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Feeling Sad---Son is Homeless
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<blockquote data-quote="Sunnydaysarebest" data-source="post: 750411" data-attributes="member: 24278"><p>Hi- new to this site but not new to this struggle. Dipping a toe in as this discussion string shakes me to the bone, having made some very very difficult choices years ago that I was sure were mine alone. I’m heartbroken that no strides have been made in this country to make our mental health system any better than it was for me. My son was diagnosed with schizophrenia officially at 20, Upon diagnosis His therapist advised me to let him go, that those diagnosed with his illness used to be locked up in an institution for life. I did not believe it at the time and I loved him so very much. Despite hospitalizations, chaos, medicine changes, programs, violence and therapy (his and mine), I lost him to the streets at 22. Last time we spoke, he accused me of being jealous of his freedom, which made me smile a little as at that time I was a mom with two younger kids, a workaholic husband and a full time job. My son turned 40 last March. I have not seen or heard from him in 18 years....until 3 weeks ago when I was contacted by a community officer in a state thousands of miles away. I’m so relieved that he is alive. The officer sent me his picture and despite all this time, he looks like him. Still thin but wearing a clean shirt and shaven, with the hard dark suspicious eyes of that horrible illness. The last three weeks I keep waiting for my thoughts to settle. He is currently serving 120 day sentence for trespassing. Reading through this string, looking for anything to help me with the decision on what to do, it brings back the terrible struggle of those long past decisions, the heartbreak and sadness of not knowing, and the ‘what should I do??’ situations that reveals no clear path. Today I remain frozen.. a letter partially written.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Sunnydaysarebest, post: 750411, member: 24278"] Hi- new to this site but not new to this struggle. Dipping a toe in as this discussion string shakes me to the bone, having made some very very difficult choices years ago that I was sure were mine alone. I’m heartbroken that no strides have been made in this country to make our mental health system any better than it was for me. My son was diagnosed with schizophrenia officially at 20, Upon diagnosis His therapist advised me to let him go, that those diagnosed with his illness used to be locked up in an institution for life. I did not believe it at the time and I loved him so very much. Despite hospitalizations, chaos, medicine changes, programs, violence and therapy (his and mine), I lost him to the streets at 22. Last time we spoke, he accused me of being jealous of his freedom, which made me smile a little as at that time I was a mom with two younger kids, a workaholic husband and a full time job. My son turned 40 last March. I have not seen or heard from him in 18 years....until 3 weeks ago when I was contacted by a community officer in a state thousands of miles away. I’m so relieved that he is alive. The officer sent me his picture and despite all this time, he looks like him. Still thin but wearing a clean shirt and shaven, with the hard dark suspicious eyes of that horrible illness. The last three weeks I keep waiting for my thoughts to settle. He is currently serving 120 day sentence for trespassing. Reading through this string, looking for anything to help me with the decision on what to do, it brings back the terrible struggle of those long past decisions, the heartbreak and sadness of not knowing, and the ‘what should I do??’ situations that reveals no clear path. Today I remain frozen.. a letter partially written. [/QUOTE]
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