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Help with mentally ill adult son
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 761421" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I am so very, very sorry. I know what you are living. </p><p></p><p>I am in a similar situation. My son is mentally ill and homeless when I don't house him. He uses marijuana to self-medicate. He is not open to psychiatric medication, to alternative living arrangements, or to living independently in his own apartment. What he wants is to live in a property I own, and call the shots for himself 100 percent and that we not ask anything of him. I don't live with him.</p><p></p><p>It's very, very hard. My son is getting better in some sense. He keeps the place cleaner. He is not hostile now or aggressive but mainly that is because we don't ask anything of him at all. If we do, it becomes a power struggle and we have learned to back off. Because I have a very hard time when he is homeless in the winter. I am the one who loses in a power struggle. It's taken me years to learn this simple fact.</p><p></p><p>I could not live with my son. Within 5 minutes I would be hysterical and nuts. It happens every time. I don't see how old people (I am old but not that old) could handle living with your son as you describe him. Of course they're miserable.</p><p></p><p>My son uses mostly marijuana, what kind of drugs is your son using? We have set a limit that my son cannot use or bring even marijuana onto the property. It took years before he observed this hard and fast rule but every single time, he broke the rule, we threw him out. Where I live marijuana is legal but federally it is not. I do not want drugs on my property and I do not want drugged people on my property. I don't see how anybody who lives normally can live with a drug addict. Mental illness is hard enough. But that's just me.</p><p></p><p>For a number of years I could prevail on my son to enter treatment programs. Now, no. But I do have control over what I tolerate in a property I own. And I seldom allow my son to come to my home. It's just too triggering for me.</p><p></p><p>There are dozens of parents here on this forum, and we all do different things to cope. You will have to find a solution that you can live with. No one size fits all. I am very, very sorry you have suffered through this, and continue to. Believe me, if you post it will all of it become more bearable. I have been here almost 7 years. For the first few years I posted many, many times a day. I changed. It took several years, but I did. And then, one day, the people here a long time, saw in my posts that I had become a different person, in relation to my son. Sometimes I try to pull back and not post, but I can't. Not for long.</p><p></p><p> It's bittersweet, because I saw it was dangerous to show him my great love and need for my son. Sometimes, I believe I have cut off my love a bit in myself. That makes me feel sad. But you will become a stronger person, if you post. All of us here need each other. Welcome.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 761421, member: 18958"] I am so very, very sorry. I know what you are living. I am in a similar situation. My son is mentally ill and homeless when I don't house him. He uses marijuana to self-medicate. He is not open to psychiatric medication, to alternative living arrangements, or to living independently in his own apartment. What he wants is to live in a property I own, and call the shots for himself 100 percent and that we not ask anything of him. I don't live with him. It's very, very hard. My son is getting better in some sense. He keeps the place cleaner. He is not hostile now or aggressive but mainly that is because we don't ask anything of him at all. If we do, it becomes a power struggle and we have learned to back off. Because I have a very hard time when he is homeless in the winter. I am the one who loses in a power struggle. It's taken me years to learn this simple fact. I could not live with my son. Within 5 minutes I would be hysterical and nuts. It happens every time. I don't see how old people (I am old but not that old) could handle living with your son as you describe him. Of course they're miserable. My son uses mostly marijuana, what kind of drugs is your son using? We have set a limit that my son cannot use or bring even marijuana onto the property. It took years before he observed this hard and fast rule but every single time, he broke the rule, we threw him out. Where I live marijuana is legal but federally it is not. I do not want drugs on my property and I do not want drugged people on my property. I don't see how anybody who lives normally can live with a drug addict. Mental illness is hard enough. But that's just me. For a number of years I could prevail on my son to enter treatment programs. Now, no. But I do have control over what I tolerate in a property I own. And I seldom allow my son to come to my home. It's just too triggering for me. There are dozens of parents here on this forum, and we all do different things to cope. You will have to find a solution that you can live with. No one size fits all. I am very, very sorry you have suffered through this, and continue to. Believe me, if you post it will all of it become more bearable. I have been here almost 7 years. For the first few years I posted many, many times a day. I changed. It took several years, but I did. And then, one day, the people here a long time, saw in my posts that I had become a different person, in relation to my son. Sometimes I try to pull back and not post, but I can't. Not for long. It's bittersweet, because I saw it was dangerous to show him my great love and need for my son. Sometimes, I believe I have cut off my love a bit in myself. That makes me feel sad. But you will become a stronger person, if you post. All of us here need each other. Welcome. [/QUOTE]
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