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<blockquote data-quote="Deni D" data-source="post: 759863" data-attributes="member: 22840"><p>Nomad, from my experience, as a birth mother, of a son who has bipolar disorder inherited from his father I can tell you my son has tried to connect as much as he could to his father and his family through the years.</p><p></p><p>Nature has won hands down over nurture in my son's case. It didn't matter how disconnected and uncaring my son's father and his family acted towards him. It didn't matter how much caring, effort and actual love, were shown on my part towards my son from his years as a baby, very young child, throughout all of his years he had with me. It seems he somehow felt he belonged more to others than to me and my family, like they were his people. Not me and my family who have shown through the years how much he belongs and is loved with no judgement but accepted as the individual he is. </p><p></p><p>My view with this situation has been it's a "you always want what you can't have" kind of thing. But who knows, maybe it's more about thinking you'd be more accepted, if you were, by those who you are more alike. People who have the same challenges you have. I think in my son's case he has not gotten what he was looking for from his father's side of the family because even though they acknowledge the mental illness in the family to themselves, they cannot tolerate the fact that it regenerates through the generations, as if it's some fault of theirs and not biological. For that I forgive them and understand I don't know if I could handle it if my son's bipolar disorder was caused from genetics from me, something I felt I inflicted on him without any ability to do otherwise. I know my son's father couldn't handle trying to guide him into adulthood while dealing with the guilt he felt. I know because he told me he felt horrible that he "gave" it to my son. </p><p></p><p>And I also have not found a way to help my son from the outside in once he was no longer young and under my control. </p><p></p><p>My son took his medication and did exceptionally well in school and with extracurricular social activities but not so much actual social connections. I think when social connections became important to my son, or rather his lack of, was when things went really sideways for my him. Since then he's seemed to be trying to find himself as he's been trying to find his place and way in the world. It was when he hit this time he seemed to become very absorbed with his disconnected father and his father's disconnected relatives and also rejected myself and my family members in a very nasty way. </p><p></p><p>We will be there if and when my son ever rights himself. I'm grateful, even though my family does not understand what he's about these days, they care about him and will welcome him back if he decides he wants back with the people who care about him someday. </p><p></p><p>For me these days space and acceptance of "what is" seems to be my thing. Space to let my son work his stuff out, and acceptance of reality as it is. Also acceptance that things will or will not work out as I want them but hopefully as they need to for my son. I hope things work out as they need to for your daughter.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Deni D, post: 759863, member: 22840"] Nomad, from my experience, as a birth mother, of a son who has bipolar disorder inherited from his father I can tell you my son has tried to connect as much as he could to his father and his family through the years. Nature has won hands down over nurture in my son's case. It didn't matter how disconnected and uncaring my son's father and his family acted towards him. It didn't matter how much caring, effort and actual love, were shown on my part towards my son from his years as a baby, very young child, throughout all of his years he had with me. It seems he somehow felt he belonged more to others than to me and my family, like they were his people. Not me and my family who have shown through the years how much he belongs and is loved with no judgement but accepted as the individual he is. My view with this situation has been it's a "you always want what you can't have" kind of thing. But who knows, maybe it's more about thinking you'd be more accepted, if you were, by those who you are more alike. People who have the same challenges you have. I think in my son's case he has not gotten what he was looking for from his father's side of the family because even though they acknowledge the mental illness in the family to themselves, they cannot tolerate the fact that it regenerates through the generations, as if it's some fault of theirs and not biological. For that I forgive them and understand I don't know if I could handle it if my son's bipolar disorder was caused from genetics from me, something I felt I inflicted on him without any ability to do otherwise. I know my son's father couldn't handle trying to guide him into adulthood while dealing with the guilt he felt. I know because he told me he felt horrible that he "gave" it to my son. And I also have not found a way to help my son from the outside in once he was no longer young and under my control. My son took his medication and did exceptionally well in school and with extracurricular social activities but not so much actual social connections. I think when social connections became important to my son, or rather his lack of, was when things went really sideways for my him. Since then he's seemed to be trying to find himself as he's been trying to find his place and way in the world. It was when he hit this time he seemed to become very absorbed with his disconnected father and his father's disconnected relatives and also rejected myself and my family members in a very nasty way. We will be there if and when my son ever rights himself. I'm grateful, even though my family does not understand what he's about these days, they care about him and will welcome him back if he decides he wants back with the people who care about him someday. For me these days space and acceptance of "what is" seems to be my thing. Space to let my son work his stuff out, and acceptance of reality as it is. Also acceptance that things will or will not work out as I want them but hopefully as they need to for my son. I hope things work out as they need to for your daughter. [/QUOTE]
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