He’s Back

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Littleboylost, Jan 13, 2018.

  1. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Difficult Child AS came back tonight. We have seen him twice since Dec 25th. Today he rolls in like nothing had changed and he had not been gone at all.

    It is 4:30 am I wake to shouting and find him gaming. Words were unpleasantly exchanged. Shortly after I hear him go down the stairs. My first thought is my wallet and my husbands. Mine is in the safe but I go to check on husbands. Once down stairs I instantly smell pot. Nope not happening. Mr 18% School average doesn’t have a whole lot of negotiating power.

    He starts the typica blubbering ....I am going to leave.....be my guest.....you don’t love me....not even up for negotiation....GET RID OF THE POT AND ABIDE BY THE HOUSE RULES OR ....with LOVE....GTFO....I love my girlfriend blah blah blah she helps me with school and everything....Wow tell her thansk for the effort but 18% second time around ain’t no great shakes....what else does she help with?? Supplying POT???....your unemployed and we sure don’t give you money.

    Then I get the I am sorry for being a screw up blah blah blah ....son the only thing you are screwing up is your own life. We are not going to allow you to disrespect our home and our rules. Told him if he left again to get someone else to hold his bail bond. I am not going to do it and risk my money. I told him I don’t beleive he is taking anything especially rehab seriously.

    I get the I am sorry I won’t do it again, I am going to start my homework tomorrow. .....hmmm no position of “I am leaving going back to girlfriend and cop mom”....looks like someone overstayed their welcome.

    Well buck up or GTFO. Ain’t no free lunch here. Re the homework ugh day late and a dollar short. Good luck pulling that off at T minus 14 days to exams. Told him get help from someone else. I am studying and writing certifications for my new job and wrapping up my old one. I have no time. Many resources he chosen not to utilize. TFB. Dad is heading on a business trip Sunday so he won’t be able to help you pull it out of the bag either. Grades are reflective of effort.

    I wish he had never come back.

    He freaked out the other day and asked if there was a bench warrant out for his arrest. I asked why. He had heard from one of his loser friends that his name had been called out in court. Asked me to call his lawyer as he was too affraid to. I did she had his charges put over again. Said March 15th is next court date and they expect an update report from rehab and are not impressed with his school grades or attendance; and the fact that he did not follow through on our patient counseling.

    Hey I tired. Once again Mr 18% didn’t follow through.

    I left a message with rehab intake asking for An ETA on his bed. Let’s pray it is soon.

    I really wish he had never come back before his rehab bed was ready.
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  2. Sam3

    Sam3 Active Member

    I'm sorry this is happening. You have my sympathy and support. I know what it's like to feel the relief of an extended break, interrupted when there are no more couches to surf on.

    But even if your sons behavior seems familiar, you have come such a long way LBL. Hopefully it feels less personal and hurts less.

    I'm glad you came here to vent. (I came, with insomnia, for some "community". )

    Stay strong and steady.
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  3. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    I wonder if the moon is using gravitational pull and then shoves them back to our doorstep?? Nah...other people are learning how difficult they are to live with!

    Does he have a key?? I wouldn't be comfortable with that. Mainly because my oldest loses everything...and youngest might use it to sneak people in.

  4. BloodiedButUnbowed

    BloodiedButUnbowed Active Member

    Maybe it is time to revoke his bail bond?
  5. LBL - maybe cop mum has realised just how difficult he can be.

    Being able to smell pot right away just shows he has no respect for your house and rules. My son would smoke pot at home to the point where I would feel embarrassed when people called round - it’s a smell that seems to linger for days.

    He told you you don’t love him, my son also tells me this all the time and tells me that other people have said they would never put their own family out. I try to take no notice as I know if people have said that, they haven’t been through what I have.

    I really hope he will live by your rules and things will work out.
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  6. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    If I revoke the bond he goes to prison and will have a permanent adult record. I am not ready to make this move. But I am not going to let him trodd all over our boundaries either. I am praying there is news of a rehab bed very soon.
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  7. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Thanks GS. I have had the worst night. It’s nit that I didn’t know he wasn’t smoking pot as he has continued to test positive for pot and only pot. I have reported this to his rehab intake but not his lawyer.
    I read him the absolute riot act and I mean what I say. If he can’t live by our rules he has to go. He smoke outside but the stench swaps in with him when he comes back in.

    I rest my case 100% that this was routine at Cop Moms.
  8. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    You got that right KSM. I believe that is exactly what has happened or he would have been out the door and right down the street. We re keyed the locks so he does not have a key. However he will have to be home while we are still at work. He was respectful before about having no people over. We lock EVRYTHIG in the safe. We can forgive but trust does not return with forgiveness.
  9. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    I did it get a wink after 4:00 am. I am so tired and have to work several hours today and study.

