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Parent Emeritus
Extreme Disappointment and Anger
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<blockquote data-quote="JayPee" data-source="post: 760044" data-attributes="member: 23405"><p>Miracle,</p><p></p><p>Trust me when I say I don't have all the answers but I think one of the many mistakes I made was trying to solve my two sons problems all the time. From the littlest to the biggest. I realize now that this created a lack of self worth in them. It's probably more work for me to allow them time to figure out a plan. I'm a person who has a plan a, b c etc. and I'm easily frustrated when someone doesn't even have a plan A! But that's on me and is part of my being the change in the situation.</p><p></p><p>I would suggest you sit down with your eldest son and ask him to think about what he thinks could be the solution. Ask him what he thinks he should be responsible for and to set out some guidelines for these things and a timeline for getting back to you on this.</p><p></p><p>Tell him you'd like his help with laundry, clean up of his room and figuring out an alternative plan for rides to and from work (maybe another co-worker lives on route..but there I go again finding the solutions <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite3" alt=":(" title="Frown :(" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":(" />) A very hard habit to break.</p><p></p><p>Anyways, you see what I mean. Try to put it back on him to find solutions and if they're somewhat "reasonable" encourage and praise him for these decisions.</p><p></p><p>It's not easy but not making him have to figure out how to make his situation better will just cause you to repeat mistakes with him...at least that's my experience. We want to fix the situation for them but we tend to take them out of the equation and take full responsibility to get the job done because in the short term it's easier but in reality it's not. We will only arrive at the same problem with a different scenario again.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="JayPee, post: 760044, member: 23405"] Miracle, Trust me when I say I don't have all the answers but I think one of the many mistakes I made was trying to solve my two sons problems all the time. From the littlest to the biggest. I realize now that this created a lack of self worth in them. It's probably more work for me to allow them time to figure out a plan. I'm a person who has a plan a, b c etc. and I'm easily frustrated when someone doesn't even have a plan A! But that's on me and is part of my being the change in the situation. I would suggest you sit down with your eldest son and ask him to think about what he thinks could be the solution. Ask him what he thinks he should be responsible for and to set out some guidelines for these things and a timeline for getting back to you on this. Tell him you'd like his help with laundry, clean up of his room and figuring out an alternative plan for rides to and from work (maybe another co-worker lives on route..but there I go again finding the solutions :() A very hard habit to break. Anyways, you see what I mean. Try to put it back on him to find solutions and if they're somewhat "reasonable" encourage and praise him for these decisions. It's not easy but not making him have to figure out how to make his situation better will just cause you to repeat mistakes with him...at least that's my experience. We want to fix the situation for them but we tend to take them out of the equation and take full responsibility to get the job done because in the short term it's easier but in reality it's not. We will only arrive at the same problem with a different scenario again. [/QUOTE]
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