Guns, gangs, things have gotten worst!

Helpless29

Active Member
Midnight my phone starts ringing & ringing the women who my son is staying tells me my son is drunk & has a gun , he didn’t threaten her but she seen the gun, she’s scared & wants me to get him, I tell her call the police , she refuses saying they will raid her house , I told her this is are only option is to call the police. He passes out & fast forward to today , she wakes him up at 6am tells her to give her the keys , he refuses , she tells him he has to leave but he refuses & tells her his rent is paid till March 10th , she calls the police &they will not do anything & tells her she has to file a civil suit because he paid rent, they leave .She calls her son who is as crazy as my son & also in gang to handle it since police won’t. , My son leaves before he gets there , but steals the women’s labtop. Come to find out that gun belongs to a gang & they want it back or they will hurt my son , I call Po’s trying to see what they could do , warrant was never signed off on so they cannot do anything, she said it’s a process , that the justice system is slow they had the women file a police report . I want to stay far , far away , I’m so scared , the thought of gangs , guns , drugs , is to much . I pray he never told anyone our address & they don’t try to retaliate . I maybe overthinking it but I’m so scared . I hope the police find my son soon!! I need him put away before he starts endangering our lives & his own!! I hope this warrant gets signed off on by a judge sooner then later.
 

Helpless29

Active Member
I also wanted to add after police left , he threatened her before he left , telling her , he will kill her , doing a hand gesture like shooting a gun at her. This gun she talks about was not found by police , she says she didn’t take it & maybe he was so drunk he forgot where he put it, but I know when I showed up there after police left & my son left , my son called her ,asking & threatening her to give back the gun. There is so many details & confusion on my end but I don’t care to find out, I just want him put away!! And not involve myself in any of this.
 

RN0441

100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
Helpless

I was just thinking about you yesterday since things had been quiet and you had not posted.

All I can say is wow things have really escalated. Your son could definitely be in danger. He is clearly not thinking about what he is doing at all.

You have done everything you can do. You don't know what people are capable of especially when they are high on drugs and if they have guns that is terrifying. Most crimes are committed by people high on drugs but they are still responsible for their actions.

I can only offer to pray for your son and your family and hope that he is found by the police before anything happens to him. I'm sure that you had no idea in your wildest dreams that things would take this turn. He is running with some dangerous people it sounds like.

You need to keep yourself and your young family safe. If something happens to any of you, that won't help him.

Please keep his PO and the police involved and don't let him hide out anymore. Our system is not perfect but if it were my son I would want him arrested as soon as possible like you said.

Please keep us posted. We are here for you.
 

Helpless29

Active Member
Warrant out but they have not cleared warrant number in system , he has not been picked up. Sheriff came to my house yesterday, my heart stopped, I thought they were going to tell me my son was killed , comes to find out his ex girlfriends family is trying to get him charged with rape , I did not know she was 16 teen, I was told she was a senior in HS & he just turned 18 so I’m guessing once he turned 18 & because the relationship ending badly they filed papers , sheriff did not tell me this but this is what his dad is hearing. I thought the other day I seen a man just watching my house from across the street but I think I’m just so paranoid & knowing this gang is looking for him. I need him picked up ASAP , I can’t even feel safe in my own home & worry about my family. At this point I want nothing to do with him at all. His lifestyle put us all in danger .
 

Helpless29

Active Member
It seems everything in court system is just moving in slow motion, I have voiced my concerns to the PO , she did her part & I know she’s really trying to help me but it’s just a slow process
 

RN0441

100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
Well hang in there and try to keep your sanity. If you can get some counseling for yourself to cope, that would probably be good.

We try to hard to keep things at bay and keep them on the right path but it sometimes backfires on us. That happened to us as well but I had to learn my lessons the hard way too. I think we all do. We just can't believe that they are doing the things they are doing and digging a deep hole for themselves. We see the good in them and when they are trying and it melts our hearts and makes us weak and vulnerable. It's such a hard road.

Take care of yourself. Things never stay the same.

When you're going through hell, just keep going. You will get to the other side.

Hugs.
 

Copabanana

Well-Known Member
Dear Helpless (aka no longer helpless)

I feel heartbroken and concerned at this turn of events. And so very, very sorry.

All along I felt that your son was full of himself, and boy is that the case. He is running wild in the streets and bringing trouble to anybody in his orbit. He will not stop until he is contained. He has become a full-fledged little criminal. As such, he will be bringing on himself a huge amount of trouble and hurt.

I think you are taking the exact right course of action, and thinking the exact right things, about what is going on.

I agree 100 percent with RN. We ALL of us hold out for and hold onto hope. We NEED them to be OK, to make ourselves feel OK. For the longest time, we do not feel separation from them--our well-being feels contingent to and connected with their well-being. I guess at the end of the day I define detachment as putting an end to this enmeshment. The recognition and acceptance that they are separate people and that means that they become separate from our dreams for them and our need that they are okay-- so that we may okay. After all of these years on this forum, I am only now getting to this point. A little bit. You are a fast learner!

I think you are exactly right to cut all ties, and to do whatever it takes that he is detained, controlled, and confined--and that the consequences of his actions do not affect you or the family, or anybody else, for that matter.

He has been gone from your home for a while now. I think that there is reason to hope that whatever connections he has, are no longer linked to your home and family. But I understand totally and feel with you how scary this is.

He is really on a rampage. Running wild in the streets.

But this has had the effect of centering you, in yourself, so that you know and act from your priorities. This is a good thing.

His story now is not about you. You no longer have a role here, except to get yourself completely out of his story. That is one powerful effect, I think.

