Honeymoon is over, son took off

[Helpless29]

My son has not changed , a few days back we noticed a few bottles of whip cream had no air, I didn’t even know kids can get high from it , I confronted my son & he said he did it. I told him it was unacceptable & if he does anything again , I would put him out . I thought yesterday he smelled like weed when he got home from work but it was faint but he swore up & down he didn’t.This morning my husband said he heard my son talking on phone at 6am , when I woke up at 8am he was still in phone , I asked if he slept , he said a little bit, I was very suspicious but he acted normal .His job called me, he never showed up from work today & we haven’t heard from him since , I think he’s doing drugs & I can’t allow this in my home, especially with my 2 small kids & his unpredictable behavior. I’m heartbroken, I thought it was going to be a happy ever after ,he was so excited because they were teaching him how to be a cook at work, but I guess he’s not ready to change. If he calls me what do I do? What do I do if he shows up here ?

 

[BusynMember1]

Hi. I am so sorry that you have to go through this again.
I will tell you what I would do if this were my daughter Kay. I speak as one who always forgave and tried to help her. Over a decade.
Today I learned that I can not help. I would give love and support if Kay wanted to go into rehab. Otherwise, I would back off in all ways.
Now your son is still very young. However, just like me you have two even younger kids to care for, I would not let him come home.
I hope you can find the right answers for your situation. Love and prayers.

 

[louise2350]

When my disconnected daughter, K, was living at home during her teens and early twenties, her younger sister who is 7 years younger than her, saw her behavior due to drugs/alcohol. I'm just saying it is not healthy for young children to be around this. I do hope your son will become serious over his wanting to get free of the chains of addiction. Take care.

 

[RN0441]

Helpless

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I felt in my gut your son was not ready to change and he has proven it.

My son was inhaling air spray cleaner at his lowest point. It's cheap. It is so bad. It took years before I could even see a can of that without feeling physically ill.

I'm sure he is drugging and he will lie right to your face about it - as mine did.

Not judging you at all just reliving some of our stuff.

He isn't done with his bad behavior. He is going to have to learn the hard way as my son did. There is nothing you can do to prevent this unfortunately. He hasn't learned his lesson yet or matured enough to see the errors of his ways. I am so sorry you are going through this. I know firsthand how horribly hard it is. Especially with a husband that is not his father. That makes it so much harder but please don't let this ruin your marriage or the family that you have.

Keep us posted. We are here for you.

 

[Copabanana]

Dear Helpless

First thing is to call his probation officer, ASAP, as I would guess you accepted responsibility for him, conditionally that he follow certain rules.

I agree with the others. Your son is continuing to choose to behave in ways that you can't allow. You can't allow them in your home and you can't permit him to do this near you. To do this, is not only to consent. It is to help him. To enable him. I was very slow to learn this. This is a simple and necessary boundary. He cannot be in your home or live in your home. He is persisting over time to choose this, regardless of who it is who offers care and protection.

If he calls you you reiterate to him that he is not permitted to use drugs of any sort under your roof, thus he cannot come back. He needs to call his probation offer to make other arrangements. I would also call the probation officer to inform them, asap. If he shows up, that's harder. That's one reason why I would call the probation officer first, to obtain guidance from them. Also, it seems clear to me that he is violation conditions of his probation, by illegal drug use.

Depending upon how the Probation Officer responds, there are other things you can do.

If he comes to your house, I am worried he will cause an altercation. I would not under any circumstances allow him inside. I would call the probation officer right now, and get direction. If it were me I would call the cops. You have direct evidence and an admission he is abusing substances. But I cannot stress enough how important it is to call the PO. If you don't and you are aware of illegal activity you can be help indirectly responsible, especially with the presence of small children. I think you owe it to your husband, too, to take a hard line about keeping the household safe.

 

[ksm]

If he is a legal minor, call and report him. I am sure the court had some stipulations on what he could/could not do. If you let it slide...it will continue to happen.

Ksm