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Extremely jealous 10 year old girl
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 731722" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>This child had very unstable early years, such as most adopted children who are in the system. She was not cared for properly for years and years. We adopted a boy like her.</p><p></p><p>First of all she needs to see a neuo psychologist (a psychologist with training in the brain) to evaluate her to see if she is affected by prenatal drug or alcohol use. This changes the brain. It is necessary of you want to know how to best help her and have realistic expectations of her. A therapist or pediatrician or even a psychiatrist is not best for this sort of testing.</p><p></p><p>2. Our love does not cure our kids who were mistreated early on. Yes, we thought it did too bit it doesn't. Most likely this child has insecure attachment to full attachment disorder. I urge you to research this.perhaps read Nancy Thomas books. She understands and also has suggestions. Look up attachment disorder on the internet...all you can find.</p><p></p><p> This child shows strong signs of this inability to bond normally. Then find an attachment Psychologist. Home remedies don't help this. It goes very deep snd can last forever if you don't address it and sometimes even if you do. But do your best. This is about her horrible neglect/abuse way before she even met you, but you can't heal her alone. You can not give her back those early years or love her well enough to make those years go away. Yes, I thought we could too.</p><p></p><p>Why are you surprised that she is angry at your kids who always had love? It is very logical to her.</p><p></p><p>I strongly urge you to take both suggestions seriously and to believe there is no easy fix or that her infancy until you got her will disappear if you just love her enough. Our child got so dangerous we had to make him leave. That may not happen to this child but you owe her professional intervention and to acknowledge that she can not nor will not behave toward anyone/anything like your children. A child's first three years are crucial to well being.</p><p></p><p>If you know Mom drank and did drugs while pregnant than get her in ASAP for an evaluation. Adoption agencies usually know the psychologists who know how to do therapy with children who had early neglect and trauma. Call one to find out where to go for that.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry. This won't be fast or easy or something you can do alone. Nor is it simple jealousy. Although jealousy is probably part of it but the bigger picture is the early neglect or abuse or both of herself. And inner anger that is intense. An infant who can't count on somebody to care for her changes....</p><p></p><p>If this is affecting your other kids that is not good or fair.</p><p></p><p> Her family can't care for her? None of them? Does she see them at all? She could move on to hurting your kids, your pets (our child killed our dog), setting fires, pooping all over....the nonstop lying and destruction are parts of attachment problems. Her family is old school? Not taking care of an infant is old school? I think they are just afraid of what you may learn. If this were me I would ask for full guardianship to make all decisions about her or I wouldn't do it. If they still want to control her, let them raise her. Makes no sense. You can't help her to the max if they are sniffing over your shoulder being obstructive.</p><p></p><p>Love and light.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 731722, member: 1550"] This child had very unstable early years, such as most adopted children who are in the system. She was not cared for properly for years and years. We adopted a boy like her. First of all she needs to see a neuo psychologist (a psychologist with training in the brain) to evaluate her to see if she is affected by prenatal drug or alcohol use. This changes the brain. It is necessary of you want to know how to best help her and have realistic expectations of her. A therapist or pediatrician or even a psychiatrist is not best for this sort of testing. 2. Our love does not cure our kids who were mistreated early on. Yes, we thought it did too bit it doesn't. Most likely this child has insecure attachment to full attachment disorder. I urge you to research this.perhaps read Nancy Thomas books. She understands and also has suggestions. Look up attachment disorder on the internet...all you can find. This child shows strong signs of this inability to bond normally. Then find an attachment Psychologist. Home remedies don't help this. It goes very deep snd can last forever if you don't address it and sometimes even if you do. But do your best. This is about her horrible neglect/abuse way before she even met you, but you can't heal her alone. You can not give her back those early years or love her well enough to make those years go away. Yes, I thought we could too. Why are you surprised that she is angry at your kids who always had love? It is very logical to her. I strongly urge you to take both suggestions seriously and to believe there is no easy fix or that her infancy until you got her will disappear if you just love her enough. Our child got so dangerous we had to make him leave. That may not happen to this child but you owe her professional intervention and to acknowledge that she can not nor will not behave toward anyone/anything like your children. A child's first three years are crucial to well being. If you know Mom drank and did drugs while pregnant than get her in ASAP for an evaluation. Adoption agencies usually know the psychologists who know how to do therapy with children who had early neglect and trauma. Call one to find out where to go for that. I am sorry. This won't be fast or easy or something you can do alone. Nor is it simple jealousy. Although jealousy is probably part of it but the bigger picture is the early neglect or abuse or both of herself. And inner anger that is intense. An infant who can't count on somebody to care for her changes.... If this is affecting your other kids that is not good or fair. Her family can't care for her? None of them? Does she see them at all? She could move on to hurting your kids, your pets (our child killed our dog), setting fires, pooping all over....the nonstop lying and destruction are parts of attachment problems. Her family is old school? Not taking care of an infant is old school? I think they are just afraid of what you may learn. If this were me I would ask for full guardianship to make all decisions about her or I wouldn't do it. If they still want to control her, let them raise her. Makes no sense. You can't help her to the max if they are sniffing over your shoulder being obstructive. Love and light. [/QUOTE]
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