Feeling like something bad is gonna happen.

[Californiablonde]

I have had a rough last three days anxiety wise. Both kids were at their dad's for the weekend so I was hoping to enjoy some relaxing down time with my boyfriend. Instead I fought off some pretty bad panic attacks all weekend and today they are still here. Yesterday afternoon I got myself so worked up when I was driving with my boyfriend and he had to pull over so I could throw up. Since then the anxiety has only gotten worse, and all the vomiting irritated my stomach so I've been having bad heartburn and indigestion. I can say that I really empathize with difficult child right now. If she feels even half as bad with her ulcers then I feel sorry for her and the pain she must be going through. Bad anxiety plus stomach issues = no fun. And I can't shake this feeling that something really bad is about to happen. I don't know what it is exactly. I don't know if it involves my kids or me or what. But the feeling is intense and I'm even afraid to go to sleep at night for fear that something bad is going to happen. I hope this is just a bad phase and goes away quickly. It's still a long ways till Friday and I'm just hoping to make it to the end of the week in one piece. So if you all could send good vibes my way or say prayers I would greatly appreciate it. Right now I can't get rid of this yucky feeling and I'm feeling pretty miserable. Hoping my bad feeling is just anxiety and not a premonition.

 

[Hound dog]

Been feeling the same way.

I went out and stocked up more food/supplies. Made me feel better. lol

It's what I do when I get "that feeling". Of course it may not do a thing to help if that "bad feeling" comes to pass.........but at the very least it makes me feel like I'm doing something proactive.

Sending good juju and keeping fingers crossed it's nothing more than anxiety.

 

[Californiablonde]

Usually at work these bad feelings go away but today I'm feeling anxious while I'm sitting in the office. I will be lucky to make it through till Friday at this point. Usually my job isn't affected so that's what's scaring me the most right now.

 

[recoveringenabler]

CB, take some action, anything, go for a long walk, take a bath, go to the market, do some deep breathing exercises, that really helps with fear because we tend to shallow breathe when we are afraid. Taking some action can break the spell of fear. Fear is like a force which envelops you and gets worse if you allow it to take over your feelings because it multiplies and amplifies those feelings of scary stuff. Hound Dog going out and buying supplies is a good example of breaking the spell.

Right now, take 3-4 very deep breathes, as you are doing that, concentrate on your toes, relax your toes, then take a breath and focus on your legs, relax your legs, keep going up your body, breathing deeply as you focus on different body parts.......arms, fingers, torso, shoulders, neck, head. All the while taking slow deep breaths. Every time you feel that anxiety coming on, stop, breathe, focus on your body and practice relaxing each part of your body. Breathing deeply relaxes the body, in spite of the efforts of the mind to scare us.........sending good thoughts for your serenity.......

 

[buddy]

You guys are so good.

Sending you strength and hugs cb! Anxiety stinks. I'm sorry your facing that.

 

[BusynMember]

Hi. Chances are that this "bad feeling" is part of your anxiety. Take it from one who has diagnosis. of both panic disorder and generalized anxiety disorder. Sometimes I would feel really weird just before I was going to hit a bad depression...so be careful of your medication, eating well, sleeping well. Maybe you are more worried about your difficult child than you even know. I do think taking walks, maybe with boyfriend, hot bubble baths, soothing music (I actualy put on MTV on the classical musical channel when I'm stressed) and maybe trying yoga or something like it would help you. If you need to call in one sick day, your personal "mental health" day...why not? Hugs and please keep us posted.

 

[DammitJanet]

When my anxiety hits really bad...and trust me its been doing that lately...I do things just for me. I am addicted to sherbet. I also have an addiction to computer games and window shopping on ebay. I also have a playlist that I simply love of songs from my teen years that carry me back to better times that I have on my phone and I put on my earbuds and play them as loud as I want.

 

[nerfherder]

What helps me sometimes is thinking of all the bad things that can happen, writing them down and listing all the things I can do to either be prepared or know that I have the ability to manage and muddle or plan through them.

