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Substance Abuse
Had to ask my son to leave on Saturday
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<blockquote data-quote="Deni D" data-source="post: 762887" data-attributes="member: 22840"><p>Oh RN, I'm so sorry to hear this. This could just be because of my past situations with my son, but it seems to me that he shoots himself in the foot to try to prove you need to be responsible for him just when he's about to move into being responsible for himself.</p><p></p><p>On the credit card, if he gave the wrong number by accident then he can pay you back intentionally going forward. Very simple. I'd bypass any victim talk about him having no where to go so he had to rack up your credit card, just wouldn't even address it, like I didn't hear that part, all matter of fact like. This takes a talent I did not possess while dealing with the <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/censored2.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":censored2:" title="censored2 :censored2:" data-shortname=":censored2:" />$storm, but have acquired from watching someone else I know who's good at it over the years. </p><p></p><p>For the rest, he's actually pretty good for long periods of time. He has accomplished a lot. Once you get to a place where you are not directly watching (as in not responsible for) his every move, it will open up life for him to learn cause and effect. He might continue with his faith to guide him through, or maybe not. But he's had plenty of guidance, from you, your husband and from God, and has shown he wants the life of someone who is not living on the edge. Are you in therapy right now? It takes a lot to "let go and let God" in real life practice.</p><p></p><p>For our situation, if someone would have told me 10 years ago I would be dealing with my son the way I am these days I would have told them it would take a very irresponsible parent of an adult mentally ill child, who needs direction, to be so detached as this. Truth is I'm not detached in my heart or mind at all, but I work very hard not to take on my son's responsibilities, because I know if I do he will ignore them and fight back. I have worked out boundaries of what I will get involved with and what I will not. But most importantly when talking to him I listen to him and will give suggestions here and there but back off if he's not receiving me well. It has taken many years, but considering our situation I'm not tied to my son respecting me and taking my advice these days, although I wish he would. Now as an adult it's much more important that he is considerate of me as he gets to choose if he accepts advice or not. The thing is I know my son will never live the way I live my life. He will never stay the course of doing what he would see as the hard things today in order to ensure a better future for himself. He will live life the way he sees fit, the way some others around me who I sometimes judge and other times admire for their seemingly free wheeling lives do. It's not my life, though, it's his. </p><p></p><p>I think things will calm down with him again. I hope for you that you can detach from him enough to let him live and learn. I think he will do just fine for himself going forward, and you will be proud of him again.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Deni D, post: 762887, member: 22840"] Oh RN, I'm so sorry to hear this. This could just be because of my past situations with my son, but it seems to me that he shoots himself in the foot to try to prove you need to be responsible for him just when he's about to move into being responsible for himself. On the credit card, if he gave the wrong number by accident then he can pay you back intentionally going forward. Very simple. I'd bypass any victim talk about him having no where to go so he had to rack up your credit card, just wouldn't even address it, like I didn't hear that part, all matter of fact like. This takes a talent I did not possess while dealing with the :censored2:$storm, but have acquired from watching someone else I know who's good at it over the years. For the rest, he's actually pretty good for long periods of time. He has accomplished a lot. Once you get to a place where you are not directly watching (as in not responsible for) his every move, it will open up life for him to learn cause and effect. He might continue with his faith to guide him through, or maybe not. But he's had plenty of guidance, from you, your husband and from God, and has shown he wants the life of someone who is not living on the edge. Are you in therapy right now? It takes a lot to "let go and let God" in real life practice. For our situation, if someone would have told me 10 years ago I would be dealing with my son the way I am these days I would have told them it would take a very irresponsible parent of an adult mentally ill child, who needs direction, to be so detached as this. Truth is I'm not detached in my heart or mind at all, but I work very hard not to take on my son's responsibilities, because I know if I do he will ignore them and fight back. I have worked out boundaries of what I will get involved with and what I will not. But most importantly when talking to him I listen to him and will give suggestions here and there but back off if he's not receiving me well. It has taken many years, but considering our situation I'm not tied to my son respecting me and taking my advice these days, although I wish he would. Now as an adult it's much more important that he is considerate of me as he gets to choose if he accepts advice or not. The thing is I know my son will never live the way I live my life. He will never stay the course of doing what he would see as the hard things today in order to ensure a better future for himself. He will live life the way he sees fit, the way some others around me who I sometimes judge and other times admire for their seemingly free wheeling lives do. It's not my life, though, it's his. I think things will calm down with him again. I hope for you that you can detach from him enough to let him live and learn. I think he will do just fine for himself going forward, and you will be proud of him again. [/QUOTE]
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Had to ask my son to leave on Saturday
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