Has Your Child Admitted To Having Drug/Alcohol Issues?

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by ChickPea, Aug 11, 2019.

  1. ChickPea

    ChickPea Active Member

    My daughter has had a rough week (well, rough decade or so, but this week has been hard), which means we've also had an extremely rough week.

    Yesterday she was trying to bully her way over to our house and I instead told her I would meet her at the park and we could talk.

    I feel like we had a decent heart-to-heart, however, in it all she said, "I think I'm an alcoholic."

    She said since February she's drank every single day.
    She drinks to quell her mind.
    She drinks to excess.
    She makes bad choices when she drinks.
    She's concerned about her health.
    She drives drunk (no license). She's been pulled over multiple times, but never caught drinking.
    She doesn't drink at or before work, and she doesn't drink when she visits her child at our house. But otherwise... she likes to be drunk.

    Last night, while she was at the bar, she sent some very disturbing messages about her alcohol use.

    She said she loves drinking, and will probably die drinking, but she really doesn't care anymore. She's tired of being tired and hates her brain and maybe her gift to the world was her child, but she's losing hope. Naturally, my sleep wasn't so well last night.

    It's not the 1st time she's admitted having an issue, but the older she gets, the more hope I think she might lose.

    I also don't know if this is the new card she's playing. I hate to say that because my compassionate, loving side is HIGHLY concerned for her well-being. But my guarded side says it's just another way of her being dramatic and releasing herself from being in charge of making a change. Two days from now she might be defensive and say it's not true (but it's all in writing, so I can refer her back to it.

    Has your child ever fessed up to being concerned about their use? Did it continue? Did they seek help?
  2. Albatross

    Albatross Well-Known Member

    When my son was admitted to his first rehab, he acknowledged for the first time that he had a problem with alcohol. We were hopeful it might be the start of his recovery. In many instances, it is.

    Unfortunately, in Son's case, he uses that acknowledgement to solve logistics problems or excuse bad behavior. If he needs a place to stay, he will find a (usually faith-based) rehab or shelter and recite his story of fall and redemption. They will take him in for awhile until he's back on his feet, then he's off again. Or he will offer back-handed apologies/excuses, saying, "I was drunk, so I don't even remember doing that."

    I hope for your daughter this is a turning point. I think it takes a lot of courage to say it and mean it for the first time..."My name is XXX...and I am an alcoholic."
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  3. BusynMember

    BusynMember Well-Known Member

    Never. But I think it is good that your daughter did. I would believe her. Her behavior backs it up.

    You may want to go to Al Anon to learn coping skills. As they tell us in Al Anon it is a family disease that affects all of the family.
  4. ChickPea

    ChickPea Active Member

    She's been to rehab a couple of times, but those were court ordered when she was younger. She's admitted her usage issues and out of control behaviors before. The onus on her to rectify them feels exhausting to her, I think?

    Last year before having a baby she lost a TON of weight and everyone thought she was doing so great and that she looked so fantastic, but in reality she was in one of the worst states she has ever been in, deeply depressed and out of control (her words).

    Yes, I've been to Alanon. I haven't been back for a while, however. It wasn't exactly something that I was able to fully participate in.
  5. WiseChoices

    WiseChoices Active Member

    I also attend Al-Anon, and AA. It is a good sign when someone comes to grips with their reality and admits they have a problem. That's the first step to getting better .That is exactly the moment where we can say "You need help and you can find it in AA. Why don't you call their help line and see what they have to say?".
  6. ChickPea

    ChickPea Active Member

    Yes. Thank you! I'm hoping she will pursue that. I am definitely encouraging AA, counseling, therapist and doctor.
  7. elizabrary

    elizabrary Active Member

    Yes, my daughter called me after one particularly rough weekend crying and said she thought she was an alcoholic. I seized the moment and asked if she wanted me to come get her and help her find a meeting and she agreed. She attended AA and stayed sober for 18 months, had a brief relapse and has been sober for about a year again now, but she has been pregnant for much of that time. My adopted son is also an alcoholic and he was in terrible shape at one point. He has been sober for a very short time now since just after his wife died (it's a nightmare, they have 4 kids). He talked to me a lot about his addiction and sounded a lot like your daughter. I think it's probably the alcohol and depression that makes them feel so hopeless. I always tried to remember it's the illness making them feel/sound that way and tried to encourage him to seek sobriety but at the same time I knew he had to be the one to seek it out. It's a tough road. Sending peace to you.
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