Help!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by JojoMn, Jul 13, 2017.

  1. JojoMn

    JojoMn New Member

    I need support so much!! No one understands and it's killing me watching my friends and their children growing and having fun. My 15 yr old daughter adopted daughter was diagnosed with ODD, ADHD, Axiety, and has some learning disabilities. She was just diagnosed with conduct disorder. She lied about me trying to hit her with my car and her dad got temp custody last year. We've had fights over having similar rules, consistent parenting and he would never do family therapy even when she asked him years ago. Over the last year I've only seen her about a dozen times and she's stayed here when dad went on vacation sometimes. He was busy with his life and is hard to get love or attention from and I know she lacked both when she was there. She missed 23 days of school and failed most of her classes, just didn't care.
    She was stealing money, lying, and he rarely said no to her. A few weeks ago he did and she got violent with him, he called the police and she ended up coming here. We're seeing therapists and CPS got involved because they could see where he held her wrists in their fight and it looked like abuse. I had hip surgery a couple months ago and have been off work and need to go back! I'm running out of money! My boyfriend lives with me and pays so much a month and when he does, then he isn't working. I'm not suppose to leave her alone with him not for fear he'll do anything but that she will say he did. But I can't take her everywhere! He's from out of state, can't get his license cuz of his vision, so he's here unless he goes with me. Now I can't lose him because I'm scared of what she could do to me physically. I feel trapped in my own home and hostage to all of this. My girl has damaged my stuff and then puts it back and seems remorseful. She said she feels nothing, no emotions and she doesn't like it. Omg I lost my sweet happy daughter. She's in a gang, and been in fights, dated probably had sex with all the leaders. I want her at a ranch or someplace but can't afford it. Please someone tell me it will get better although I know it probably won't. Do we just let them do stuff until they are put in jail so we can feel safe? We have a small dog and two cats. The dog hurt his leg recently and never though she would do anything to him but it seems really possible now that I've read about CD. I was so happy to have her back and thought we would do things like before. This is like a ticking bomb and I know it won't turn out good. Like a nightmare I can't wake up from. I'm so scared.
     
  2. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome Jojo,

    I'm sorry things are so rough for you right now. I know you will fine much support here. What do her therapists say? Are you getting any legal advice? I haven't really dealt with this exact situation but it doesn't sound safe for her to be in the house.

    Please be sure to take care of yourself. I know when my son was at his worst, I sought out a therapist and she really helped me see things in a new light.

    Hopefully others will be along soon that have more experience with this type of situation.

    Sending comforting hugs your way.
     
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    How old was she when you adopted her? Did she have chaotic early years? Was she in an orphanage?

    I know this is hard, but you need to rehome the pets. We adopted a boy who abused and killed our pets, although in front of us he acted so loving toward them that it never crossed our mind that he would do this. He also molested our two youngest kids. I hope you have no other kids.

    Frankly, she sounds dangerous. Is it maybe best for her to live with her father? Harming snimals is a very dangerous symptom of a huge problem. We had to undo our adoption. Child was way too dangerous for a family setting. I wish we had acted before the eorst had happened, but he had alwayd been so charming to us and all adults. It was children and animals he preyed on.

    If you are scared, she probably should not live with you and the furbabies. No reason to be scared in your own home.
     
  4. JojoMn

    JojoMn New Member

     
  5. JojoMn

    JojoMn New Member

    I'm happy I found this group, it feels pretty lonely learning about CD and all the outcomes. I have had an amazing therapist for over a year. I haven't gotten any legal advice so far. I'm just still in such disbelief.
     
  6. JojoMn

    JojoMn New Member

    She was only 10 min old and her birth mom handed her to me. It was a daughter of a friend, had only a month to prepare but we were overjoyed. We highly suspected drug and alcohol use durning pregnency but pediatricians didn't think so. She's an only child. I'm considering sending the pets to live with a friend for sure. Her dad doesn't want to take her back and he's going on a trip til the end of the month. He knew she was grounded through Sunday night from friends here yet asked her if she and her friend wanted to go out for dinner with him but then told her he had to get my okay. It all happened fast in a text he asked and I didn't really answer next thing he's at door and I tried to explain how this isn't what he agreed to with me and the rules but he shrugged and they left. He dropped her here and now she's high. Her friend probably brought her weed at dinner. She's nicer high but I'm not going to keep here and just break a law. It's weird I see her now and feel no fear so my heart thinks maybe it's over but I know better.
     
  7. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    Can you get her drug tested? Weed will stay in her system for about 4 weeks. Meth, cocaine, benzos and many other drugs...3 days. If she has a physical coming up, ask the nurse privately to do the test.

    Monday's seem to be the best day...if they have used over the weekend, it will show up. If she sneaks out, runs away, or becomes ungovernable, call the police. It will leave a paper trail. Most the time they will pick up, do an assessment, possibly drug test, and release to parents.

    After 2 or 3 times, they get to go to juvenile court and sometimes gets community corrections and for social services to get involved.

    Read up on fetal alcohol symptoms. You really don't know for sure if and how much might have been used. What about her bio parents medical history? Any mental illnesses?

    You can also Google your "state and SED waiver" which might help get her extra services that aren't covered by your insurance. It is based on the child's income, not yours.

    I don't have time to go into how I learned all this stuff... Long story...

    Ksm
     
  8. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I did not have time to read all of the posts.
    I am glad/sad that you found this forum. I hope you find comfort and helpful suggestions.

    I would work with her cps caseworker and lay it all on the line. I would call the police everytime she gets out of hand.