Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by newstart, Dec 6, 2018.

  1. newstart

    newstart Active Member

    I look forward to the New Year 2019. To say 2018 was a hard year is an understatement. My 36 1/2 year old daughter is running her spa part time, working full time in a good paying job and has been making her bills since last Oct, she is just breaking even and still owes me a large sum of money, and the back payments will start March 2019. I have taken my name off of all of her bills,the only thing now is the house she rents from us and in the short future that will be paid in full.
    My daughter is still secretive and lies but since the financial ties are all but gone, our relationship is somewhat better. Her irresponibilty to pay her bills on time had me furious to the bone especially since my name was attached to it, how wonderful to be free of that nonsense. I will NOT get tricked into something like that again, I promise to God.

    I noticed that my daughter has been working on being truthful, but that comes off and on. Recently she told me there is a new TJ Maxx and it was wonderful to shop in there, much larger than my favorite one and closer to my home, I went to explore this new store and it was just in the beginnings of remodeling and will not be open for a least a couple of months. Lying about something like that! I felt furious inside and realized that no matter how well I think she maybe she is not.

    The end of Oct my best friend age 51 dies from a heart attack, my daughter knows and love this woman as much as I did, she was like a sister to me. She helped me so much after my other dear friend age 46 died by suicide last June. I booked a week long cruise to get away and took my daughter with me. I was a bit nervous that my daughter may get manic while out of the country but she actually did good. We both were so grieved about all the deaths including my mother last May. My daughter and I sat outside on our balcony in the middle of the night watched the full moon on the seas and talked openly with our hearts. We ate all our meals together and she did not run off or start an argument or talk ugly to me or even roll her eyes, when we got off the ship she thanked me profusely for giving her another chance and for taking her on this wonderful cruise. (My daughter's most favorite thing to do is cruise).
    There was many other weird things that happened in 2018 that caused me much grief but losing my mom and several friends was the deepest pain.
    My daughter is still with her 1/2 a** boyfriend. My husband and I saw them together at a fair. 1/2 a** boyfriend actually talked to my husband for the first time. My husband said he actually tried, it was surface talk but it was at least he was trying. First time in 9 years. Are we getting somewhere?
    I met my daughters new boss and he said how happy he was that she worked there. I had to study his face to see if he was telling the truth and it looked like he was. I was so glad and relieved to hear this.
    I do know and understand that all this can turn on a dime... I will enjoy the good times while they last and pray they continue.

    The unhooking from my daughter financially has been lifegiving. My daughters lifestyle and her financial stupidness was harming me to the core of my soul. She was not raised like that and so all that will fall on her, a place it should have been a long time ago, me thinking I was helping her but in reality I was keeping us both stuck by my help. Detaching with love is the best thing to do.

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  2. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    What a great update!

    What a great feeling that you have un-tethered yourself from her financially.

    This is beautiful. It's wonderful that you have this cherished memory.

    Here's to 2019 being a great year!!
  3. Elsi

    Elsi Active Member

    Love it newstart! So glad that you have managed to get disentangled financially. And it sounds like things are going pretty well with your daughter! Reasons for hope. You’ve had a lot of tough blows thIs year, but you sound strong. Sending hugs and hope for a more peaceful 2019.
  4. newstart

    newstart Active Member

    Elsi, I read your recent post and prayed for you. Having a good kid off track is horrible, I felt your agony in your post and I am so sorry. For this moment things appear to be ok with my daughter but I also know that things can fly out of control very fast it is as if I can't really get a good break. My daughter has gone months before doing ok and I get relaxed and then wham right back to square one. I just pray we all have a great 2019.
  5. Elsi

    Elsi Active Member

    Thank you, Newstart. It’s so hard knowing that there is never an end to this ... never a time when we can fully relax and say ‘it’s all over now!” Recovery is so fragile, and mental health issues don’t just fully disappear.

    But here’s to the hope for better times for all of us in 2019!
  6. Triedntrue

    Triedntrue Well-Known Member

    I am also hoping for 2019 to be a better year. Prayers for all of us.