that he'll "Change" with her undying love. And eventually it becomes a pattern just like Nicole may have that sends a signal to her brain - "I'm not worthy of a decent man who would treat me the way I should be treated - or no one will want me because I have a child, I'm overweight, I'm not pure...." and the reasons and reasoning go on and on until ------

You get counseling. And sister - I mean LOTS of it. Why? BECAUSE YOU ARE WORTH IT.....every single stinking cent you spend on yourself to get your good mental health back and STOP allowing (GET THAT ALLOWING??) yourself to hook up with "better" than what you have guys.

I know EXACTLY what you mean Daisy - I see it in my own son when he dates these little girls that have NO self respect or self esteem. They act trashy, behave like raunchy people and it becomes CLEAR to my disturbed 18 year old kid even - that these girls are going to have baggage and need help. He even told me about one girl he really liked that was "very out there" "Momma Love may conquer all - but not if you can't love yourself."

So what I'm thinking - is lets get Nicole into some books about self esteem and knowing your TRUE worth and value - SHE IS A PRINCESS....she is a gem, she's beautiful and she's human - so obviously she's made a mistake or two along the way - (pick up stone here and throw it if you have never made a mistake) and ENCOURAGE her to be ABOVE the level she's seeking. I've never met her and I know that she's a fantastic young woman - (flawed true and sometimes doesnt' treat her Mom the way she ought to for all her help) but nonetheless - HER VALUE IS IMMEASURABLE.....ands he should be treated as such. Anything less is unacceptable. Getting HER convinced of that? Harder than it sounds but dooable.

Once she's mastered her sense of self-worth? The sky would be the limit on her choices - of everything in life - not just men....

The nicest compliment any man ever paid me was when DF and I met and dated a few times and he said the sexiest thing about me was my brain, and my self confidence. Huge turn on to those men that are the RIGHT choices. And it also doesn't limit her to just the guy next door.....(Know what I mean??) In order to shoot a rocket higher you dont' have to be a rocket scientist - but you DO have to belive you can get the thing off the ground and into space. How you get to space comes after you learn - just like she needs to learn about herself and know her value - maybe you should ask her if she's ever thought about what she's worth? And why?

I smell brownies and coffee Mom/daughter talk coming up.

Hugs
Love
Star

 

[Hound dog]

Starbie dear, you are right. If Nichole dumps loser boyfriend the last thing I want her to do is jump headfirst into another relationship. That would be a horrible mistake. (for any female, let alone Nichole)

Nichole said she really likes this guy (as a friend) cuz he doesn't stare at her chest (large) and doesn't seem interested in getting into her pants. He's nice, sweet, polite, well mannered, intelligent....And I'm hoping he can show her there is better out there than boyfriend. I think he's sweet on her a bit, I have no clue if she is even aware of it. But knowing Nichole, she probably isn't.

Will she need therapy to stop choosing Loser boyfriend's? I dunno. boyfriend is the only loser boyfriend she's ever had, except a boy she dumped in 7th grade after 2 days. So a pattern really hasn't been established. And boyfriend walked into her life during it's lowest point. I still think the only reason the "relationship" has lasted so long is because she got pregnant.

I think a friendship with this guy would teach her alot about decent guys and about herself. If it develops into more.....well, that would be up to them. I wouldn't be encouraging it though.

 

[donna723]

Daisy, I've got my fingers crossed that Nichole sees more of this guy ... or that at least she's around him enough to see the difference in the way he treats her vs. loser boyfriend. I think his father moving in next door was maybe one of those "meant to be' coincidences!

My own daughter was very much like that when she was that age. She didn't have a child but her self esteem was very low. And it wasn't just one guy - she went through a whole parade of dead-end loser boyfriends at that age, some were really the bottom of the barrel. It was like she didn't think she could do any better, that a really good guy wouldn't be interested in her! It seemed almost like the worse they treated her, the more she was clinging to them. After she got her nursing license, she moved back to Florida - long story but things were really bad at our house and getting away from her father did her a world of good. She got a good job and her own apartment and did really well on her own and she began to become much more confident and self assured. She finally got to a point where she got very selective about the guys she dated, and wouldn't go out with someone just to be going out, like a lot of her friends did. She finally thought enough of herself and respected herself enough that she had no time or patience for the losers. That's the frame of mind she was in when she met the wonderful, smart, handsome guy that's now my son-in-law! But if she had met him a few years earlier, she would have hid in a corner because she would never have thought she would have had a chance with someone like him.

And Nichole is dead wrong to think that no one else would be interested in her because she has a child! I wouldn't be surprised if her boyfriend has told her that! Many abusive and controlling men say things like that to women to keep them under their thumb ... "No one else would want you!" My 28 year old son is the ultimate "good guy" - and he loves kids - ALL kids - and he's very good with them! And if someone he was interested in had a child, it wouldn't phase him a bit! In fact, he'd love it! And I think most men feel the same way that he does about it. I think that if a guy was bothered by the fact that she has a child, he's not that much of a bargain and he's not someone she'd want anyway!

 

[janebrain]

I agree about Nichole being wrong about no guy being interested because she has a child. I was a widow at 42 with 3 kids (one an almost teenage boy) and actually was juggling 3 guys I was dating once I started dating again. They didn't seem to mind at all that I had kids and I married one of them. He was divorced with 3 kids of his own who were pretty grown by then. He wanted to help--he didn't feel sorry for me but he felt bad that the kids' dad had died and he felt bad that I was raising them on my own. He has been a wonderful stepfather (and husband).

I think a lot of it is attitude--I acted confident and made sure the guys knew they were lucky I was going out with them! One guy I didn't go out with told me, " I don't mind that you have kids--I would still go out with you." Wow, thanks for the great favor!

Yay, Nichole--sounds like she has come such a long way!

Jane