My son who moved to his Dad's after coming home drunk and me taking his car. Happy to report he is talking to me more. He has been driving one of his Dad's diesel trucks. Dad had some issues with him bringing it home with no gas. (Dad reports he has been doing well. Hasn't smelled anything on him and he is working with Dad everyday.) Anyway apparently he ran the diesel out of gas and it messed up some kind of filter that he and Dad changed. Son drives this truck to graduation. Graduation was great. He looked so happy. Hugged me and took pictures with everyone. My husband and I are on our way home. He calls to say this truck is leaking puddles of gas. He was stranded. I called his Dad. (It's his truck). He goes to get him and apparently gets mad and cusses him out in front of everyone. ( I understand he was angry, but think he should get mad at him when he runs it out and not later because it caused a problem and not in front of people on his graduation day. But this is my ex nature.) Anyway, my brother text me at work on Monday and says my son is texting him. (My brother was in a band as a young man and smoked a lot of pot. Doesn't do anything now. My son knows this.) My son asks brother if he thinks he is a bad person. Brother tells him of course he doesn't think so. The talk last a good while. (Brother is at work). Son says Dad cussed him out over the truck. Son thinks Mom and Dad are eager to kick him out. My brother assures him he is loved and reiterates that he should have not have driven drunk. Son says that he just drove up the road from his cousin's house, that mom thought it was more but it wasn't. Brother told him that 18 was a hard age and that mom (me) had to get his attention some way in that you can't spank a man. Son says he can't believe I would say that he couldn't live here if we had one more incident. Son says, "I would be homeless." Brother tells him he made a mistake in coming home drunk. Son agrees. Brother tells him, your mom would love to have you home. Son says, I don't know, it really hurt my feelings that she would say that... Anyway son's Dad has bought him a car with the idea that son will pay him back. My ex says that he told him he would have to keep it up and if it didn't run, he couldn't go. Before all this, his car, and insurance was paid for. His car at my house is just sitting here. I don't agree with everything ex does but I know he want hand him things like I have always done. My brother thinks I should try to get him here because his my ex won't encourage him with education like I would. I told him I don't want to take away Dad's power at this point. ( Ex and I have never got along and my brother hates my Ex but supported him when talking to my son.) I briefly told my husband about this conversation. He seems uninterested and I feel like he is happy son is gone. This hurts my feelings. I somewhat see his point but wonder if he would be more interested if it were one of his girls. Anyway as it stands, I will not ask son to come home. I had told my ex he would have to pass a drug test more than once for me to give his car back. My brother thinks, I need to quit drawing such lines in the sand and just to discipline as issues arise. I told brother that my son is not afraid of me like his boys are of him and that makes this difficult. Husband is on the complete opposite side and says, " I think you should draw firm line in the sand." My brother also told son I didn't react that way because he smoked a little pot but because of the times during the day at which he was doing it appeared that it was a problem. Son says when he came back home me and his Dad made him feel like he was investigated all the time. Said he hadn't even been using any pot. Said we stared at him as if trying to see if he was high. Brother told him this would pass as we didn't see problems and incidents like the coming home drunk. I didn't tell son that brother told me everything he said. I think that particular day he was unhappy at Dad's. He told my brother he had turned down a job because his Dad wanted him to work for him ( this is true) and if Dad and I decided to kick him out he wouldn't even be able to afford income based housing. Brother assured him we wouldn't have him be homeless. All in all, brother gives me the impression he thinks I have gone to far. I told him about the stories I've read on here. He says well I quit using it. Brother told son he just had to follow the rules. That he did too at that age.
Grass isn't greener.
- Thread starter Billiesue
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