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Parent Emeritus
Extreme Disappointment and Anger
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 760028" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Dear Miracle; there are similar aspects in our stories--but my son is 32 years old! </p><p></p><p>I think you are being kind and supportive. But you're human after all. Any parent would have feelings. After all, your life was upended too. And to have to use the money saved for his college, on mental health and drug treatment--is heartwrenching and maddening. Personally, I would be furious.</p><p></p><p>First. Is there Uber or Lfyt where you live? I would consider alternatives to his using the family car. Or at least give it hard thought. Is he demonstrating maturity, trustworthiness, responsibility, stability and self-control, to the extent that you are entirely confident that he will handle the vehicle with care, adhere to your limits, and use it safely?</p><p></p><p>I recognize you want him to work and he needs to work, but it can't be such that the solution could create more and worse problems.</p><p></p><p>I know how hard it is to live with them when they've adopted habits we don't approve up, when they feel entitled to have things their way, try to dominate or buck the system. With 7 other children you have a lot on the line. What about asking him to move out to a place that is close enough for him to walk or ride a bike to the job. For example in a sober living home. </p><p></p><p>Maybe I have become hard and cynical, but if he is mentally stable, why should your life become harder, and more complicated, because he has decided to act poorly. Of course--I am one to talk. My own son is mentally ill and I wonder if I will ever be out of the situation we are in. But in your case, if it's purely drugs, it's a different story. Your son may well be able to take on more responsibility for his day-to-day life. And he should, in my opinion. It's good for him. I became self-supporting and lived entirely on my own resources at 18. I learned from my mistakes. I don't think it was the worst thing.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 760028, member: 18958"] Dear Miracle; there are similar aspects in our stories--but my son is 32 years old! I think you are being kind and supportive. But you're human after all. Any parent would have feelings. After all, your life was upended too. And to have to use the money saved for his college, on mental health and drug treatment--is heartwrenching and maddening. Personally, I would be furious. First. Is there Uber or Lfyt where you live? I would consider alternatives to his using the family car. Or at least give it hard thought. Is he demonstrating maturity, trustworthiness, responsibility, stability and self-control, to the extent that you are entirely confident that he will handle the vehicle with care, adhere to your limits, and use it safely? I recognize you want him to work and he needs to work, but it can't be such that the solution could create more and worse problems. I know how hard it is to live with them when they've adopted habits we don't approve up, when they feel entitled to have things their way, try to dominate or buck the system. With 7 other children you have a lot on the line. What about asking him to move out to a place that is close enough for him to walk or ride a bike to the job. For example in a sober living home. Maybe I have become hard and cynical, but if he is mentally stable, why should your life become harder, and more complicated, because he has decided to act poorly. Of course--I am one to talk. My own son is mentally ill and I wonder if I will ever be out of the situation we are in. But in your case, if it's purely drugs, it's a different story. Your son may well be able to take on more responsibility for his day-to-day life. And he should, in my opinion. It's good for him. I became self-supporting and lived entirely on my own resources at 18. I learned from my mistakes. I don't think it was the worst thing. [/QUOTE]
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