This was a betrayal on his part. I think he will no longer be able to rope you in. He was living a double life. Pretending to be one thing, while he was a different thing entirely.

That hidden thing has now burst open and colored every reality of which he is part. He has defined himself and the consequences will be great. At least for a time. This isn't necessarily the worst thing, really, that he be confined and controlled until he matures. All of it, at last, will be on him. As it should be.

The last thing I will say is how very sorry I am, helpless.
 
Last edited:

MissLulu

Well-Known Member
Dear Helpless, my heart is breaking for you.

I am worried for you but I know you are doing all the right things to keep yourself and your family safe.

I understand, Helpless, really I do. I live on the precipice of what is happening to you all the time. I'm not there right now, but who knows - next week it could be me. You have nothing but sympathy from me. Stay strong and keep your distance from him. You have already gone above and beyond for him. It is up to him now.
 

BusynMember

Well-Known Member
Hi, hopeless. I am so sorry that my heart is breaking. In different ways, when our kids are out of control, we all live your problems. Or potentially we do.
.
My daughter is homeless and I honestly don't know if she is hanging with criminals or gang members. How could I know? And she is angry at us. I can see her sending dangerous people to intimidate us or cause trouble for our business. We live with a security system on our home, motion lights, and loud barking dogs. Our neighborhood is pretty safe but we may not be because Kay is ripping us apart on FB and she can be vicious. She lives far away but knows dangerous people who live close to us.

I wish I could help more. I extend.my empathy and prayers and love. Hopefully this will resolve soon for you and your son.
 

Helpless29

Active Member
No, still no warrant number , I feel like there is nothing I can to to make things go faster in the justice system, it just wears me out ,I call & call even let the PO’s know he’s been staying here & there by his grandparents house . ( yes they let him back in) but get no where , so at this point I feel helpless. It has been emotionally draining so I told his dad who has contact with him not to text me anything about what is going on with my son unless it’s a emergency the less I know the better. On a better note,Just got back from a 3 day getaway my husband planned for us & the kids to the Dells ,it felt so good to relax & enjoy family time. It was hard not to pick up the phone & ask about my son but I refrained & I was really able to enjoy my time. I love my son but do not want anything to do with him at this point.
 

RN0441

100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
Great that you got away. You needed that.

I'm sure you are relieved your son has a roof over his head and food! I am sure that is a huge relief. I do hope that by him being there his grandparents are not in danger.

Agree not to let your son get under your skin or reattach right now. It will make it harder for you when he has to face the consequences of his actions but he MUST do this or he will NEVER change and it could get even worse, as you have already witnessed.

It's a process for us all.

Hugs and we're here for you!
 

BusynMember

Well-Known Member
Have you ever seen the first step in Nar Anon?

"We have admitted that we are powerless over our child's addiction, that our lives have become unmanageable.*

NONE of us can do anything other than to find a way to be OUR best while our child/spouse/any loved one is mired with drugs. There are tools in Nar Anon that changed our lives. I don't know if Nar Anon is for you but they saved me and my husband and probably our marriage. Nar Anon is more about us and how to deal with our need to help, our codependency. It isn't about stopping our child's.path because we can't. Only if the addict wants to change will he/ she try to. We still have to live life while this goes.on with our beloveds. I would have thought this was impossible once, but it's possible! You can even have fun without guilt! But it takes time and work. Work on us. Work on surrendering our power over another, which was very hard for me. I like to fix everything for my loved ones. I had to learn that I can't. And I can't even make her appreciate all we have done for her or to love us. This part breaks my heart but I can't make my daughter love me. She can't right.now. She is too sick. I may never get love from her the way that I want it. Tearing up now.....

I feel for you and understand how broken you feel. Been there for ten years. Her life almost ruined our lives. All of us. Addiction is a family disease that affects all members.

Sending many hugs and prayers. Therapy helped us too. If you don't want to try Nar Anon you still may benefit by reading some of their books and literature. I buy off Amazon.
 
Last edited:

Helpless29

Active Member
Have you ever seen the first step in Nar Anon?

"We have admitted that we are powerless over our child's addiction, that our lives have become unmanageable.*

NONE of us can do anything other than to find a way to be OUR best while our child/spouse/any loved one is mired with drugs. There are tools in Nar Anon that changed our lives. I don't know if Nar Anon is for you but they saved me and my husband and probably our marriage. Nar Anon is more about us and how to deal with our need to help, our codependency. It isn't about stopping our child's.path because we can't. Only if the addict wants to change will he/ she try to. We still have to live life while this goes.on with our beloveds. I would have thought this was impossible once, but it's possible! You can even have fun without guilt! But it takes time and work. Work on us. Work on surrendering our power over another, which was very hard for me. I like to fix everything for my loved ones. I had to learn that I can't. And I can't even make her appreciate all we have done for her or to love us. This part breaks my heart but I can't make my daughter love me. She can't right.now. She is too sick. I may never get love from her the way that I want it. Tearing up now.....

I feel for you and understand how broken you feel. Been there for ten years. Her life almost ruined our lives. All of us. Addiction is a family disease that affects all members.

Sending many hugs and prayers. Therapy helped us too. If you don't want to try Nar Anon you still may benefit by reading some of their books and literature. I buy off Amazon.
Thank you, your words mean so much, and it is true , when I’m enjoying life I often feel guilty or think of what he’s doing or how he is . My thoughts in my head are my worst enemy. I often wish he would just call to say he’s sorry for everything he’s put us through for betraying us after everything we did to help him but I know that day will not come. He only says those things when he’s locked up & needs someone to get him out.
 
Top