Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by witzend, Dec 5, 2008.

  1. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    How are you doing? I know you got your own room, and that must be a relief. I'm going to be a bit of your old Auntie - cheerleader here and ask if you have given some serious thought to the offer to put difficult child 1 into the Partial Living Residence?

    I know you're scared that it might fail, or that he will do something awful. But you have to know also that he might succeed. I realize the chances are slim but you have to give him a chance. It's being offered to you right this very second and these opportunities don't always last or come back when you need them.

    He might fail while living with you, too. Some might tell you that he is is failing right now, and you are just too close to see it.

    There's no way to know what will happen. Our kids have to leave home sometime, and to have him leave and try when there is such a strong support system is the best time. If it doesn't work out, he can always come back to you, but if he comes back it will be with the first hand knowledge that it really isn't as easy as he has always thought it would be.

    I'm begging you, for your son and for your difficult child 2, and for yourself and your parents, please go talk to the people who are offering this about particulars. Voice your fears and ask how they would handle it. PM Fran to talk about how scared she was for her son. I can tell you how scared I was for M. Both of our children are doing far better than we thought that they could. M has a regular job, got past the 90 day probation period, and got a raise and a clothing allowance. Five years ago he had assaulted his father, was on probation, and living in a Transitional Living Center. Or PM Critter Gitter, she is going through this right now.

    But whatever you do, don't just blow this off. It's a golden opportunity, and he gets to live his own life this way. Good or bad, that's the least that we owe our children. I know you're frightened and worried, but it's time to let him try.
  2. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Hi, AOG!! I just wanted to second the suggestion and support that Witz is offering!!
  3. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    A opportunity is just that- a chance.
    I would give my eye teeth to have another chance offered to my difficult child.

    Trying and failing is infinitely better than never trying at all. Encourage him to try for a change in his behavior. I would think our difficult child's must fail many times before they get it but if they finally get it we have reached the goal.
  4. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    I have been praying and thinking about it, of course I could be 110% on board with it and it still depends on the CMO case worker, who at this time is against it, I am still 50/50, but that's better then Monday, LOL.

    I am seeing some positives to it, but I am still leary. difficult child I is so drawn to this "lifestyle" of thugism and crime, I just do not want to expose him to more bad, but at 17 1/2 I am very worried.

    thank you all for your kind words and support, amaze
  5. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Speaking as someone who was messed up herself at 17-18 yo, sometimes it is better to throw them into a life of freedom so they finally come to realize that their choices are their own and if they aren't leading them to where they want to go, only they can change them. And, instead of feeling pressured to make choices to get others' approval (which normally will lead to a defensive, rebellious, and defiant reaction), their life is their own, to set their own goals- good or bad, and their own standards to live by.
  6. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I'm glad you wrote. You have been on my mind. It's possible that a part of the reason that your CMO has been reluctant is because you were reluctant. Granted, you were probably taken off guard, and that is understandable.

    Give yourself the weekend to relax, if you can, then call them on Monday to see if you can get together and make a united front on this. difficult child should be included, or it won't work. {{{{{{{{{Big hugs}}}}}}}}
  7. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Amaze. I really understand that need to protect them, and hope to god we can save them somehow. I have struggled with this urge all day (really all Matt's life) to pull Matt out from where he is and bring him home - even though I know it is ridiculous, and would be ineffective in truly helping him. It is the mom in us/me, that wants to still try and protect the last thread of innocence they have left, hold out for that last ounce of hope of some normalcy, some shred that we as their moms are their answer.

    However, the reality is that I have seen Matt, for this first time realize this is his game. His life. His charade. And it has changed him. He is 2000 miles away, and mom is not gonna save him. Now she is not even going to talk to him without a counselor present - and as this responsibility falls on his shoulders I can see his eyes opening.

    Even though difficult child 2 is intent on being a thug, maybe he is intent because he is rebelling against you. Maybe when he realizes it is not a realistic, feasible life, he will start to change.

    I know it is hard - I am there.