(Also reminding myself of how I can stay calm and functional when bad things *do* happen, it's only after when we're all cleaning the brown stuff off the fanblades that I go all fetal. )

 

[Dixies_fire]

Part of my cognitive behavior therapy was identifying negative self fulfilling prophesy in my thinking. It helped with the anxiety some. But I don't know of this is what's going on with you. But for example:

Dixie wakes up thinks about things that have to be done today, thinks to self have to go to formation and draw weapons.
Inner thought * I hate drawing weapons because I have to issue them and it takes five hours and I have an appointment and what if we aren't done issuing weapons for the range? They aren't going to let me go to my appointment if I don't go to my appointment it will take me another month to be seen by xyz doctor. This is going to suck*
Anxiety spike, bad mood spike result I am ****** off before work.

^thought I should be having: Dixie wakes up. I have to issue weapons for range today and I have appointment at 10 am. I should tell sgt x that I have this appointment so it does not become an issue. I should bring food to the arms room because I get cranky when I can't eat or have my soda, and take my durn pill^

Much better thought.

Also when I have a nagging "I forgot something" feeling I make lists of all the things I was supposed to do, generally the task would come to me once I was jogging my memory.
Once I remembered what I was failing at I felt better.

The cognitive thing only works when you start catching the bad thought and being relentless about it. *man the sky is gray it looks like snow I hate snow, I hate driving in it and I hate doing physical training in it*

*man the sky is gray looks like snow coffee and a movie in front of the couch sounds great, maybe they will call off work early if it snows.*

I hope anything helps!

 

[Bunny]

Deep breathing tends to help me when I'm feeling overwhelmed and anxious. Read a book that you love because it will help take your mind off of things. A good, long walk while listening to your favorite music always helps to clear the mind, too.

*I hope that you're feeling better today.

 

[Californiablonde]

Thank you for all your help and support, ladies. I am feeling a bit better today but I know that when bedtime hits the bad feelings will probably be back. Lately I have been terrified to fall asleep for fear of something bad happening. I saw a Dateline type special awhile ago and they had two people who killed loved ones in their sleep while sleepwalking. I can't get that fear outta my head, even though my psychiatrist tells me I have a better chance of getting struck by lightening than to sleepwalk and harm my children. No matter how hard he tries to talk me out of it I can't shake this bad feeling. So I just pray every night before bedtime that my family remains safe. And the feeling has only gotten worse in the last few days so that's why I'm thinking it's a premonition of things to come. I know it's probably just the anxiety talking, but once I get an idea in my head, good luck getting it out. That's the Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) part of me that has been malfunctioning since Zoloft stopped working for me two years ago. That stuff worked like a charm for years and years then I just became immune to it. Nothing I have tried to replace it has helped. My last psychiatrist and this new one tell me they are running out of options. So now I'm in therapy. My last therapist was a cognitive behavior therapist and he was working on giving me techniques to relieve my anxiety and obsessive thoughts. He moved away a year ago and I've forgotten everything he taught me. So I have a new one but he is not a cognitive behavioral therapist. He basically just listens to my problems and nods his head a lot and gives me advice when he can. But he doesn't get the whole anxiety issue with me. The only advice he's given me is to listen to classical music but when my thougths get obsessive music does nothing to help me. So I think I need to find a better therapist. This one is nice and all, but just not very helpful.

 

[Californiablonde]

Was doing good all day today and now that it's time to leave work and go home I'm a wreck. I am dreading bedtime. Wish me luck. I just wanna get this week over already.

 

[InsaneCdn]

Pick up the book "feeling good" by Dr. Burns... it's the DIY version of CBT... might give you some reminders of what you were working on, and maybe some other stuff to try?

 

[Liahona]

Good luck tonight. Hope you sleep well.

 

[Californiablonde]

I slept terribly last night. Fell asleep around 8:30 then woke up at 12:20 and couldn't get back to sleep. Lack of sleep is one big huge anxiety inducer for me and I'm really feeling it now. I also read up online that lack of sleep can induce sleepwalking so now I'm even more paranoid to sleep tonight. I see my therapist today. Usually when I bring up my anxiety we usually get side tracked and start talking about the kids or work and my real issues get left in the dust. Today I'm going to walk in there with an agenda and sit down right away and tell him how bad my fears are getting. I am hoping he can do more than just nod his head and agree with whatever I say. If he seems like he is not helping then I will have to look for someone else. I hate therapist shopping but I don't want to be wasting my money either. For now I'm just praying that I get through these next few nights without something bad happening or me falling apart.

