Friend's son is on life support

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by RN0441, Jul 16, 2019.

  1. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    My good friend's son just overdosed on heroin on Saturday and is on life support. He is 26. He probably is not going to make it and they will be removing him from life support soon.

    He had been sober for over six months and was working. My friend and I just emailed each other last week to touch base on "our boys" and she said fingers crossed he was doing well (she's in Chicago and I'm in Alabama). He had been in rehab which he seemed to embrace and was going to meetings too. He seemed different this time.

    She came to me when she first suspected drug use about five years ago because she knew what we were dealing with. She didn't like a lot of the things that I told her that I had learned. She ignored it for a long time in her home which to me enabled her son to get deeper and deeper into it. She is a single parent and she didn't know how to deal with it which I get. None of us do.

    I am trying to be there for her the best that I can emotionally. I did not think I would know someone that would lose their child to this disease. I had prepared myself for the worst case scenario by going to therapy where I also learned self care, self compassion, boundaries and detachment. I am very thankful that I did this because it did help tremendously. She did not enmesh herself in this so I am very worried about how she will cope.

    If you pray, please pray for a miracle for her son and if the Lord takes him please pray for her.

    Thank you.
  2. BloodiedButUnbowed

    BloodiedButUnbowed Active Member

    As you know my family lived through a similar hell. Our son miraculously survived and I will pray for the same outcome here.
  3. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    Very sorry for your friend and her son.

    Prayers for a good outcome.

    Let us know how he is doing when you can.

  4. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Dear RN

    I feel so sad for your friend. I am so very sorry. I am a single parent too. What she has gone through and is going through is too hard for me to imagine. I will pray for a miracle for her son. I am glad for her son that he had the period of sobriety and recovery before this relapse. But I worry for your friend. Does she have loving and supportive family and friends nearby her?
  5. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Today they are checking on brain activity. Still in a holding pattern. I guess removing someone from life support takes many many steps which I'm sure is a good thing but agonizing for a parent.

    She has a boyfriend and some friends but has never had any training or therapy on addiction and boundaries or detachment so I fear this is going to be very difficult for her. She chose not to deal with her son's addiction and educate herself which to me is self preservation. I was probably her biggest source of support and information and I am far away. I led her to this site some time ago but she could not handle it; reading about what everyone was dealing with was too much. Al-anon she also did not embrace.
  6. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the update.

    Still hoping for the best.
  7. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    So yesterday was a good day for him!!

    He is responding to commands and squeezed the nurses hand when she asked. So he is not brain dead and his organs seem to be okay.

    She had been told he "wasn't going to make it/organs shutting down" on Saturday and Sunday. Of course many, many prayers have been said for him so I think it was God's will that he get another chance.

    I can only hope he continues to improve.

    Thanks to all that prayed for him. I'm sure that it was nothing short of a miracle!!!
  8. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    That is why they are slow to take people off of life support.

    More than a decade ago, my step-dad was on life support and they were saying that he could pass any minute. They were preparing my mom for the possibility that she may have to take him off of life support.

    I encouraged her to not let herself be pushed into doing it, and give him every chance to recover.

    He woke up and had no brain damage and is still with us and enjoying life. It truly was a miracle.

    Praying that your friend’s son recovers and this is the wake up call he needs to turn his life around!
  9. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    It is truly something that sometimes doctors don't even really know. He was not responding for almost four days. I'm sure she thought that was it.

    They seem to always prepare you for the worst which in some ways puts so much undue stress on you. Why not just leave some hope. I don't get that.
  10. BloodiedButUnbowed

    BloodiedButUnbowed Active Member

    I am so happy to hear that this young man has responded to the life saving interventions he received. How well I remember being in this exact situation with YS. I will continue to pray for him.
  11. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Thank you. I know it was divine intervention!
  12. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Please continue to pray. He only responded on Wednesday but now unresponsive to commands. They are going to meet with doctors on Monday to discuss.

    I'm so depressed over this. I have never known anyone personally that had to go through this. I just never imagined....
  13. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Gosh. I am not getting alerts of new posts on this thread and did not realize you were continuing to post updates. I am sick at heart for these twists and turns and don't have the knowledge to understand why this would happen. His being able to summon presence and then falling back. This is heart-breaking. I will continue to pray. What else can we do?

    People stay in comas for a long time and then return with full faculties and capacities, like Apple describes. So, he shall too, praying to g-d. Please tell this mother if you can that people all over are praying for her and her child.


    I just read this on a site for nurses. The question was about how is it that somebody can awake from a coma or supposed brain-dead state and then fall back into it:

    They wake up for just minutes the first few times, and they might not even remember they were awake before. Slowly, the time they can remain awake increases. How long the process takes will depend on the patient, how deep the coma was, what caused it, how long it lasted, the state of the brain....


    He had to have woken up some. Or else how could he have listened to, interpreted and responded to the commands. I don't think somebody who is unconscious can do these things. There has to have been some kind of will. Whatever happened, it is a good sign, I hope. I will pray that by Monday before she speaks with the doctors that he will respond again. ​
    Last edited: Jul 19, 2019
  14. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    I don't think he was ever "awake" but did respond to some commands and squeezed the nurses hand on command. I didn't even ask her for an update yesterday because I thought he was on the mend...
  15. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    They pulled him off life support on Friday. He lasted about six hours.

    He died Friday on my friend's deceased BFF's birthday.

    She buried him yesterday on her OWN birthday.

    So very sad. Only 27. He had been sober about five months. He was working. Things were looking up.

    He had used heroin on and off for about five years but he had never stolen from her which is unusual.

    She did not go to therapy or do anything for herself while she was going through his addiction. I sent her to this site and others and she simply could not handle it.

    I'm very afraid for how hard this will be for her. She lives in Chicago.
  16. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    I am so, so very sorry and sad for you and your friend. This is unbearably sad. I prayed for him and for her. I wish so much this had come out differently. I am so sorry.
  17. BusynMember

    BusynMember Well-Known Member

    I send prayers and love to this family. Very sad.
  18. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    I feel somewhat guilty. I was in Chicago this weekend for my son's wedding but I was unable to go to her son's wake because we were staying in the city and it was an hour away and I was with my family. I just needed to feel happiness.

    I think she understands but I still feel bad.

    I'm having a friend here at work who is crafty and has an ETSY site make her some type of remembrance but not sure what yet.

    I have suffered so much with my son and this past week have been devastated by her son. I just needed a happy weekend. She has a lot of friends and family so I know she is not alone.
  19. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    RN. I would not have been able to face this wake. Honestly. I could not have done it. I don't know her and did not know her son. Still, I could not have gone through this. In my work I have dealt with all sorts of tragedy. I was considering briefly this year becoming a chaplain in a hospital. Still. There is NO way I could have handled this tragedy.

    There is no shame to say, even to her, I could not bear it. I am sorry.

    After all, she could not bear it either. Who would understand more, than would she?

  20. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    I hope she did. I told her by text that we were busy with family and she congratulated me etc. but ugh I just couldn't bear it after what we've been through.

    You are correct.