End of rope

[sadmom7058]

Yesterday spoke to son’s lawyer, he is filing a continuance due to my sons recent marijuana extravaganza last week. I informed him of this and told him he needed to get back on track and that I would not go through this again. The late nights up wondering if he will be arrested, the huge knot of worry in my stomach all night hoping he is safe. I can’t do it again. Yesterday he got off work at 3pm and did not answer a single text from me. He came home at 12:30. When he got up for work this morning I told him to take his clothes and things with him. He said ok. That’s it, ok. I’m feeling so awful right now and he could truly care less. So sad, but I just can’t watch this destructive downward spiral again. I know how it ends, loss of job and getting arrested.

 

[RN0441]

Welcome

What is your story? How old is your son etc.? It helps if you put information in your signature so others can respond but we need to know more.

 

[Nflgirl]

Yesterday spoke to son’s lawyer, he is filing a continuance due to my sons recent marijuana extravaganza last week. I informed him of this and told him he needed to get back on track and that I would not go through this again. The late nights up wondering if he will be arrested, the huge knot of worry in my stomach all night hoping he is safe. I can’t do it again. Yesterday he got off work at 3pm and did not answer a single text from me. He came home at 12:30. When he got up for work this morning I told him to take his clothes and things with him. He said ok. That’s it, ok. I’m feeling so awful right now and he could truly care less. So sad, but I just can’t watch this destructive downward spiral again. I know how it ends, loss of job and getting arrested.

I feel for you. I kicked my son out of the house 2 weeks ago and am not sure I am doing the right thing. It is heartbreaking. My son is not doing drugs and has not ever been arrested......yet. He is working and couch surfing from what I understand.

 

[Elsi]

I know how it ends, loss of job and getting arrested.

Sadmom, as hard as this is, this may just be what has to happen. It has to end somewhere. It may be that an arrest is the wakeup call he needs. In any case, he is an adult, and making his own adult choices now. The best advice I can give you is to try to avoid the impulse to continue rescuing him from those choices. An arrest isn't the end of the world. A public defender instead of a fancy lawyer isn't the end of the world. A conviction isn't the end of the world. Court-mandated rehab isn't the end of the world. These are opportunities, for your son to learn from, or not. All of us here have done our best to try to teach our children. But some of our children can only be taught by the world. And the best thing we can do sometimes is to get out of the way and let that learning happen. I'm so sorry. I hope you're taking care of yourself now.

 

[RN0441]

Agree with Elsi.

We should not protect them from the consequences of their bad choices - ever.

It is hard to watch.

 

[elizabrary]

I know it is difficult but you did the right thing. He's an adult. He has to manage his life and live with the consequences he created. Now you need to shift your focus to you and work on managing your stress and doing nice things for yourself. I once read that enabling is doing something for an adult that they are capable of doing for themselves. If your son is like my daughter then he has to learn his lessons the hard way, but they are his lessons. Do things to keep your mind off of him and make yourself feel better. Hugs to you.

 

[Smithmom]

Good for you. You cannot let him take everything you have, emotionally, financially and in every other way. You need to set boundaries and stick to them. His choices, his consequences, not yours.

Stay strong. Take care of you.

 

[Triedntrue]

It is so hard to sit back and watch them fall but it is sometimes necessary . i have had a long hard struggle with my son and finaly said enough. He too has charges pending and has had many continuances. I quit paying the lawyer. I did pay for a psychiatric evaluation for court. The good part is he has not exploded at me , is working although he is not consistent and is learning albeit slowly to handle his own problems. I waited far too long to stop i hope that your son learns from this and you learn that it is ok.