I can not work harder than my daughter to fix her disorder. I seem to do all the work to help her and she does nothing to help herself. I have deleted most of the web sites about disordered conduct except this one, I cannot keep trying to make the changes in her that only she can make. It felt good to delete the websites and as I deleted them I was deleting the feeling responsible for her horrible decissions. At almost 36 years of age, something in her brain needs to kick in. I told my daughter that I will be renting the house that I own and that she needs to move out or if she is lucky the new renters may let her stay. She decided to ask a 24 year old woman with 3 kids move in. I know this woman and really like her at 24 she is 3x more mature than my daughter. My daughter was saying how the three kids will mess up the house, really? Her pig pen boyfriend has grease all over the walls, does everything 1/2 a-- and is disrespectful. No matter what the 3 kids do it will not be as bad. I will make sure that the 24 year old will be comfortable. She decided to be roommates with my daughter. One of the reasons I have tolerated my daughters BS for so many years is that deep down I was afraid she was going to die... I have to remember something very important. After my son died his spirit told me that your day to die is just that, your day to die and nothing and nobody can do anything about it. For several years, before she met her last boyfriend she was doing ok. She was working full time and paying her bills and she was active in many great things. Since the boyfriend it has been a steady downwards spiral. While in her good years we helped her financially, we bought a nice home for her to rent with the possibility to own, a car, helped with her college loans, put money in her bank account when low, groceries, clothes etc. She was grateful and appreciated the help and tried to balance things out. We did not feel taken advantage of or used because of the graditude and her trying to make things right and balanced. Now she expects us to support her 42 year old boyfriend. I think the reason it has taken us so long to take the bull by the horns is because we had a several years of her being responsible and we thought that is how it would be moving forward. I had no idea that an almost 36 years of age would continue to make horrible decisions especially when she had to suffer so deeply over the same stupid decisions in her 20s. I know her love hormones cause her to not think straight but she is going to have to learn how to get a grip, and nothing I do or say will make it change.. I know that as truth that is why I am deleting all the self help stuff I study. My guidance, help or anything that comes from me will be fruitless to her.. The sooner I understand this the better it will be for all involved. Today, like each day I am working on detatching financially. I know so much grief and stress will leave once I check off all the things on my list to detach from. I will not worry and I will place everything in God's hands and enjoy my life instead of trying to fix, help, assist, etc. I know walking off goes against the way I am built inside but it has to be done to restore order. Sometimes help is NOT help. I am gaining strength from this support group and the new Church. I have felt like a door mat for too long. I have been going through many changes, all good positive changes, hard changes, some of them make me cry but they are still forward moving and in the long run best for all involved. My husband did not look good this week end. He was pale and tired. His job is stressful and he always says what I am trying to fix is even more stressful. Today I feel stronger. More grounded. My son's death comes in waves and it is getting close to his death date. I will call on his spirit to help me. I will cry when I need to and then get my head on straight. My daughter tells me all the time that her and boyfriend are really not together. I know they are off and on all the time keeping each other stuck. My daughter tells me that BS so I will think she is single and try to help her financially. My plan of action helps gound me. I see resolve in the future. I see that my preditor daughter can smell this change and have no choice but to grow or stay stuck but not on my dime.