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Duping delight.
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<blockquote data-quote="Deni D" data-source="post: 760358" data-attributes="member: 22840"><p>I've see this look, not from my son but from another young one in our neighborhood. At a certain point it was kind of like he wanted me to see how he was pretending to be innocent with a creepy sly smile on the side only for me to see, to let me know he was playing everyone with all of the crap he pulled to cause chaos in the neighborhood for other children, and there was nothing I could do about it. He had figured out I wasn't buying his bs but let me know with that very creepy side sly smile that he had control. He knew I was the only adult actually paying attention. It was not because of him, but because I was watching out for my own son's behavior and social appropriateness. </p><p></p><p>He was a menace, had others following him to keep from being snared in his web and being blamed for things he did. And then there were the innocent others who had no clue and got snared in his web. His parents fell for the craziest excuses for his behavior. As an example; he was often in physical fights, very often, excused by his supposedly having to "protect his sister". Funny though, not one other girl in the neighborhood needed to be protected by their brother getting into a physical fight with anyone, ever. Thankfully my son knew well enough to back off from him when he was looking for an excuse for a fight. He did many other things also, breaking things, sabotaging parties and successfully blaming others for all of his crap. Famously de-pantsing a very young girl on a trampoline and blaming another boy who was considered a good friend of his, who then got banned from being at most other houses in the neighborhood because her parents believed his lies about the other boy doing it. My son witnessed this bit but didn't have the power to speak up for the boy who took the fall for it. I could go on and on. I was so glad when they moved. There was something so very off with him. He's in jail now, has been in and out over the years. Having seen this look into the "devil's eyes" I just don't feel this "dupers delight" from what you say about your daughter. </p><p></p><p>To me it seems she's not doing amoral things and getting away with them for her delight, to screw with people, screw with you specifically. To me it seems she's lying about things saying she's behaving as she knows you would approve of, as she knows is right to do but is somehow stumpted on the follow through. At the core it's still lying though. And something I would be very put off about. In general I don't have much communication with people who I know lie to me, just can't trust someone who's not truthful. But in her case, because she's your daughter, I think I'd try to find a counselor who could give some insight to this kind of behavior specially from someone who lies to try to gain approval like it seems she does.</p><p></p><p>Please don't think I don't take it very seriously how devastating it is to you when someone you love so much behaves in such a manner. I get it, it's upside down and inside out. So different from anything we would expect from our adult children because it's just so alien from how we behave and how we raised them.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Deni D, post: 760358, member: 22840"] I've see this look, not from my son but from another young one in our neighborhood. At a certain point it was kind of like he wanted me to see how he was pretending to be innocent with a creepy sly smile on the side only for me to see, to let me know he was playing everyone with all of the crap he pulled to cause chaos in the neighborhood for other children, and there was nothing I could do about it. He had figured out I wasn't buying his bs but let me know with that very creepy side sly smile that he had control. He knew I was the only adult actually paying attention. It was not because of him, but because I was watching out for my own son's behavior and social appropriateness. He was a menace, had others following him to keep from being snared in his web and being blamed for things he did. And then there were the innocent others who had no clue and got snared in his web. His parents fell for the craziest excuses for his behavior. As an example; he was often in physical fights, very often, excused by his supposedly having to "protect his sister". Funny though, not one other girl in the neighborhood needed to be protected by their brother getting into a physical fight with anyone, ever. Thankfully my son knew well enough to back off from him when he was looking for an excuse for a fight. He did many other things also, breaking things, sabotaging parties and successfully blaming others for all of his crap. Famously de-pantsing a very young girl on a trampoline and blaming another boy who was considered a good friend of his, who then got banned from being at most other houses in the neighborhood because her parents believed his lies about the other boy doing it. My son witnessed this bit but didn't have the power to speak up for the boy who took the fall for it. I could go on and on. I was so glad when they moved. There was something so very off with him. He's in jail now, has been in and out over the years. Having seen this look into the "devil's eyes" I just don't feel this "dupers delight" from what you say about your daughter. To me it seems she's not doing amoral things and getting away with them for her delight, to screw with people, screw with you specifically. To me it seems she's lying about things saying she's behaving as she knows you would approve of, as she knows is right to do but is somehow stumpted on the follow through. At the core it's still lying though. And something I would be very put off about. In general I don't have much communication with people who I know lie to me, just can't trust someone who's not truthful. But in her case, because she's your daughter, I think I'd try to find a counselor who could give some insight to this kind of behavior specially from someone who lies to try to gain approval like it seems she does. Please don't think I don't take it very seriously how devastating it is to you when someone you love so much behaves in such a manner. I get it, it's upside down and inside out. So different from anything we would expect from our adult children because it's just so alien from how we behave and how we raised them. [/QUOTE]
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