    If I knew he had a Rehab bed Feb 1st I could exhale and have a firm end to this madness.

    In hind sight we have come a long way with him staying off the heavy drugs and he clearly sees his kid is in the crapper. Shockingly he still does not associate it with pot and girlfriend and no focus where it needs to be.
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  10. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    While Cop Mom was a true idiot and PITA, at least she kept him out of your hair. I wonder if CM or her daughter got tired of your son? Sometimes if Mom likes a boyfriend too much, the teenager really doesn't want to hang on to him.

    Keep calling the rehab about a bed. I might be tempted to make calling them a part of my regular routine. Maybe not daily, but at least twice a week. To show them how eager we are to get help for dear son, of course! ;) The squeaky wheel truly does get the grease. At least this always worked for me.

    I admire your patience. I don't really think I could handle this as well as you have. Be sure to do something nice for yourself every day!
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  11. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Son left yesterday afternoon while I was at work, went to GFs didn't come home. I feel guilty but the less I see of him the better I feel.
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  12. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    Why do you feel guilty?
  13. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    He wants to smoke pot in your house and you stood your ground like a normal mother. He in my opinion needs to see you are not afraid of him and will stick to your beliefs about right and Wong. When he is sober he will appreciate your strength.
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  14. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    You have made amazing progress. I watched my mother being guilted out of thousands of dollars by my drug addict brother. I try to remember that when I start to feel a twinge of that ugly feeling. The i.portant thing to take away from this latest incident is that you did not give into the guilt. Your son recognized your resolve and left. Kudos
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  15. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Guilty?????No, no no, not you.....him.
    He wants to live as he does. He won’t follow your rules. Geez, the neighbor across the road smokes medical marijuana and it reeks. I confess, I smoked in the 70’s and never smelled stuff like this smells.

    LBL, the stress is over the top when my two are around. I don’t trust them. The first thought on my mind besides being happy they are alive is “Did I lock my purse in the truck?”
    Things go missing and I think I am misplacing stuff and losing my mind.
    It’s our history with them.
    Waiting for the other shoe to drop because you know something will happen.
    My two would do stuff to ramp up the angst in our home so they could defiantly storm out and disappear for days.
    It was like bait and switch. They were using drugs, lying, stealing and we were the weird straight people.
    We would all be sitting around stunned. Like “What just happened?”
    The air would be so thick with the stress factor you could cut it with a knife. They served it up after awhile on a regular basis just to keep us on our toes. “Here guys try a slice of this.”
    Guilty? Nooooooooo.
    Who can live like that?
    Sigh of relief when they went, then a quick check to make sure nothing was missing. Then, mad, sad, worried because they would leave for days, sometimes weeks with no word.
    Up, down all around, welcome to the swirly whirly.
    I stand my ground to say that all of this craziness is meant to condition us into a quivering pile of goober brained zombies unable to eat, sleep or find any source of comfort, peace or joy.
    Then the next disaster comes along. Who do they call? The very ones they tread upon. Us.
    Off we go to the rescue again.
    They play the Mom and Dad card so easily.
    It’s unacceptable .
    Sorry I am ranting. After spending the morning yesterday, thinking we may get nuked because of the civil defense alert, I am in life examining mode. You know when everyone’s phones around you go off simultaneously with a loud blaring noise and text appears in all caps that a ballistic missile is headed for you and THIS IS NOT A DRILL! .........life kinds of flashes through your head and the old tapes reel.
    Then I was so relieved that it was an error and all sorts of stuff flooded in.
    The good, bad and ugly memories.
    Glad to be alive and want to live to the fullest.

    LBL, you are going through the toughest thing on earth. You have been dealing with your son going off the rails, stealing and lying. You are trying everything under the sun to get him to see the light and focus on his future.
    Stay strong and stick to your rules. Don’t let him get the best of you. One day at a time sister.
    You matter. Your health matters.
    Your peace, your joy matters.
    Sorry I am feeling dramatic today.
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  16. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Because I feel better when I dont have to see him or deal with him SWOT
  17. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Amen to that Leafy. I am feeling less stressed and less guilty. Spending time with Hubs before he leaves on a business trip. Thanks for your kindness. It helps so much.
  18. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Thanks Passa that is exactly what I hope for, is O have done recognize these boundaries in the hope he will respect them some day.
  19. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    Little BoyLost, I get it. I felt the same guilt that it was more relaxed when my daughter was no longer home.
    Last edited: Jan 15, 2018
  20. newstart

    newstart Active Member

    I so admire your strength Littleboylost. I so hope that your son will get on track ASAP.