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Feeling Sad---Son is Homeless
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 661914" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Hang in there, Feeling Sad. Hang in there. </p><p></p><p> Just work hard to take it all just...one day at a time. If circumstances warrant, you can do something different. You can always change your mind and change what you are doing.</p><p></p><p>It's sometimes helpful to write things down. Like one person on this forum writes it all down, so when she starts thinking about "helping" she first goes and rereads the whole horrible story to remind herself that well...maybe not. </p><p></p><p>I used to write exactly what I would say if the phone rang and it was him. Things like:</p><p></p><p>***I'm sure you'll figure it out.</p><p>***I'm sorry that happened.</p><p>***I'm sure that was _____ (scary, awful, hot, cold, frustrating...fill in the blank).</p><p>***I love you.</p><p></p><p>I always tried to say I love you at least once or twice. For myself. I wanted to have said it, if it was the last time I spoke to him. I also wanted to be vigilant about hearing a change if there ever was going to be a change. I asked my husband: How will I know if he has changed? He said, Oh, believe me, you'll know. The tone, the words, the everything will be different. And he was right. </p><p></p><p>Most of the time, we "awfulize" which means, we think in black and white terms, always, never, should, shouldn't. "It will always be this way." "The worst will happen." </p><p></p><p>Most of the time, none of that ever happens. Things continue to morph and change, and then we have to see if the circumstances warrant any change in us. Most of the time, they don't, but there is always that possibility.</p><p></p><p>I think that is hard, always having to think and decide. It would be easier on us to either say all in or no more. But I guess that isn't life, at least life with a Difficult Child.</p><p></p><p>We're here for you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 661914, member: 17542"] Hang in there, Feeling Sad. Hang in there. Just work hard to take it all just...one day at a time. If circumstances warrant, you can do something different. You can always change your mind and change what you are doing. It's sometimes helpful to write things down. Like one person on this forum writes it all down, so when she starts thinking about "helping" she first goes and rereads the whole horrible story to remind herself that well...maybe not. I used to write exactly what I would say if the phone rang and it was him. Things like: ***I'm sure you'll figure it out. ***I'm sorry that happened. ***I'm sure that was _____ (scary, awful, hot, cold, frustrating...fill in the blank). ***I love you. I always tried to say I love you at least once or twice. For myself. I wanted to have said it, if it was the last time I spoke to him. I also wanted to be vigilant about hearing a change if there ever was going to be a change. I asked my husband: How will I know if he has changed? He said, Oh, believe me, you'll know. The tone, the words, the everything will be different. And he was right. Most of the time, we "awfulize" which means, we think in black and white terms, always, never, should, shouldn't. "It will always be this way." "The worst will happen." Most of the time, none of that ever happens. Things continue to morph and change, and then we have to see if the circumstances warrant any change in us. Most of the time, they don't, but there is always that possibility. I think that is hard, always having to think and decide. It would be easier on us to either say all in or no more. But I guess that isn't life, at least life with a Difficult Child. We're here for you. [/QUOTE]
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