 

[DammitJanet]

CB....have you tried ambien? Or melatonin? Do you have a Walmart near you? There is something there called Dream Water (I think that is the name) that works like a charm. If you see this stuff you will know what I am talking about. It comes in a little bottle that looks like an energy drink. Not sure if it comes in a larger bottle but I hope it does, I have only used the one dose bottles that look like energy drinks. You drink those and I swear you will be out like a light for all night. They are just a natural sleep aid with melatonin and other vitamins in it. If something can get me to sleep its saying something.

I would also try a white noise machine using something relaxing or one of those basic relaxation CD's that teach you how to almost meditate where you start to relax from the toes up. I do think your worry about sleepwalking and killing your kids is something that you have fixated on and you need to find a way to replace that worry. Do something to prove to yourself that couldnt happen. Have your daughter sleep with her door shut and put jingle bells on the door nob. That would wake up if you got up to go in her room so you can relax and not worry about it.

 

[Californiablonde]

My daughter and I share a room and that makes it harder. I'm afraid I am going to get up outta my bed and walk a few feet away to where her bed is and do something bad. I just talked to my therapist about it yesterday and he did nothing much except tell me my thoughts are irriational which is something I already know. Logically I know I am being irriational but I still can't stop the obsessive thoughts. Zoloft used to work wonders for me for years until it suddenly stopped working a couple of years ago. I have tried multiple medications with no luck. I asked my therapist if he had any techniques for me when I have these thoughts but he says he's not a cognitive behavior therapist so basically I have to try and manage these thoughts on my own. I have talked to my bipolar support group about this and many of them agree that it's time for me to find a new therapist. medications aren't working and I can't keep obsessing like this so I need to find other ways to manage it. So I am going to go therapy shopping once again. I have had real bad luck in the past with other therapists and I am dreading having to find another one, but right now I feel like I'm wasting my money on somebody who admits they can't help me. I slept badly again last night so I will try and see if I can find that dream water you are talking about, Janet. I've already tried Ambien, Lunesta, and Restoril and they didn't help me. Normally my Saphris knocks me out pretty good all night long but for the last couple of days it hasn't helped much. So I am open to any suggestions for something that will help me sleep through the night.

 

[BusynMember]

CB, I think I had a bit of that Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) that you did before I got on the SSRI that worked. I used to be afraid that I'd throw myself out a window or, when I was at a concert on the first row balcony once, that I'd jump off the balcony. I was afraid the entire concert. Other times I'd be afraid I'd throw myself in front of speeding traffic. After I had kids, strangely I never worried that I'd hurt THEm, although that's a common obsession, but I did still worry about feeling compelled to do things to myself that would leave my children orphans (my ex was not a very good father). I can not remember exactly what my psychiatrist called these thoughts. I called them "baaaaaaaaaaaad thoughts" lol. They scared me though so they weren't funny. I think they were considered part of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) which is part of anxiety disorder, so it made tons of sense.

I recall being massively reassured that no matter how much I thought about these things and no matter how much I was afraid I'd do them I never would and I never did. And you won't hurt your daughter either. If you feel better doing it, can you sleep somewhere else?

I think buying "Feeling Good" like IC suggested may help you. Also, probably a CBT would get your emotions under control better than just a talk therapist. At the very least, CBT and DBT always worked best for me and we seem to have similar problems. At least, SOME are similar

 

[InsaneCdn]

Every evening, sit down and write out your fears. Putting them on paper brings them out to the "daylight" where you can look at them, evaluate them, and put them in perspective.

If they are things you can do something about - do it. For example, I had to add a round-the-house lock-down check every night.... and I stopped waking at 2 a.m. in a panic about unlocked doors, which there never was any but checking it before I go to bed means I can put the "thought" to bed too.

 

[HaoZi]

Sounds like a good book. There are several versions available on Amazon though, which is the correct one? I picked one and bought it for less than $5 including shipping (a used one). I'm hoping it'll be helpful not just to me but also something I can hand down to Storm later when she's ready for it.