Here we go ...

[UKMummy]

After a period of calm, I feel like I'm back where I started.
My Difficult Child has just lost his job. The poor me messages have started. I feel like I have to back off just when he needs me. I hate it. If I left him in he'll eat me alive emotionally.
Does anyone else struggle with the fact that when things are good for our DCs, we have contact, even some good family times. But then when the enviable happens and it starts to unravel, we have to back off, to save ourselves.
He NEVER learns. He has had so many opportunities but every time he messes up. And he really believes he's right.
I'm back here, searching for strength to get through this and hanging on until this crap passes. Arrrggghhh

 

[bluebell]

I think most of us struggle with that. My son came back in May of last year and after a lot of stops and starts, we had the most glorious October ever. Then it all started again. Yes it sucks. Bottom line is I have figured he's a grown man and the distance I must keep should probably remain the same, no matter if he's doing well or not. That's hard. Part of growing up but I just feel so cheated. He started this crap when he was 12, so we just didn't get the bonding or good times that we should have had. I have to be ok with the fact that there will be never be another October 17. No matter what.
Amazing how a job loss can throw them off like that. I'm assuming this wasn't a career/good job. My son's job loss (min wage restaurant job) caused this last showdown. I just can't figure that out. If my daughter lost her crappy job today she would cry and have a bad night but then she'd be back off to the races. And amazingly, it wouldn't be my fault or my problem!

 

[Elsi]

This is my life. Except my two difficult ones tend to go silent for long periods of time when they are doing ok, and then reappear when they are in crisis and they want something. I’ve gotten to the point where I dread seeing their names come up on the screen because I know it’s bad news. We do have the occasional magic moments of connection, but I’m always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I’m sorry you find yourself back here. I hope the newest crisis passes quickly.

 

[New Leaf]

Hi UKMummy, oh boy, I just got a here we go again myself. It’s not easy, but I have to borrow from my well children’s example and say to myself “Consider the source.”

Does anyone else struggle with the fact that when things are good for our DCs, we have contact, even some good family times. But then when the enviable happens and it starts to unravel, we have to back off, to save ourselves.

I haven’t seen good times in years. My two are still out there, well, one homeless, one in jail and according to them it is all my fault. These adult kids operate on an entirely different level. Don’t take responsibility for their own choices, expect us to step in and rescue them, don’t appreciate it, or move forward with their lives because they don’t own their choices. It is a giant pile of steaming . Don’t step in it.

I'm back here, searching for strength to get through this and hanging on until this crap passes.

You can get through it. Your son can get through it. He has to learn somehow.
Grab on to your adult children who show you love and respect. I am sure, like mine, they have a healthy perspective of what’s going on.
Don’t allow him to throw it on you.
Breathe and trust in what you taught him. It is still there. He is young and can be resourceful. He has to want that more than you do.
(((Hugs)))
Leafy

 

[Triedntrue]

Mine is the same. I got up and ran an errand for his lawyer. Then had to get him to sign papers. Then took papers back. In the meantime since i was there drove him to work. All very friendly. I was sick yesterday and started feelin sick again so went to bed. Then when i get up and look at phone he is just giving up because i ignored his text. How about i give up instead.

 

[Tanya M]

Hang in there UK!!
Your son is an adult and you are not responsible for him plain and simple.
I know how when they start the poor me routine it can pull at your heart strings. The main thing is to have strong firm boundaries in place.
I've been dealing with my son for over 20 years. I have successfully detached but that doesn't mean he can't yank on the old heart strings.
Know that you are not alone!!!
((HUGS))